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rolly_polly
Junior Member

since 2001-10-10

Posts 41
puerto rico

0 posted 2001-10-23 05:43 PM

Ataxia

Peeking through the doorway of my heart
Confusion impregnates the mind
Piercing deep beyond the untrue
Truth sings its grainy song
It makes me wonder,
Where do I belong?

Thirst swallows my hungry days
Apathy takes over the soul
You sucked my life away
Darkness is all I’ve ever known

Famished eyes mutilate the warrior in me
Mortal existence slowly migrates aloft
Something in my bullet proof head is dead now
Extracting the life from my corpse

~This was written during Spanish class

~parallel universe~

Skyfire

Member Elite

since 2000-12-27

Posts 3381
Riding

1 posted 2001-10-23 05:48 PM

Well for something written in Spanish class, I'd say it's pretty well done! Keep it up!

It takes more work to love myself than to love others... I guess that explains it, eh?

Knight of Secrecy
Member

since 2001-10-12

Posts 113
San Juan, Puerto Rico

2 posted 2001-10-23 05:48 PM

Holy Smokes!, Mariola Great poem! I really like the last line
"Extracting the life from my corpse"
Keep up the Good work my friend

-CM.

K. Rebel
Junior Member

since 2001-10-21

Posts 40
San Juan, PR

3 posted 2001-10-23 08:51 PM

Hey Mariola great poem
"Famished eyes mutilate the warrior in me"

thats pretty good and deep girl,

D.B.

cherish
Senior Member

since 2001-03-25

Posts 1639
swimming in fairy floss...........

4 posted 2001-10-23 10:33 PM

Famished eyes mutilate the warrior in me
rola this is AWESOME!!!...dark dark dark dark awesome dark!...loved it to the great wall of china and back! ....funny things those spanish classes eh?....did i say that i loved this? keep writing, poet....

"......",said the wise mute.

xShUgArHiGhx

Member Elite

since 2000-09-26

Posts 3150
tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs

5 posted 2001-10-24 07:58 AM

Its amazing the kind of things that come outta class huh!?!? LoL...i really enjoyed this piece...you wrote it very well...good job!

ShE'S nOt ThE kInDa GiRL..WhO lIkeS tO tElL tHe WorLd AbOuT tHe Way She FEEL'S aBouT hErSelf...ShE tAkEs a LiTtLe TiMe In MakIn uP hEr MiNd..

rolly_polly
Junior Member

since 2001-10-10

Posts 41
puerto rico

6 posted 2001-10-25 04:47 PM

Hey thanx for the post you guys!

Lol and yep! those Spanish classes DO have something, it weird man.

~parallel universe~

Acies

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-06-07

Posts 7665
Twilight Zone

7 posted 2001-12-12 05:53 PM

Dark poem indeed
hmmmmm....things really couldn't be that bad can it?
I just hope the light finally shines on you

thanks for sharing

là où est mon amour?
donde está mi amour?
wo ist meine Liebe?
Nelly Furtado é a menina a mais bonita no mundo largo do todo.

deadeyes
Junior Member

since 2001-11-07

Posts 33

8 posted 2001-12-13 10:33 AM

O my ___ God this poem is wickedly good. Compared to becoming... Ataxia blows it away. Great poem you have a great talent in coming up with the right words. Indded a very superb piece. GOsh this is really really nice. A

anonymousfemale
Member Elite

since 2000-02-02

Posts 2797
Limbo

9 posted 2001-12-13 09:03 PM

Wowsers! This is one piece of exceptional writing. The imagery has totally blown me away. See, who needs to learn Spanish when you can write fantastic poetry?

Thanks for the read. Keep 'em coming.

~AF~

Caution: Filling is hot.

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