the perfect poem??!? you decide

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SlowDrag
Member

since 2002-01-10

Posts 53
Tx...need i say more

0 posted 2002-01-11 01:06 AM

hah, well...why not?

I sit alone,
Wasting my time.
trying to force into words,
the puzzle on my mind.

lost, in my fantasy nintendo world.
blood vessles bursting in my eyes,
way too many cathode rays attacking.
as i sit alone on my saturday night.

loneliness, depression sets in,
as i try to think of the next perfect line.
But i'm not a poet,
rather an artist walking a thin line.

i dont go out anymore,
i dont date anymore,
wont get my heart torn out anymore,
wont recreate anymore.

so i sit alone, writing,
poem after poem, song after song.
i take a break, to write some music,
but not for very long.

music may be my life,
but the lyric is so addicting.
how to write the perfect song?
it's all so contradicting.

4 am, i realize
now i'm on a roll,
the perfect poem is not from the mind,
but deep within the soul.

lol, ok just a little explanation...several months ago, i promised myself after a relationship failed, i wasn't gonna date again for a long time (and i still haven't yet). and so, while my two best friends (the other 2 guys in my band) were on a double date, i sat at home, alone, going out of my mind, and that was the result.

oh, and by the way, i want your honest opinion, if you think this was retarded, or pointless, tell me and i'll toss it, if you like it tell me. generally i dont write poems, mostly songs, this however i feel wouldn't make a great song.

Of all the people i admire, the one who can make me laugh i admire the most.

JamesMichael
Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-16

Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA

1 posted 2002-01-11 03:18 AM

I think you got your point across...
will you write another one when you decide to date again? James

Jenn Cirrincione

Member Elite

since 2000-07-02

Posts 2107
Fl

2 posted 2002-01-12 01:02 AM

not retarded...rather good actually.

yeah getting your heart torn out sucks

Jenn

"You are the strength, that keeps me walking- you are the hope that keeps me trusting."

xShUgArHiGhx

Member Elite

since 2000-09-26

Posts 3150
tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs

3 posted 2002-01-12 01:39 AM

I agree with the whole heart torn thing...it just nmakes you feel like you wanna die ya kno?bout that subject forever but im not gonna bore u

lol

I liked the poem a lot and i thought that you expressed your point well throughout the poem. Nicely done and keep em coming!

yOu GeT wAt u PaId 4 bUt i JuS hAd nO..iNtEnTion oF liVin tHis waY --Counting crows

Mon Cherie

Senior Member

since 2001-10-31

Posts 922
Land of Never-ending Summers

4 posted 2002-01-12 01:24 PM

Nah, it sounds perfectly good. And I hope you'll get over your broken heart

I understand how it feels like, but I guess we just have to move on with our lives.

And, seriously, I always think that poems and lyrics to songs are basically the same thing. Songs are poems with music added to it. Well, that's just what I think

_,,,^.^,,,_
Florence

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