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LCsftball16
Junior Member

since 2001-05-17

Posts 39

0 posted 2002-01-10 10:33 PM

Breathe in to accept myself--as many breaths as it takes
With tired eyes and a heavy heart yet approaching a new day with a smile
A heavy heart as a sponge would soak up the millions of tears cried inside
And every night squeezed in the presence of God
Everyday redundant, filling the sponge once more
How long can I keep myself locked away from the outside world?
How long can I fool my friends in believing in whom I was thought to be?
Even when I’m at my best my breath falls short recovering with one, long, intense sigh to calm the pain hidden inside.
Agonizing torture followed (even more so) by my own adversities
When will I escape the matters of my own mind and find inner peace?
Unfailing truths about myself diminish dreams within
Hopes and expectations are followed by failure and discouragement, as laughter disintegrates with a smile that most people would know as my trademark.
They leave me with myself once more
And the reality of my own solitude
Is never ending.

i know it has some sentence fragments... some parts don't seem to make sense. help???

xShUgArHiGhx

Member Elite

since 2000-09-26

Posts 3150
tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs

1 posted 2002-01-11 12:21 PM

Help?? With what!? If this is what came out then i think this is just fine...I thought that this poem was great and full of your true emotion...no need to change n e thing in my opinion...but if your a really knit-picker im not one to talk to

yOu GeT wAt u PaId 4 bUt i JuS hAd nO..iNtEnTion oF liVin tHis waY --Counting crows

Marshalzu

Member Elite

since 2001-02-15

Posts 2681
Lurking

2 posted 2002-01-19 04:33 PM

This is great as it is, I know when you use MS office it comes up with sentence fragments and all that language rubbish

but really what comes from the heart is more important than what a machine dicates

"All things must end, but I can see my fate in your eyes" -Turin Breaks

Marshalzu

Member Elite

since 2001-02-15

Posts 2681
Lurking

3 posted 2002-01-19 04:34 PM

I forgot to say how great this is

Andrew

"All things must end, but I can see my fate in your eyes" -Turin Breaks

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