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Succubus Spill
| Teen Poetry #5 |
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Succubus Spill |
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Faerie Lick New Member
since 2002-06-21
Posts 9Curious, so curious |
In your room I've come into Slipped on the skins of your perfect girl of your wet dream I smile, craving Craving I'm going to own you, just like I've owned so many before Can't kill a girl for trying to play a boy's game You smile I smile Got you Hey, look at me. |
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| © Copyright 2002 Elizabeth - All Rights Reserved | |||
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aaron woodside Member
since 2001-09-26
Posts 256 |
"think before i talk, think before i talk" ok i'm ready. This is good, a little short but I do like the fact your very open about things. But believe me it's not only a man's game. Too many women have broken my heart with just this type of thing. Just cuz they could. Ah well "sa la ve". I liked it though, I did. ex animo, Aaron There are no great men, only men in great circumstances. |
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Jenn Cirrincione
since 2000-07-02
Posts 2107Fl |
Don't you mean c'est le vie?  This piece struck a chord with me...man, us women can do some major damage can't we...*sigh*... Careful is all I can say- cause karma is a bitch. Why is it that we are at our most ingenius only when trying to destroy the things that keep us alive and thriving? |
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Neosaphire Junior Member
since 2002-06-21
Posts 20Oklahoma City |
oooo...very fun, very real, very concise. Short = good when done well, the only danger is that you have to pick and arrange your words perfectly to get the full effect. My only real picky thing is that the wording of the first two lines are a bit akward. Great poem  |
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BrokenAngel Member
since 2002-01-06
Posts 141Puryear, TN, USA |
Even though it is a little short, it adds to the effect of it. Just goes to show ya, women can do bad things to *evil grin*. Keep up the good work and enjoy Passions!! ~*~*~Night Angel~*~*~ [This message has been edited by BrokenAngel (06-22-2002 11:39 AM).] |
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Faerie Lick New Member
since 2002-06-21
Posts 9Curious, so curious |
C'est la vie. Hey, look at me. |
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fearing-laughter Senior Member
since 2001-04-24
Posts 605land of cheese (Wisconsin) |
hey. lol i would give you some story like "*gasp* that is so wrong!" but aye, it happens, and if it happens people should write about it. good good@you for having the courage to do so. this piece actually made me smile lol. perhaps i am sadistic, but i actually think i'm just easily amused. overall it was a good piece, i thought. thanks for sharing. -bergundy- maybe i'll catch fire, something nice to warm me. something pure to burn away the darkness, that hides inside my mind. -alkaline trio- |
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cutiepiesugarbabie Member
since 2002-06-07
Posts 110A Cloud In the Sky |
hey-a girl playa...always fun lol i have a couple of friends like that...I'm too shy...but good poem  o*~Everyone makes mistakes-get over them and make more tomorrow!~*o |
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cutiepiesugarbabie Member
since 2002-06-07
Posts 110A Cloud In the Sky |
hey-a girl playa...always fun lol i have a couple of friends like that...I'm too shy...but good poem o*~Everyone makes mistakes-get over them and make more tomorrow!~*o |
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songsoftheaftermath Member
since 2002-06-19
Posts 84a world of disarray |
"You smile I smile Got you" i liked this.a woman rules in a mans world a woman rules in a mans world a woman rules....   Welcome to here. you've got me now...show me more could the darkness be my friend? |
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