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jeremydraul (epitaph)
| Teen Poetry #5 |
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jeremydraul (epitaph) |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg 
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collect into the fragments, and commence grow through the cracks and out upon the crust where festering, my hollowed pen laments to inken black the dirt upon my bed fall poetry and promises of hell the tincture was a taunting muse instead the alcohol that filled my fountain well too deeply dripping, frightening are we who stopped to stand and count the falling lives to mark them each with nametags yet to be and illustrate the husbands for their wives and none could stop to notice for a glance the veins upon my head were severed wide and I, the illustrator, in a trance, for fear of what was lingering inside I whispered my goodbyes into the night my sister and companion as you know it turned upon me, wiped my footprints white to mask my lost remains within the snow please know my path is hindered by my pen that stabs into my side, as lovers do perhaps someday I'll turn to it again to raise it high and illustrate anew the tissue paper soaked in tears erodes the road before me I have no need for mindless peers to injure and ignore me fear not for me, sweet shards of dust and live as dust should be for you are borne of hate and lust a world unique to me discarded and forgotten so I rest within a crate above the skin we dare to show beneath the hand of fate a narrow path without surprise shall make my inkwell stronger if necessary, take my eyes I long for them no longer   [This message has been edited by Allan Riverwood (edited 07-06-2001).] |
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| © Copyright 2001 Brian James Lee - All Rights Reserved | |||
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knightlyshadows Senior Member
since 2001-04-14
Posts 791obscured vision |
i love this. the thought that u cared enuff for him and his poetry to write this really speaks alot. plus ur style is just top notch quality as always. i always love ur poetry allan. its very professional and touching. the style changed a bit in the middle and i love how u did that. it melded together nicely. great job on this. *applauds* "please know my path is hindered by my pen" and the last four stanzas..you seemed to have wrote differntly. i loved the flow of them and just the wording and imagery here is amazing
erodes the road before me I have no need for mindless peers to injure and ignore me fear not for me, sweet shards of dust and live as dust should be for you are borne of hate and lust a world unique to me discarded and forgotten so I rest within a crate above the skin we dare to show beneath the hand of fate a narrow path without surprise shall make my inkwell stronger if necessary, take my eyes I long for them no longer" |
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anonymousfemale Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797Limbo |
My goodness, Mr Riverwood! Once again you have thrown out all expectations and have written a truly outstanding piece. Your expression and vivid imagery still and will always make you one of the best writers in this place. It is unfortunate that you do not write as much as you used to but by giving us pieces of such a high quality like this really makes your posting such a special event. There was one stanza in here that really made me open my eyes. It was this: "the tissue paper soaked in tears erodes the road before me I have no need for mindless peers to injure and ignore me" I'm sure you know why. If you don't, it doesn't matter. Either way, you have my total awe at your 'gift'.  Well done on this, Allan. Straight to your home - the library. ~AF~ Never speak disrespectfully of Society. Only people who can't get into it do that. ~ Oscar Wilde ~ [This message has been edited by anonymousfemale (edited 07-06-2001).] |
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Linc
since 2001-03-07
Posts 552The Backstreet Boy |
Hey, First off where is my poem hahah no but for real this is really good. Superb as always. I feel bad everyone else wrote a paragrah and more and I am writting a few lines. Oh well not much left for me to say, I enjoyed the whole thing  Until your next I need a new word better than masterpeice hrm I will have to think of something. -- Linc "Blood Moon" |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Well said here Allan. Wow, what an epitaph. I enjoyed this one a lot. Very well done.  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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Kicking Kim Member
since 2001-04-16
Posts 426Cloud Cucko Land! |
This was an excellent poem, very strong and very well structured. I think its the first I've read of yours and so far so good - I am looking forward to reading more!  ^*~Kicking Kim~*^ "Theres no posession, just obsession and growing depression" |
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Marshalzu 
since 2001-02-15
Posts 2681Lurking |
Well done Allan I thought as usual that this shined. I'm in awe of your talent and of this great tribute. Zu "Here we are again finding ourselves at the end Of the wrong stick I guess it's far too late I'm building up the barricades In my head" -My Vitriol |
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zarina Member
since 2001-05-19
Posts 180 |
wOw.. this is great! You're...what can I say? It's a really good poem. well done! |
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Heavens Tears
since 2001-03-15
Posts 677 |
These lines "I whispered my goodbyes into the night my sister and companion as you know it turned upon me, wiped my footprints white to mask my lost remains within the snow" were my favorite, but the entire poem was great. The flow was great throughout. Nicely done. *Amanda* |
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anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
allan! ..this just shows your beautiful talent...and such a heart to write a tribite to jeremy...this amazes me...the imagery and your words are so vivid and so much depth in them...i hope this is some kind of series that you are working on...as i truly await your next one in antipation...and if so it isnt you have done a...outstanding work...with this one, my friend im addicted to passions in poetry!...are you? |
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LoneWolf Member
since 2001-03-10
Posts 384IL |
Wow, this was so beacutiful. A wonderful tribute. Great job as always. It's too bad I'm not as wonderful a person as people say I am, because the world could use a few people like that. |
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Child of the Stars
since 2000-09-07
Posts 1658Ann Arbor, MI |
Well there I was, on vacation, thoughts too far from..well..everything, and I read this. Y'know, it almost made me cry...Now I'm all sad again. Ah well...amazing poem, Mister Riverwood...a library piece, of course...I'll see you 'round, love. ~Carly Forgot to mention the great use of fontage Speak softly and carry a beagle. "Go outside and use your own eyes. You'll be surprised to see things you've never been taught." ~Edouard Manet [This message has been edited by Child of the Stars (edited 07-09-2001).] |
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Low Man's Lyric Member
since 2001-04-03
Posts 236In a dream |
Woa Allan this was great!! I added it to my library. So how have you been? I don't see you in Teen Chat and I was wondering if you will ever drop by. "Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before." |
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mistic Member
since 2001-05-06
Posts 233Idaho, U.S.A. |
this was a sad yet very powerful, very awesoem piece. great job |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
ok just to clarify, he's not dead... I just felt like writing him an epitaph. |
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anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
...im sO gullible..  [This message has been edited by anonymous albert ? (edited 07-10-2001).] |
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Child of the Stars
since 2000-09-07
Posts 1658Ann Arbor, MI |
LoL you thought he died!?! Haha...well I miss him, dead or not. Adios...  Speak softly and carry a beagle. |
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Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
Wow, Allan. I'm so sorry I missed this before. This is more beautiful than I could ever express to you in words. Like Albert, I hope that this is a series you're working on. I would LOVE to see more written about people here at passions. And maybe later, you can teach me how to write an epitaph I'm very glad to see that your muse is back. Or is it? This is an awesome post, Mr. Riverwood. Definitely one of my favorites by you... With every poem you share with us, they just get better and better. I would be crazy not to put this in my library. What a wonderful tribute... I hope he enjoys this. You are VERY talented, and to see your name back on the forum pages is excellent!! I hope you're back for good? I know I miss you here. Awesome work. I can't tell you enough how much I enjoyed this. MORE, MORE  Excellent work... simply outstanding writing. --Marie You can’t expect the roses to grow without the weeds. |
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Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
Dagum it... have to click the button... |
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jeremydraul Senior Member
since 2000-08-01
Posts 1118State of Despair |
well... I dont know what to say. Im glad Ive came across this! It was awesome... very flattering to say the least. Your wise words pursuaded me to write more often... thank you allan. -JR |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
fall ashen and upon me flakes of dust collect into the fragments, and commence grow through the cracks and out upon the crust where festering, my hollowed pen laments to inken black the dirt upon my bed fall poetry and promises of hell the tincture was a taunting muse instead the alcohol that filled my fountain well ======================================= and none could stop to notice for a glance the veins upon my head were severed wide and I, the illustrator, in a trance, for fear of what was lingering inside ======================================== please know my path is hindered by my pen that stabs into my side, as lovers do perhaps someday I'll turn to it again to raise it high and illustrate anew ========================================== a narrow path without surprise shall make my inkwell stronger if necessary, take my eyes I long for them no longer ======================================== I warned you I was lurking I gotta tell ya this is my fave of what I have read so far. This is one very impressive write. My craving for rhyme and cadence is well sated in this melodic melancholy masterpiece. It was a pleasure to read aloud. The imagery is superbly done... vivid and sharp with dark edges creating this tortured, aching write. The vocabulary, language, and poetic phrasing are also most impressive. The references and analogies to poetry, muses, and writing to define the emotions and express them with such intensity is what I was most taken with. That and the fact that this was written for a fellow poet and friend, quite a tribute. Very very cool write Allan. Outstanding. This one goes into my library for future pleasures jm Its not like you to say sorry, |
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luvnkris Member
since 2000-08-31
Posts 144Perth, Australia |
Hey, this is a great poem! One of the best I've read! Well done it! you're very talented!! Love Jo * never live a second without being grateful for all you have around you* |
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prov1717 Member
since 2001-12-26
Posts 74NE |
this is one of the best that i have read here, i loved it, your writing ability is amazing and i really hope to see more stuff from you....excellent work!! |
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Melster Member
since 2000-12-09
Posts 442Brisbane, Qld, Australia |
Allan, Allan, Allan... As I always remember you, the man witht the most powerful words! Nothing has changed has it! You are an extrodinary writer. I have missed so much around here and soo much has changed. I miss not being around here to see all these peices emerge. I pop in now and then and look at all these peices and wonder where all the inspiration comes from! Wow.. That's all I can say! Guys, and Gals, keep up the great work, to all those who know and remember me, HI and I miss you all!! Melster!! You can't hurt me anymore than I have hurt myself already... |
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punkrockerrobin
since 2001-05-15
Posts 1180Sparks, NV |
i liked this poem a lot! great work! robin repeat after me: punk is the best music ever created! |
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