untitled as of yet...also needs an ending..

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stace_co2003
Member

since 2001-03-30

Posts 497
In a dream world

0 posted 2001-10-22 07:08 PM

When I look at you I see
Blonde hair, blue eyes
It's like a dream.

Aside from your looks
the thing I love
is the way you take me
to the clouds above

In my dreams you hold me close
in my mind we only fight
over who loves who most

I long to have a piece of you
To keep with me the whole day through
so I will always think of you
and smile despite being in school

I love the way you talk,
and even your need for reassurance
someday, with me you'll walk
this isn't really good either, it still needs and ending, and try as I might, I cant come up with one!! grrrrrrrrrrrrr

~*~I'm in love with a man named ZU~*~ *huggles Krissy*

Skyfire

Member Elite

since 2000-12-27

Posts 3381
Riding

1 posted 2001-10-22 07:24 PM

Hmm... I don't know what to do about the ending, but I do like what you have so far!

If you define cowardice as running away, tripping and screaming at the first sign of danger, then yes, Mister Brave Man, I guess I am a coward.

LoneWolf
Member

since 2001-03-10

Posts 384
IL

2 posted 2001-10-24 05:29 PM

just hold out an ending will come to you eventually. i think its great so far.

It's too bad I'm not as wonderful a person as people say I am, because the world could use a few people like that.
I've learned that even when you th

Alyssa

Member

since 2001-05-30

Posts 385
IM ENGAGED!!!!!

3 posted 2001-10-24 05:32 PM

hmmmmm
a good title would be
"the way i love you" or somethin
and i thought me and josh was th eonly people who fought over who loved who the most...lol
and he has blonde hair and blue eyes too

but about the ending...

maybe something about your future together or w/e...

"If I made you mad today, would you still love me tomorrow?"-Incubus

cherish
Senior Member

since 2001-03-25

Posts 1639
swimming in fairy floss...........

4 posted 2001-10-24 11:32 PM

cute stace...very highschool-ish..makes me want to go back. i dont know how to end it but youre going ok so far- give it a happy ending..

"......",said the wise mute.

xShUgArHiGhx

Member Elite

since 2000-09-26

Posts 3150
tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs

5 posted 2001-10-25 10:14 AM

Im not shur what to do about the ending either but who cares!?!?...its still a great poem!!

ShE'S nOt ThE kInDa GiRL..WhO lIkeS tO tElL tHe WorLd AbOuT tHe Way She FEEL'S aBouT hErSelf...ShE tAkEs a LiTtLe TiMe In MakIn uP hEr MiNd..

Missthang
Member

since 2001-07-03

Posts 103

6 posted 2001-10-25 04:08 PM

the poem's great, it expresses a lot of emotion. in response to your ending, i have a suggestion but i don't know how well you will like it.

i say you give your specail someone a nickname. not a name that's used over and over like "sweetie or my love" but pick an off the wall name such as "my perfect angel" or something along thoes lines. and you can end it with something like....

you are my perfect angel
and you've flown into my heart
now that's i've found you
we will never be apart.

(well that sucks but something like that) and you can also use "perfect angel" as the title. i dunno, it's just a suggestion. make sure you post the finished product. good luck

-ab

*The heart is a house for love*

stace_co2003
Member

since 2001-03-30

Posts 497
In a dream world

7 posted 2001-10-29 12:32 PM

thank you all for your wonderful replies

~*~I'm in love with a man named ZU~*~ *huggles Krissy*

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