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quietlydying

Senior Member

since 2001-06-10

Posts 935
the wonderful land of oz

0 posted 2001-10-08 01:50 AM

["Mother"]

My ego
is bruised
and callused
from the wear
and tear
of
Your tears
on my shoulder.

The mocking
undertone
of Your
‘sweet sweet’
cradlesong
lulls me
into
a restless,
hellish
slumber.

Since
when am
I Your pillow?

[[i die for critism]]

- jen

so foul and fair a day i have not seen. - macbeth act 1, scene 3

Android 17

Senior Member

since 2001-07-21

Posts 664
Winnipeg

1 posted 2001-10-08 02:21 AM

This is uh---new! And intreging...I've never seen anything like this!

Very good for this style!

If I've lost the girl of my dreams...who am I looking for now?

anonymousfemale
Member Elite

since 2000-02-02

Posts 2797
Limbo

2 posted 2001-10-08 12:55 PM

Jeez...hard hitting piece you've written here, Jen. I particulary like the ending. It really belts it home. Into the library.

Keep 'em coming and thanks for sharing.

~AF~

I look at myself in the mirror; am I vital today?
Nelly Furtado - Hey Man

Skyfire

Member Elite

since 2000-12-27

Posts 3381
Riding

3 posted 2001-10-08 11:37 PM

I don't know what to say, I need to think on this one *thinking* Ow!!! Okay, good piece, and very... what's the word... thought-provoking. Way to go!

If you define cowardice as running away and screaming at the first sign of danger, then yes, Mister Brave Man, I guess I am a coward.

pharon
Member

since 1999-11-13

Posts 251
alabama

4 posted 2001-10-09 02:33 AM

i like you style! again, good job!

me

Acies

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-06-07

Posts 7665
Twilight Zone

5 posted 2001-10-18 10:12 AM

this poem hits hard
Hope you and your mom are closer than what it seems
it's never bad to sometimes be there for her

keep sharing, awesome read

[This message has been edited by Anonymousfemale (edited 01-01-2000).]

xShUgArHiGhx

Member Elite

since 2000-09-26

Posts 3150
tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs

6 posted 2001-10-18 10:23 AM

Ur style is unique and orginal...there something that i love about it but i just cant seem to put my finger on it...reguardless of my confusion i love the poem..you write short and sweet poems...i like em a lot

ShE'S nOt ThE kInDa GiRL..WhO lIkeS tO tElL tHe WorLd AbOuT tHe Way She FEEL'S aBouT hErSelf...ShE tAkEs a LiTtLe TiMe In MakIn uP hEr MiNd..

Knight of Secrecy
Member

since 2001-10-12

Posts 113
San Juan, Puerto Rico

7 posted 2001-10-18 01:31 PM

Very good poem

"The mocking
undertone
of Your
‘sweet sweet’
cradlesong
lulls me
into
a restless,
hellish
slumber."

These are incredible lines

-CM.

[This message has been edited by Knight of Secrecy (edited 10-18-2001).]

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

8 posted 2001-10-18 06:14 PM

Nicely done here. There was so much power in this one. I truly loved the poem. Wow, you explained it so well. Very nicely done.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

Somewhere out there a cow is laughing at you

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