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Teen Poetry #5

Help me name this?

allie
Member

since 2001-07-09

Posts 218
Australia

0 posted 2001-11-11 04:03 AM

*who knows what this is about?*

Tiny pieces of jagged light,
Ripped from the night’s sky.
We said that this light was ours,
The light we stole from way up high.

Fragments of my sanity,
The ones you left behind.
Scattered by the wind and sea,
The sanity I’m trying to find.

And there’s red and orange hurt,
Which says you won’t come home.
Hurt I see on sunburnt ground.
Hurt I feel when I’m alone.

Acies

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-06-07

Posts 7665
Twilight Zone

1 posted 2001-11-12 09:56 AM

the poem has a riddle read to it
well, it might just be me
but still, you did a good job
thanks for sharing

là où est mon amour?
donde está mi amour?
wo ist meine Liebe?

xShUgArHiGhx

Member Elite

since 2000-09-26

Posts 3150
tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs

2 posted 2001-11-13 01:34 PM

This was beautiful. It has some sort of hidden meaning that i just cant grasp onto though..nice job

ShE'S nOt ThE kInDa GiRL..WhO lIkeS tO tElL tHe WorLd AbOuT tHe Way She FEEL'S aBouT hErSelf...ShE tAkEs a LiTtLe TiMe In MakIn uP hEr MiNd..

Missthang
Member

since 2001-07-03

Posts 103

3 posted 2001-11-13 06:01 PM

i liked the way if flowed together. it was almost as if i was floating from stanza to stanza, being carried by the wind. nice!
also..about your title...hmmm, let's see what i can do. even though i'm not sure what you are talking about in this one, it's evident that you were happy at some point and upset by the end. how about something like "Natures Curse". it's just a thought. anyhoo, good write.
ab

"Whatever you are doing, love yourslef for doing it.
Whatever you are feeling, love yourself for feeling it."
-Thaddeus Golas

allie
Member

since 2001-07-09

Posts 218
Australia

4 posted 2001-11-14 03:33 AM

Thank you sooo much guys, especially missthang i loved your idea for a title!
Thanks for the support!

ALLIE

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