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Knight of Secrecy
Member

since 2001-10-12

Posts 113
San Juan, Puerto Rico

0 posted 2001-10-25 04:04 PM

My distinction

Might something so stale
Become a growing addiction
Will someone’s mistake
Be my distinction?

Will light show the things that shall shudder?
Will dark cover the things that shall bother?
May life define the meaning of its book?
May death change its title?

Breaked this stale connection
Made this breath your last
Faked your own frustrations
Waked from a dream in a gasp

By the mean's to an end
my life has ended,
Will someone’s mistake
be my distinction?

Ok, this is an kind of experiment for me.It's a style I have been avoiding,but here it is.

-C.M.

Zukene_Chic
Member

since 2001-09-26

Posts 152
Cali

1 posted 2001-10-25 04:56 PM

well, you did a pretty good job. well done *huggles*

Skyfire

Member Elite

since 2000-12-27

Posts 3381
Riding

2 posted 2001-10-25 09:22 PM

"Might something so stale
Become a growing addiction
Will someone’s mistake
Be my distinction?"

I just love that part. It could be taken in so many different contexts! If you've been avoiding this style lately, then KEEP WRITING in it!!!! It's good. Really good!

It takes more work to love myself than to love others... I guess that explains it, eh?

xShUgArHiGhx

Member Elite

since 2000-09-26

Posts 3150
tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs

3 posted 2001-10-26 10:08 AM

"Might something so stale
Become a growing addiction
Will someone’s mistake
Be my distinction?"

That part of the poem was my absolute favorite because it relates to me so well..wow i have to say this was a phenominal poem...really enjoyed it..great work!

ShE'S nOt ThE kInDa GiRL..WhO lIkeS tO tElL tHe WorLd AbOuT tHe Way She FEEL'S aBouT hErSelf...ShE tAkEs a LiTtLe TiMe In MakIn uP hEr MiNd..

anonymousfemale
Member Elite

since 2000-02-02

Posts 2797
Limbo

4 posted 2001-10-27 12:23 PM

This is an amazing piece of writing, Carlos. I am honestly impressed by this poem. It comes across in so many different ways and it's dark on tons of levels.
There are too many favourite parts to pull out so I'll just stick with the whole piece.

Well done. I hope to see many more.

~AF~

Maybe I'm just a girl...interrupted.

K. Rebel
Junior Member

since 2001-10-21

Posts 40
San Juan, PR

5 posted 2001-10-27 12:49 PM

Thats pretty good Carlos but a little messed up man

cherish
Senior Member

since 2001-03-25

Posts 1639
swimming in fairy floss...........

6 posted 2001-10-27 11:29 AM

one word carlos:

awesome.

keep writing and experimenting with new styles, all the better for you, poet.

"......",said the wise mute.

quietlydying

Senior Member

since 2001-06-10

Posts 935
the wonderful land of oz

7 posted 2001-10-27 02:22 PM

agreeing with everyone else who's replied.

i'm in love with the first stanza.

love it.

- jen

so foul and fair a day i have not seen. - macbeth act 1, scene 3

~gretchenp34~
Junior Member

since 2001-10-08

Posts 46
Ohio, USA

8 posted 2001-10-28 01:04 PM

wow!!! im really impressed with the new style!!!! it has a backbone to it and a good meaning! keep writin more like that one.......u got my attention!

Love is like learning to play the piano. First you must learn to play by the rules, then you must forget the rules and play by your heart.

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