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| Teen Poetry #5 |
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playroom stories |
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dastard Member
since 2001-07-14
Posts 55in tearing silence |
I was kinda pushed to post again... nevertheless this is a product of my own will, it takes more than that to make me do something I don't want... Actually I wasn't going to post this [or at all put this down somewhere] as it came out that this was once more nothing but a fake image my mind put up... the situation I used to relate it to was different... long prolog, bad poem two dolls of plastic holding nonsense smiles sat and faced their eyes confronted telling that they were so close tied together by a string not of substance, but of spirit nothing but pieces of their souls been pulled to make the other speak every word so warm and healing meaningful, but yet so hollow made them feel not quite so lonely removed the darkness of their room enlighted eyes to shine at the other made their smiles look real and human but already their eyes were staind warmth of hearts transmitted where there are no hearts at all hopes brought up to crash back down beyond was darkness, empty space one time the string was pulled but now word fulfilled the room eyes remained dead and silent ice was set where warmth had been one doll fell down and broke apart still no movement in the eyes still no word of travelled the air plastic eyes stared on right forward no change on the other's face may it smile against the wall # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # #  urgh, what have I done here..?!"Only two things are infinite; the universe and humans' stupidity, but I'm not sure yet about the universe." ~Albert Einstein |
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| © Copyright 2001 dastard - All Rights Reserved | |||
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stace_co2003 Member
since 2001-03-30
Posts 497In a dream world |
awww, that wasn't bad, worse has been written!! but I was scrolling and saw 0 replies, and I thought oh gosh, must be bad, I read it, and I like it!! so, bleh to everyone who doesn't reply, this poem is GOOD!!! ~*~I'm in love with a man named ZU~*~ *huggles Krissy* |
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Pixie-Babe03 Member
since 2000-08-29
Posts 387Central Maine |
i totaly agree with stace  great post -=Love starts with a SMILE, grows with a KISS, and ends with a TEAR=- |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Very well done here. I enjoyed the poem a great deal dastard!  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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xShUgArHiGhx
since 2000-09-26
Posts 3150tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs |
I thought this was very interesting...bravo dastard my dear boy...bravo! ShE'S nOt ThE kInDa GiRL..WhO lIkeS tO tElL tHe WorLd AbOuT tHe Way She FEEL'S aBouT hErSelf...ShE tAkEs a LiTtLe TiMe In MakIn uP hEr MiNd.. |
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cherish Senior Member
since 2001-03-25
Posts 1639swimming in fairy floss........... |
wow...i truly felt the depth of this poem when i read it custard dear. you write so beautifully well, its a real shame you put yourself down like that all the time. your poetry is always a pleasure to read, so youre not allowed from this day on, to say that you suck y'hear? "every word so warm and healing meaningful, but yet so hollow made them feel not quite so lonely removed the darkness of their room enlighted eyes to shine at the other made their smiles look real and human but already their eyes were staind" that was both very beautiful and powerful at the same time. i can relate to this somewhat as well...lets just hope the string is NEVER pulled. and know that my smile is never fake either.  keep posting ok? *mwa*  My england is goodly- are you strudable? |
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anonymousfemale Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797Limbo |
I picked out the same bit as Cherish. Matey, you've got a way with your words so don't ever be discouraged from sharing them with the world. It's haunting in so many ways and brilliantly written. The imagery I'm getting from this is mindblowing. I love the concept of two dolls instead of actually using people. The inanimate objects bring so much more feeling to the piece than those that actually breathe. The message is a powerful one but remember, the smiles do come and faces aren't stoney forever. Thank you for posting this. I loved it to bits and really enjoyed it. ~AF~ "Sometimes the only way to stay sane is to go a little crazy." - Susanna Kaysen |
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quietlydying
since 2001-06-10
Posts 935the wonderful land of oz |
you see, apparently i can't come up with anything on my own, because once again cherish and liz have beat me to it. but hey, they say great minds think alike. great piece, and i'm agreeing with everything those two already said. i'm just too lazy to retype it. /gwen/ so foul and fair a day i have not seen. - macbeth act 1, scene 3 |
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