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Teen Poetry #5
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freeflow
| Teen Poetry #5 |
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freeflow |
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laconic Member
since 2002-02-17
Posts 64Melbourne, Australia |
freeflow here we go... lemme tell you bout a life as messed up as mine only time i resign is when i see the light blind in death my breath still never stops cause even in the grave this pounding never drops in my head, i'm dead, a living zombie in the life a live man lived i pop a pill im mouth for now take my mind off the pain, smile somehow body adrift, mind amiss though i know i'll never win, i'll still face this no one knows my troubles but my God and me inside out, only He can see what i'm made of and what i can do what i will choose, whether i lose and thats what scares me my mortality questioned i don't see whats instore for me and damn thats scary but dont get me wrong coz i'm not fallen whole, healthy and hearty i'm not crawling cause in these days of counterfeit i've realised the truth and truth in it it all doesnt matter, the matter of envy feeling bad what u dont got, this dependancy to measure one's self on another, my brothers and sisters better duck for cover. Cause somebody else is always gonna have what you dont got, the lot.. nobody ever posses the whole pot. But i know that now, somehow i realise my own foolishness to think we werent all equals who was i fooling miss? myself i guess this fact i stress, God made us all individuals and for that we're blessed |
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| © Copyright 2002 Luke Zhang - All Rights Reserved | |||
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knightlyshadows Senior Member
since 2001-04-14
Posts 791obscured vision |
oo surprised no ones replied to this yet. well i Loved it. think you did very well on it. it flowed well to me, almost like a song and rather fast then what i usually read from around here, imho atleast. there were several lines and phrases that i thought were very nice. such as.. take my mind off the pain, smile somehow body adrift, mind amiss though i know i'll never win, i'll still face this no one knows my troubles but my God and me inside out, only He can see and and thats what scares me my mortality questioned i don't see whats instore for me and damn thats scary but dont get me wrong coz i'm not fallen and cause in these days of counterfeit i've realised the truth and truth in it it all doesnt matter, the matter of envy feeling bad what u dont got, this dependancy to measure one's self on another,... “A single choice can build destinies,or destroy them.” |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
I liked it a lot. Some of the syllable counts were a bit messed up, but i read it like a rap....like a diddy hehe and enjoyed it much. I write in this style myself sometimes. I hope to see more.  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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laconic Member
since 2002-02-17
Posts 64Melbourne, Australia |
knightlyshawdows and dopeydope, thanks for your positive feedback. |
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