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Teen Poetry #5
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untitled..suggestions????
| Teen Poetry #5 |
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untitled..suggestions???? |
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baby0508 Member
since 2001-05-16
Posts 58Moodus, Connecticut |
guys, this isn't meant to be a "dirty" poem i mean playing as in with my emotions..k? It sat alone up on the shelf Looking so brand new. It was everything you wanted So you took it home with you. It was your favortie "toy" You played with it everyday. Until one day you thought You'd throw the toy away. You threw it in the garbage You didn't care to see its face It must've cluttered up your room Did it take up too much space? I was your little toy and you wanted all to see. That I was your little toy And you loved to "play" with me. A little toy once broken Can never be the same. And if that is what you wanted, Then you won your little game. |
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| © Copyright 2001 Heather - All Rights Reserved | |||
xShUgArHiGhx 
since 2000-09-26
Posts 3150tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs |
ooooOOooo i liked this one..it was sad but you expressed yourself nicely...good job! ShE'S nOt ThE kInDa GiRL..WhO lIkeS tO tElL tHe WorLd AbOuT tHe Way She FEEL'S aBouT hErSelf...ShE tAkEs a LiTtLe TiMe In MakIn uP hEr MiNd.. |
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Skyfire
since 2000-12-27
Posts 3381Riding |
OOhhh ouch. Someone actually did that to you? Can I beat 'im up for you? Very well written here! ~I am a computer genius... Hey! How do you turn this thing on?!? |
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Local Parasite
since 2001-11-05
Posts 2527Transylconia, Winnipeg |
Nice ending. I wouldn't change much about this poem, but you really didn't have to blatantly explain the metaphor in stanza 4. It takes away from the interperetational value. But like I said, good ending sentiment. |
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Jenn Cirrincione
since 2000-07-02
Posts 2107Fl |
I understood that it was not dirty. It was great. I also understand that "used" feeling and it blows. *hugs* to you. Jenn "I want love on my own terms; after everything I've ever learned. Me, I carry too much baggage..." |
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DawnG
since 2000-06-23
Posts 1494United States |
Baby, Boy do I understand that used feeling. It is not a good feeling at all. *hugs* Dawn |
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vixengrl04 Member
since 2001-04-26
Posts 495East Haddam, CT |
Hey Heather, You already know how much I like this poem! But it makes me really sad. I hope that somebody picks you off the shelf and keeps you forever.  ~*Nikki*~ ~*I'd rather you hate me for what I am than love me for what I'm not.*~ |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
hope you find someone who'll treat you like the true princess that you are and not like some old toy. thanks for sahring là où est mon amour? |
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Honey Member
since 2001-10-09
Posts 92Hot girl From Canada |
I absoulty loved this!!!! it was awesome. If you wrote this for sumone you should give it to them. It Feels As If I've Always Been Someone On The Outside Looking In. |
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NathanS Member
since 2001-09-27
Posts 106CA |
I liked this alot, i have been there in a similar manor, and i think you expressed yourself very well As for a suggestion to the title.... hm... How bout: "Toying" with emotions ? or something like that.... great write! -Dreys "Weeeeeeeeeeeeee!" |
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baby0508 Member
since 2001-05-16
Posts 58Moodus, Connecticut |
Thank you guys so much. It really means alot to me when you respond to my poems. It all comes from the heart ya know? thanks again luv yas, heather |
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