Teen Poetry #5 |
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The Flame: A Fairytale Gone Wrong |
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vixengrl04 Member
since 2001-04-26
Posts 495East Haddam, CT ![]() |
Hey guys, I know it's been forever since I've posted anything!!! I've missed ya'll so much!! So here's the latest piece of poetry I've written. It's kinda a sob story but please let me know what you think. Thanks! ~*Nikki*~ The Flame: A Fairytale Gone Wrong Once upon a time, A fire burned in my heart. The loving warmth I felt, Came from the flame of a new start. Lost within a trance, I was enveloped in felicity. Finally finding love, Buried beneath simplicity. The flame was burning bright, Refusing to be put out. Until the day you broke my heart, Drenching it in drought. My feelings toward you changed, And I was loath to try again. I grew to despise you deeply, As I lost all faith in men. But somehow the flame relit itself, And it burns for you hereafter. I feel the flicker inside my heart: Unhappily ever after. ~*I'd rather you hate me for what I am than love me for what I'm not.*~ |
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© Copyright 2001 Nikki - All Rights Reserved | |||
Local Parasite![]()
since 2001-11-05
Posts 2527Transylconia, Winnipeg |
I like the introduction and ending a lot. It's hard to begin and end a poem, and you did it in such an old style and it worked good. I like the "felicity/simplicity" rhyme. It was so complex and sounded so good. ![]() Theo |
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Crash&Burn Member
since 2001-01-18
Posts 119 |
this piece has a very elaborate rhyme scheme I really enjoyed it, though being a man and all I'd like to know the monkey who broke your heart giving us men a bad rep. Anyways yeah I liked your poem, it's full of emotion very well portrayed, I also hope things get better for you, and me, and all other lovesick/love missed puppies out there, not everything is bad so something good is bound to eventually come up ![]() ![]() ![]() I see the darkness coming all is bleak... |
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branden726![]() ![]()
since 2000-09-25
Posts 607Bay City, MI |
Hi! I liked this i really did wow i wish i wrote like that and ive been gone for like 4 months maybe longer :-/ well love the poem ~*~Branden~*~ |
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anonymous albert ?![]()
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
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DawnG![]() ![]()
since 2000-06-23
Posts 1494United States |
vixen, I hope you can find happiness some day. Dawn |
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Jenn Cirrincione![]() ![]()
since 2000-07-02
Posts 2107Fl |
Great job here!! I loved the way that this one flowed, you did splendidly on it. ~Lost within a trance, I was enveloped in felicity. Finally finding love, Buried beneath simplicity.~ LOVING this ![]() Jenn "I want love on my own terms; after everything I've ever learned. Me, I carry too much baggage..." [This message has been edited by Jenn Cirrincione (edited 11-07-2001).] |
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Acies![]()
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
Why do you have to lose faith in all cause of the actions of one? Stay strong and keep that head up Nice to see you around here again là où est mon amour? |
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xShUgArHiGhx![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]()
since 2000-09-26
Posts 3150tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs |
WoW this was really good Nikki..i really enjoyed it and i understand how you feel. One thing can change the course of your life unfortunately and im sorry it happened to work out that way for you..but not all men are alike...although sometimes i tend to think that they are..but deep inside i kno their not...you need to find someone to make you happy so you can live HAPPILY ever after ShE'S nOt ThE kInDa GiRL..WhO lIkeS tO tElL tHe WorLd AbOuT tHe Way She FEEL'S aBouT hErSelf...ShE tAkEs a LiTtLe TiMe In MakIn uP hEr MiNd.. |
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vixengrl04 Member
since 2001-04-26
Posts 495East Haddam, CT |
Hey guys, Thank you for all of your replies!!! I'd like to think that something good will happen and that I will live "happily ever after" but right now I'm thinkin that's not gonna happen...But thanks! ![]() ~*Nikki*~ ~*I'd rather you hate me for what I am than love me for what I'm not.*~ |
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