Teen Poetry #5 |
![]() ![]() |
Meteors |
![]() ![]() ![]() |
fozzyozzy Member
since 2001-03-15
Posts 336Lessburg Virginia ![]() |
Meteors She says softly flashes of perfect scratched on an otherwise blank sky I know something is there You can see the sky's blitzes in her puddles of lps Smiling and breaking surface rippling to the tips She will refresh what you thought growing All on the insides of everloving The Fog settles in around YouandMe with a breech of Breath on silent cat's feet Even I forget shooting stars when she falls asleep in my arms We lay warm forever A bond refusing to sever I know something is there ...the night passes on neglecting to say goodbye and another dusty morning All but catches in her eye light lovers dream a smooth miracle of dawn I know something is here it was never gone ----------------------------------- I'm sorry I've been taking so many leaves of absence lately; I apologize to my fans (all two of you). Don't worry, I'm still here ![]() "and Death i think is no paranthesis"-e.e. cummings |
||
© Copyright 2001 Sean Michael DeFlora - All Rights Reserved | |||
keoni Senior Member
since 2000-10-16
Posts 850Up in the mountains in the NFC |
That was an excellent poem. It was very beautifully written. Jon "Only God can judge me" Tupac Shakur |
||
Sherri New Member
since 2001-12-15
Posts 5 |
I think your poem is really great. I found it really touching. Good job, keep the good work up!! |
||
MindlessPoet Member
since 2001-04-20
Posts 106Texas |
aww.. ![]() ![]() For now, all I can do is dream. |
||
[Ice Box] Junior Member
since 2001-12-13
Posts 21Canada |
![]() Nice name. Hehe. This was nicely done! I real work of art! I take it you saw a meteor shower? All good things were inter-mixed here: Ya got yourself a bit o' romance, a lil bit o' night time, a lil bit o' day time...and lossa creativity! Especially at the beginning where you described the meteors as "perfect scratched on an otherwise blank sky" (I think that's how it goes...). The transition from 3rd last stanza to the 2nd las stanza was very smooth. I liked how you wrote: "...the night passes on neglecting to say goodbye", because it always seems that the night leaves without anyone noticing. "A smooth miracle of dawn" (my memory is going again, so if I have this wrong, my deepest apologies) reminded me of miracle whip. Hehe...I'm not one for miracle whip, but you know, it was nice. The ending was beautiful! Especially the last two lines. It gave this poem something more than just a scene...it was more like a continuation of something that never began. Well, thank you for the great read! Be sure to post more often! Thanks for sharing! *smile* ![]() [Ice Box] Frappe. |
||
![]() ![]() |
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
![]() ![]() ![]() |
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. |