Teen Poetry #5 |
![]() ![]() |
The Edge |
![]() ![]() ![]() |
SmileyClar Junior Member
since 2001-11-23
Posts 16nowhere anymore |
The Edge The silence filled with tears Your voice filled with pain Your heart filled with cuts Your life filled with rain. You fell down. My thoughts full of you My hands full of your hair My ears full of your words My mind full of prayers. The wall fell down. You’re not sure of anything You’re not sure about life But I'm stuck down in this hell too I cant take away the strife. I'm sorry, I fell down. Rocking. Crying. Screaming. Dying. F a l l i n g |
||
© Copyright 2001 SmileyClar - All Rights Reserved | |||
Zukene_Chic Member
since 2001-09-26
Posts 152Cali |
This is truly a beautiful poem, and I enjoyed it emensly. Thank you so much for sharing it with us. |
||
Acies![]()
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
I just hope you both find comfort from each other Help each other go thru your own trials stay strong là où est mon amour? |
||
PoetryIsLife![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]()
since 2001-10-27
Posts 1763...in my boxers... |
It's a wonderful thing you have something to help you through the hell you're in. Hold them dear my friend... hold them dear. God bless. Sincerely, Titus |
||
PoetryIsLife![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]()
since 2001-10-27
Posts 1763...in my boxers... |
On to the poem... while the rythm was a bit off, the four lines together was good. The one lines inbetween those was powerful. The ending was splashy, but I probably would have prefered the lines match the fellow four line sets. Again, it was nice, and fairly powerful, but for the poem, I'd probably make those words into lines. Just a thought. ![]() Sincerely, Titus [This message has been edited by PoetryIsLife (12-23-2001 04:59 PM).] |
||
xShUgArHiGhx![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]()
since 2000-09-26
Posts 3150tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs |
Aww hun..this was so dark and dreary....::hugs:: ShE'S nOt ThE kInDa GiRL..WhO lIkeS tO tElL tHe WorLd AbOuT tHe Way She FEEL'S aBouT hErSelf...ShE tAkEs a LiTtLe TiMe In MakIn uP hEr MiNd.. |
||
punkrockerrobin![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]()
since 2001-05-15
Posts 1180Sparks, NV |
i liked this poem a lot! great work! robin repeat after me: punk is the best music ever created! |
||
Fading Away![]() ![]() ![]()
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
This is very well written... very stylistic. This isn't the type of poem I see a lot. It's refreshing reading something new ![]() --Marie If there's one thing I've learned, it's that the most frustrated people in the world are those who know they're stupid, but keep trying anyway. |
||
prov1717 Member
since 2001-12-26
Posts 74NE |
i really enjoyed this! keep it up, i hope i get to read more of your work soon. |
||
![]() ![]() |
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
![]() ![]() ![]() |
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. |