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Aerostatal
New Member

since 2001-10-29

Posts 1
What's a State?

0 posted 2001-10-29 09:17 PM

If you only knew…
Some of the thinks I go through.
My love for you is so true.
I want nothing but to be with you.

I just can’t understand why,
No matter how hard I try.
This one thing I can’t deny,
I will love you until they day I die.

My life with you would be ideal
Some would even say surreal.
My heart yours to steal,
Now it’s your turn to deal.

I don't really care for the last sent. but anyways what did you think?

:~:~:~ Aerostatal ~:~:~:

"Wouldn't you like to know..."

hoppy
Member

since 2000-01-27

Posts 271

1 posted 2001-10-29 09:44 PM

my suggestion,go back and rewrite it...get a new form, great ideas here, just really under developed. write what's in your head, not what you think will fit into a scheme, unless you have a good flowing scheme.

i could be bounded in a nut shell and count myself king of infinite space

quietlydying

Senior Member

since 2001-06-10

Posts 935
the wonderful land of oz

2 posted 2001-10-29 10:57 PM

i agree with what hoppy says, he's got some good advice there.

i do like what you have so far though.

and welcome to passions!!!!!!

- jen

so foul and fair a day i have not seen. - macbeth act 1, scene 3

HopelessRomanticGuy
Member

since 2001-08-17

Posts 495
LI, New York

3 posted 2001-10-29 11:01 PM

Time for advice from a moron! Do what hoppy said, write what's in your head or heart straight from there, don't try and make it better and it'll be fine. Well, thats all the advice this moron has to give, what you do, is up to you.

Don't Drink and Park!
Accidents may cause People!

Skyfire

Member Elite

since 2000-12-27

Posts 3381
Riding

4 posted 2001-10-30 12:08 PM

Welcome to Passions! What a great first post!! Keep posting, and eventually make your way over to Teen Chat! (discussions)

PS> Check your email for a special greeting!

~I am a computer genius... Hey! How do you turn this thing on?!?

~Love me because I am Rhonda

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

5 posted 2001-10-30 04:25 AM

I think you did just fine for your first post. I enjoyed it and it ended well. Hope to see more of your work soon.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

Somewhere out there a cow is laughing at you

xShUgArHiGhx

Member Elite

since 2000-09-26

Posts 3150
tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs

6 posted 2001-10-30 10:30 AM

WELCOME TO PASSIONS!!!!!

In my opinion you did a great job for your first post (jus like what dopey said)....Jus let your mind run free when you write

It'll all come together...Im glad that you decided to join us and i hope you enjoy it here...welcome and cant wait to see more from you in the future!

ShE'S nOt ThE kInDa GiRL..WhO lIkeS tO tElL tHe WorLd AbOuT tHe Way She FEEL'S aBouT hErSelf...ShE tAkEs a LiTtLe TiMe In MakIn uP hEr MiNd..

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