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LucidityNow
Member

since 2001-02-06

Posts 118
Canada

0 posted 2001-10-11 04:08 AM

Enter
past rotting teeth
decaying marrow
suffocating afflictive nerves

Down
through vocal chords
echoing still
of peircing vile screams

Enter
into discolored lungs
filling to half capacity
with noxious blackened hate

Down
into an idle heart
choked in poisoned blood
lying in obstinacy

Enter
into the lucid astral self
a vast compendium of knowledge
with infinite contingencies

yet viewed as a nonenity
predestined to damnation by reality

and i'm certain that if i drive into those trees, it would make less of a mess, than she's made of me...

xShUgArHiGhx

Member Elite

since 2000-09-26

Posts 3150
tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs

1 posted 2001-10-11 01:39 PM

how morbid ! Nice poem...ur words were powerful

rolly_polly
Junior Member

since 2001-10-10

Posts 41
puerto rico

2 posted 2001-10-11 08:47 PM

Oh man i thought this was brilliant and very well executed

....keep up the good work!

~parallel universe~

chasing rain
Senior Member

since 2001-05-15

Posts 737
Canada

3 posted 2001-10-11 09:44 PM

Spoken with such power...incredible. I like the way you switch between "Enter" and "Down", but why "enter" and "down"? Curious me.

A lot of this sounded like the effects of smoking...perhaps I'm on the right track? Is there another road?
The mood that you created using words...that really shows. A strong piece! (rd. last line, very well done.)
I believe this is a first I've read of yours. Hopefully, it won't be the last.

++ Leah ++

Va pensiero sull' ali dorate...

Skyfire

Member Elite

since 2000-12-27

Posts 3381
Riding

4 posted 2001-10-11 10:46 PM

Ew! But great nonetheless!

If you define cowardice as running away and screaming at the first sign of danger, then yes, Mister Brave Man, I guess I am a coward.

Barelybreathing
Junior Member

since 2000-04-26

Posts 46

5 posted 2001-10-12 04:14 AM

your poetry is a huge relief from the other poems here..I luv ur style..strong words...totally loved it!

'The greatest thing in the world is to know how to be one's own.'
~Montaigne~

LucidityNow
Member

since 2001-02-06

Posts 118
Canada

6 posted 2001-10-12 01:59 PM

Thanks everyone, to answer your question Chasing Rain, I am using Enter and Down, because this poem is almost like a medatating process of getting to your inner self. If you go deep enough through all the faulty, physical parts of a persons body, you will come to an inner beauty, your astral self. Not sure if that makes sense or not

and i'm certain that if i drive into those trees, it would make less of a mess, than she's made of me...

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