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Teen Poetry #5
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Misplaced pieces of me.
| Teen Poetry #5 |
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Misplaced pieces of me. |
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Spice Senior Member
since 2001-04-13
Posts 1266Resting in my cardboard box. 
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Guess who decided to post again? HeHeHe...Tis I! Jesa the Great! I got bored late last night, what can I say? It's really not that hard to understand (Though I can explain if needed), it's not too long, and it even has a bit of a rhyme scheme going on...Oh the humanity! So ya, here ya go... Misplaced pieces of me. Laconic heart, demented mind Misplaced pieces of me. Abandoned feelings, relentless purgatory A tawdry human being. Seething fists, beguiling eyes My corpse of vitality. Slaughtered hopes of crushed desires I'm heaved into reality. Vacant souls, such paltry emotions Surrounded by shades of blue. A fluttering tongue reflects sombrous pride... And it's all attributed to you. Every now and then I like to stick my foot in my mouth... [This message has been edited by Spice (edited 11-04-2001).] |
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| © Copyright 2001 Jessica L. Thompson - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Domzi Member
since 2001-09-08
Posts 288New York (BK) |
Pretty good poem for someone who was bored! It speaks of rage...anger...it flows nicely. Do or die! |
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Zukene_Chic Member
since 2001-09-26
Posts 152Cali |
WOW! Why is it that everyone can word the world better than I? I loved this... |
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Skyfire 
since 2000-12-27
Posts 3381Riding |
Yay! You posted!!! Yay!!! Well done on this one! Late night is the best time for good poems, hey? ~I am a computer genius... Hey! How do you turn this thing on?!? |
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cherish Senior Member
since 2001-03-25
Posts 1639swimming in fairy floss........... |
WOW!!!....nice to see you posting again jesa!..but i have to be honest with you....*scratches her head and the dust stirs quietly within*...i didnt understand half the words you chose!  ..not to say they didnt sounds kick butt on its own...you had the flow of the poem down to par...good job with that it sounded really good..i just*cough*need*cough*an*ahem*explaination  keep writing, poet... |
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AngelPoet87 Member
since 2001-04-21
Posts 280Indy |
The format on this was really great, and the ending rocked. Good write. |
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Spice Senior Member
since 2001-04-13
Posts 1266Resting in my cardboard box. |
Here...I shall add words with the same meaning in parenthesis.. ( LOL- I break out the thesaurus now when I write...I'm like "Quiet...Hmm.... OH! LACONIC!" Laconic (Quiet, few words)heart, demented (Crazy) mind Misplaced pieces of me. Abandoned feelings, relentless purgatory A tawdry (Cheap) human being. Seething (mad) fists, beguiling (Lying) eyes My corpse of vitality (Life/energy)). Slaughtered hopes of crushed desires I'm heaved into reality. Vacent souls, such paltry (trivial...meaningless) emotions Surrounded by shades of blue. A fluttering (To move out of nervousness...in otherwords-scared) tongue reflects sombrous (Gloomy, pride... And it's all attributed to you. In summary... Because of the actions and being of this supposed "you" at the end I have completely lost who I was...hence the line "Misplaced pieces of me." Everything about me has changed... I feel dead on the inside, yet I'm functioning as if I were alive on the outside... ("Corpse of vitality") I feel cheap, I'm depressed...None of my feelings or emotions matter...I'm just the empty soul wandering in the never ending hell of my feelings and emotions that I am too afraid to speak of...This person has abused my trust and hurt me so bad by his actions and words that I've realized that all my hopes ...basically everything I thought *I* stood for, everything I though *WE* stood for was a complete joke/lie- And by that I was just given this huge reality hit...All my dreams were shattered and this is what happens to me when I've been hurt....I just crumble and crawl into myself...Yep... So thats about it...I hope I helped the TINIEST bit...Glad to know someone would take enough interest to ask...Means alot- Thanks Cherish! *Huggles* Every now and then I like to stick my foot in my mouth... [This message has been edited by Spice (edited 11-04-2001).] |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Yeah I could tell this wasn't really your usual vocabulary, but it does work well within your poetry. A poem well expressed. I enjoyed it much.  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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Jenn Cirrincione
since 2000-07-02
Posts 2107Fl |
"My corpse of vitality. Slaughtered hopes of crushed desires I'm heaved into reality." Well. Now right there, wow. I relate very much.Doesn't reality suck so friggin much?! Oi. I liked this a lot. I'm usually a vocab/english freak, but even *I* was lost on some of it  Thanks for the explanation though.  "I want love on my own terms; after everything I've ever learned. Me, I carry too much baggage..." |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
I thought an explanation wasn't really needed The poem was very self explanatory This is a shocker though Jesa I never thought you had such a grasp of the English Vocabulary I'm more than impressed  Excellent write là où est mon amour? donde está mi amour? wo ist meine Liebe? [This message has been edited by acire (edited 11-08-2001).] |
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xShUgArHiGhx
since 2000-09-26
Posts 3150tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs |
Rather dark and sad but still i loved it..you expressed yourself nicely...wonderfully done ShE'S nOt ThE kInDa GiRL..WhO lIkeS tO tElL tHe WorLd AbOuT tHe Way She FEEL'S aBouT hErSelf...ShE tAkEs a LiTtLe TiMe In MakIn uP hEr MiNd.. |
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anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
*sigh* talk about a piece i LOVED and related to(Tis totally ME right now except the "you" to me is "the world and life") but what can i say. you've becoming a poet i simply cant past and look away...amazingly written, Jessica... [This message has been edited by anonymous albert ? (edited 11-05-2001).] |
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cherish Senior Member
since 2001-03-25
Posts 1639swimming in fairy floss........... |
....wow..that sounds AMAZING..the explaination helped SO SO much!*claps her little heart out* an EXCELLENT write i have to say jesa, i loved the way you expressed yourself in this. well done girly ..in my library! |
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DawnG
since 2000-06-23
Posts 1494United States |
Spice, This is really good. I do have to admit that I'm glad you posted the summary though. Unfortunately, I too feel misplaced a lot. I hope you find yourself soon. Dawn |
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DancinQueen
since 2000-07-29
Posts 1092Kokomo,IN,USA |
lol thats so me... good poem tho...i havent read much by you. you probably havent read much by me either. neither of us post very much. but i think we like it that way, makes us mysterious newho..great job!*dq **You can't always trust the people you want to** |
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keoni Senior Member
since 2000-10-16
Posts 850Up in the mountains in the NFC |
I'm glad I visited when I did. This is awesome. I totally loved it. Excellent poem. Great rhyme scheme. It's library material. Jon "Only God can judge me" Tupac Shakur |
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Spice Senior Member
since 2001-04-13
Posts 1266Resting in my cardboard box. |
Personal Thankyou's... Domzi- Hmm...A new name to me. Hi!  Thanks for the compliment...Yes, a bit of rage....But mostly pain and desperation I guess...Zukene_Chic- LOL, I know how ya feel...There are a few poets here that can always express themselves so well...and I'm always soo jealous. LOL, glad to know you thought I did a good job. Means alot. Sky- YA! I Posted! HaHA, Yep, late night is the best. *Huggles* Thanks for readin. Cherish- I already praised you for probing the poem...what more do you want? LOL...Thanks as always! You always give such awesome support. Angel- Thanks, Endings can make or break a good write...Glad to know mine was done well in your eyes. Dopey_Dope- Actually, some of it was my vocabulary...And no, not just the "A" and "The" parts of it...  Thanks for taking the time to read and reply. I was suprised.Jenn- I'm curious to know if you and I are in the same situation...Cause alot of your poetry is speaking to me as you could relate to mine...Odd. Perhaps we should talk? LOL. Anyway, Glad you liked! Acire- Must you make me do this -->  ? Whatcha mean though? How can a poem be self explanitory but still need an explanation? Oh how you baffle me! But thanks so much on the praise! *Huggles*Shugar- You know me...All about the dark and sad ones...  Alby- Awww, thanks deary! *Huggles* Glad I could write something you could relate to... Dawn- Thanks for the encouragement...Hope all is gets better with you as well...feeling misplaced is horrible. DQ- Perhaps we shall call ourselves hate "Mysterious Mamas!" MUWahaha... But ya, I can't stand it when people post more than a-2 poems a week.. So I try not to but but maybe 2 times a month...maybe 3 if I'm feeling creative...I did however read one of your poems the other day and LOVED it... Twas on my level...You are an awesome writer. Hope to see more. Jon- Dude! I replie to your poem the other day, and when I went back to it..It was gone! WTF? Where'd it go?  ANYWAY, glad ya liked it man....Between you and Cheri and Alby and Acire I always know I'll have a reply to my poem..no matter how crappy it is...Thanks for the support man and hope to see more from you as well!Nobody is perfect until you fall in love with them. |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
I said you didn't need to explain it là où est mon amour? |
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Jenn Cirrincione
since 2000-07-02
Posts 2107Fl |
hehe Jesa. That is a great possibility. My MSN is [email protected] add me "I want love on my own terms; after everything I've ever learned. Me, I carry too much baggage..." |
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Spice Senior Member
since 2001-04-13
Posts 1266Resting in my cardboard box. |
Acire you LIAR! You changed it!!!!  Will do, Jenn!  |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
No I'm not  là où est mon amour? |
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vixengrl04 Member
since 2001-04-26
Posts 495East Haddam, CT |
Hey wow-this was good!! It's really dark, and deep, and sad...But it's a feeling I, unfortunately, can totally relate to..Every once in a while it's refreshing to see something written by somebody else that I relate to completely, because then I know I'm not the only one in the world that feels that way..Yea, this piece was like that 4 me...So anwyays, good job, and I hope you feel better! ~*Nikki*~ ~*I'd rather you hate me for what I am than love me for what I'm not.*~ |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
I'm reading this back and looking at the explanation and wondering whether this was written about me or not......well.....is it? I am also reading this poem and seeing a lot of your talent. Seriously, I would have never believed that this was yours if I look back on the YOU you were back in the old days...when u were 13. Yep yep, I knew you way back then, amazing, isn't it? You have blossomed into this profound being that speaks with a vernacular better than I (thank you webster's! lol). I am just amazed at the person you've become. You truly amaze me, truly. I can't help but think how deep of a person you are, and it bothers me that all these kids in your school just think of you as some fun, pervy girl who's a blast to be with and not also as this great mind who thinks and perceives the world for what it truly is. You're getting closer and closer to this level of mind that I am just happy to say I know you.....it's a honor, indeed. You amaze me....the poem amazes me....well done. I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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Spice Senior Member
since 2001-04-13
Posts 1266Resting in my cardboard box. |
Aww...My eyes watered reading the damn poem over again...HAdn't seen it in ages. *Huggles* Thank you for the compliments, you have no idea how much it means to me. LOL, and ya, thank Webster's for the awesome vocabulary..LOL. And you can't blame the kids at school...Thats the only way I act around them...Though Holls ha been begging to read my "poetry"...I think I might even let her...who knows. LOL, 13....Was it 13? It was 7th or 8th grade...I can't remember now....12 or 13 would be right. But how old was I though to be? LMAO....  Oh well, the maturity level is still at an alltime low...Just the boobs and butt have gotten bigger.  As for what the poem was about....Actually a mixture of things, You of course had a huge play in it as did my father....Alot of factors contributed to the write though...But ya, You and Dad probably had the biggest chunks. It just seems that you are the two people that can slip up in the most trivial ( ANd some VERY un-trivial)ways, and yet have a huge impact on me for quite some time after. But I'm glad you liked it, I'm glad you bumped it up so that I could read it again, and I'm glad I can still amaze you from time to time. Good friends are hard to find, harder to leave, and impossible to |
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Jezziekaka Member
since 2001-08-21
Posts 58where the trees touch the sky |
Spice~ Great poem!! when I am bored I sometimes write! Hey, I just got a idea! How surprising! When my brother or sister say they are bored to Mom and she asks me I'll say no I'm writing! LOL Just kidding! great poem!! |
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Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
Jesa! Wow... this was so beautiful. The vocabulary and language throughout the poem makes it just that much better. Thanks for the explination. Half the words I didn't quite understand either, but after reading your explination, and reading it through again a few more times, I really connected with it. I thought the way you described being lost was magnificent. The descriptions really put me in your shoes, and gave me chills more than once. This is a short piece, but that's good. It need not be long... it's power is evident. More than evident. You really threw your emotions out there on this. Beautiful.. I must say, I am pleased that this was brought back up. Your poetry being some of the first I read on my first days back is a very nice welcome back surprise Again, this is fantastic piece. Your writing has grown in such a way. You should be extremely proud of this one. Oh, and what was that in your reply to Javi... putting your poetry in quotes? *shakes head* If I could only make you see what a writer you are... Well, anywho, very beautiful work. Post more, darnit! --Marie If there's one thing I've learned, it's that the most frustrated people in the world are those who know they're stupid, but keep trying anyway. |
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