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Teen Poetry #5
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Best is Yet to Come
| Teen Poetry #5 |
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Best is Yet to Come |
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WHiTePoNY Junior Member
since 2001-06-17
Posts 13South London. UK |
I GOTTA LEARN TO LIVE LIKE YOU WITHOUT YOU MY WORLD IS BLUE. I LOVE THE SMILE ON YOUR FACE IN MY BED WITH YOU IS MY FAVORITE PLACE. AROUND YOU MY NERVES ARE DESTROYED WHERE THERE WERE GAPS YOU FILL THE VOID. MY LOVE FOR YOU FILLS ME WETH JOY THAT NO-ONE WILL EVER DESTROY. WHEN I WAKE UP LONELY I JUST WISH YOU WERE HERE WITH ME. IM SCARED OF THE THINGS I SHOULD FEAR IM NOT AFRAID OF BEING HERE. TO ME GIRL YOUR THE PERFECT ONE AND I THINK THE BEST IS YET TO COME. "Push back the square Now that you need her but you don't So there you go! Cause back in school We are the leaders of it all" - DEFTONES [This message has been edited by WHiTePoNY (edited 07-03-2001).] |
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| © Copyright 2001 Daniel - All Rights Reserved | |||
JBaker515
since 2001-02-28
Posts 458Dartmouth College |
the poem was ok, but to be critical, it wasnt that enjoyable to read due to the way you used capitals and then lower cases, i dont think i did anything postive for the poem, i think you should just make it normal. Try it, see how it works..just an opnion. $ Jeff $ : ) |
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SEA 
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676with you |
I liked what you said, I personally have a hard time reading it all in Capital letters.....but I enjoyed it  |
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Spice Senior Member
since 2001-04-13
Posts 1266Resting in my cardboard box. |
I liked this Daniel- It was sweet. But ya, I agree with these guys- The caps take away from it. Great read though. Keep posting. |
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Heavens Tears
since 2001-03-15
Posts 677 |
I agree with all of the above. The caps did take away from it. It kinda messed up the mood of it or something. But great poem anyway! *Amanda* |
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Brad Majors
since 2001-04-03
Posts 2647Georgia |
I really like this piece but was overwhelmed by the caps. In net speak all caps is shouting and plus its very hard to read. Just an idea. Great job! |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Yea Brad is right.....I pictured you shouting this whole thing. Anyhow, I didn't like the style in this poem much, but it was a nice poem. Hope to see more.  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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Kicking Kim Member
since 2001-04-16
Posts 426Cloud Cucko Land! |
"You fill the void" I liked this line it shows the way that you hold this girl to your heart and explains how she fills the holes - as a metaphor - for your unhappiness, she fills this with happiness. Very great poem keep writing! ^*~Kicking Kim~*^ "Theres no posession, just obsession and growing depression" |
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thedarkangel Member
since 2001-05-12
Posts 74~*~the cutest~*~ |
thankyou baby. i'm glad u feel the same way as i do. this is a great poem (even though u should have been doin ur art!  ) and i'm so happy!love you forever laura -x- The road ahead is as long as you make it. Make it worth the trip ~*~jon bon jovi~*~ |
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anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
this was nice poem...great job on writing it...lot of emotions. im addicted to passions in poetry!...are you? |
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Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
Very nice work. I enjoyed this piece. I really liked the use of couplets throughout, although, like everyone said, I got the feel of shouting or yelling, which really took away from the message. I enjoyed this. I look forward to seeing more from you. Well done. --Marie You can’t expect the roses to grow without the weeds. |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
This is a really sweet poem. You did express yourself really well. Hope to see more. hi Sweets, Lizzy, Kris, Ina, Erin, Erica, Minna, Kit, Kamie, Javi, Jenn, Sharon, Nan, Cawlee, Cherish, Ashley, Sara, Justine, Leah, Jess, Kimmie, Mare |
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