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Teen Poetry #5
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My generation
| Teen Poetry #5 |
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My generation |
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Ree Ree Member
since 2001-06-28
Posts 56providence, RI |
Unwanted and mistaken, unloved and misplaced; my generation simply doesn't belong in this place Of hatred and of pain, of hurt and of sorrow; the ones that i hold dear to me dont' want to see tomorrow We were mistakes of children, we weren't brought up in love; now we are expected to be better than god above? We shouldn't have this burden, it's placed upon us wrongly, but we keep truggin thourhg this life and we do it strongly We have our friends and that is all, to help us live each day, if we ddint'have them all of our like would be gray We live for life because ti's here, not because we chose this way, we'll live it to the fullest and we'll live it for each day |
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| © Copyright 2001 maria - All Rights Reserved | |||
JBaker515
since 2001-02-28
Posts 458Dartmouth College |
Ree Ree, the poem was really good, i just think you should change the format, make it look something like this, its easier to read, and then the reader can pick up the rythme scheme more TRY THIS: Unwanted and mistaken, unloved and misplaced; my generation simply doesn't belong in this place Of hatred and of pain, of hurt and of sorrow; the ones that i hold dear to me dont' want to see tomorrow We were mistakes of children, we weren't brought up in love; now we are expected to be better than god above? We shouldn't have this burden, it's placed upon us wrongly, but we keep truggin thourhg this life and we do it strongly We have our friends and that is all, to help us live each day, if we ddint'have them all of our like would be gray We live for life because ti's here, not because we chose this way, we'll live it to the fullest and we'll live it for each day If you dont like it, you can leave it how it is. Just as suggestion, till next time JEff $ Jeff $ : ) "If I'm not back in 5 minutes......just wait longer!" "You may take our lives, but you'll never take our FREEDOM! [This message has been edited by JBaker515 (edited 07-03-2001).] |
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Ree Ree Member
since 2001-06-28
Posts 56providence, RI |
thanks for the idea, it is easier to read and such that way. Thanks for the input  |
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JBaker515
since 2001-02-28
Posts 458Dartmouth College |
so you see what i am trying to say? thats good, but you can do what you want Ree Ree..its ur work, not mine. Remember that. $ Jeff $ : ) |
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Spice Senior Member
since 2001-04-13
Posts 1266Resting in my cardboard box. |
I really liked the idea behind this Ree Ree. Nice read. Keep posting. |
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Brad Majors
since 2001-04-03
Posts 2647Georgia |
Its cool when poets work together. Good advice on this piece. SOmetimes we write and forget someone else has to read it. Great poem! |
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LoveBug
Moderator
Member Elite
since 2000-01-08
Posts 4697 |
"We live for life because it's here, not because we chose this way" Some very powerful words here, and a very accurate description of our generation. Jeff, great advice! Thanks for sharing.  "Men judge generally more by the eye than by the hand, for everyone can see and few can feel."-Machiavelli |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Great job on this one. Jeff did have some good input, I would have also suggested that. Well done on this one.  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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JBaker515
since 2001-02-28
Posts 458Dartmouth College |
or dont change the format...... |
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anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
powerful..*sighs*...i can relate...so much truth in this. [This message has been edited by anonymous albert ? (edited 07-04-2001).] |
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Kicking Kim Member
since 2001-04-16
Posts 426Cloud Cucko Land! |
Excellent poem! Keep writing. Interesting, intriguing and inspiring!!  ^*~Kicking Kim~*^ "Theres no posession, just obsession and growing depression" |
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Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
Nice work! I really liked the concept behind this poem. I liked Jeff's idea as well. It makes it much easier to read, and flows much better. Nice work. I hope to see more from you soon! --Marie You can’t expect the roses to grow without the weeds. |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
I was about to do exactly what Jeff has showed you. I agree with him, it makes it a lot more readable You do have interesting points and thoughts The poem besides the way it was types is excellent I would like to see more of your work in the future thanks for sharing hi Sweets, Lizzy, Kris, Ina, Erin, Erica, Minna, Kit, Kamie, Javi, Jenn, Sharon, Nan, Cawlee, Cherish, Ashley, Sara, Justine, Leah, Jess, Kimmie, Mare |
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Heavens Tears
since 2001-03-15
Posts 677 |
I agree with Jeff also. It would make it easier to read. It had a good point. Thanks for the read. *Amanda* |
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