Teen Poetry #5 |
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Untitled... |
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ForeverMyOwn Junior Member
since 2001-11-23
Posts 13Brighton, MI |
I dont know how to start this...but oh well... here it goes... Alone in the dark, a pain in my head. A lone wolf barks, but my feet are as lead. I give out a cry, but this no one hears. but its not a lie, it contains all my fears. Alone i may die, and a short life i've lived. I will not cry, though I've so much to give. And now it ends, Time's ugly face rears. Without no excuse to lend, i give into my fears. -Jim |
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© Copyright 2001 James Bicknell - All Rights Reserved | |||
EagleScorpion Senior Member
since 2000-03-08
Posts 1644Here, Now, Forever |
Well, I dont know how to start this either, but all I have to say is whoa! For a moment there I myself was fearing for your life. Those wolves can be quite mean... but remember, like the wolves, fear is your enemy as well |
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Acies![]()
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
i loved the suttle darkness in the poem Thatnk for sharing, keep it up là où est mon amour? |
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~gretchenp34~ Junior Member
since 2001-10-08
Posts 46Ohio, USA |
i REALLLY like what you have written so far. if u decide to add to it im interested in it ![]() Love is like learning to play the piano. First you must learn to play by the rules, then you must forget the rules and play by your heart. |
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cherish Senior Member
since 2001-03-25
Posts 1639swimming in fairy floss........... |
i liked this loads! very nicely done.. ![]() ![]() ![]() |
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Fading Away![]() ![]() ![]()
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
I really like what you have here. The meter is overall pretty well done, although rough in some areas. I dont necessarily agree with the content, but that's a whole nother discussion on it's own. With the meter, I think there are a few places where you could take out a word, or add a word to enhance the flow. For instance, you have: Alone i may die, and a short life i've lived. I will not cry, though I've so much to give. I think on that third line, a word could be added to have the meter match with the rest of the poem. You've done a fine job. I haven't seen much of your work, and I look forward to reading more. ![]() --Marie If going to church makes you a Christian, then sitting in a garage makes you a car. |
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