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Teen Poetry #5
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The World to Me
| Teen Poetry #5 |
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The World to Me |
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Ender Member
since 1999-12-08
Posts 200Yuma, AZ USA 
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We are still together Bound by heart Distance will not keep us apart My love for you is vast Indescribable, always great To prove to you my love I would do anything To have you love me, I would do more Without you, I am lost Up the creek With no paddle or boat So here I say to you You mean the world to me And I never want to lose you If I could be anything in the world, I would want to be your tear. I would be born in your eyes, live on your cheek, and die on your lips. -Ender [This message has been edited by Ender (edited 10-02-2001).] |
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| © Copyright 2001 Richard Melick - All Rights Reserved | |||
Jenn Cirrincione
since 2000-07-02
Posts 2107Fl |
Awwwwww  man.... all these poems are making me cry recently.  But that is ok, cause it is well written.As far as critiques.."loose" should be "lose" but that's all I saw! Nice work, and stay strong...k? Keep it up!Jenn "You've got to get yourself together, you got stuck in a moment, and you can't get out of it." |
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Ender Member
since 1999-12-08
Posts 200Yuma, AZ USA |
Thanks for the reply...this poem means alot to me because it expresses how i feel towards the love of my life.  If I could be anything in the world, I would want to be your tear. I would be born in your eyes, live on your cheek, and die on your lips. -Ender |
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xShUgArHiGhx
since 2000-09-26
Posts 3150tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs |
Aww this is such a sweet poem!!! awwwwwwwwwwwww i liked it a lot Good job hun! |
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DragonFang Senior Member
since 2000-03-09
Posts 522Missouri, USA |
Indeed, a very sweet poem. Reminds me exactly how I feel about my girlfriend. I enjoyed it, well written "Sa souvraya niende missian ye." \ |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
Such romanticism in words *applauds* keep it up hi Sweets  , Lizzy  , Jesa  , Ina  , Allysa  , Marie  , Cherish  , Jenn  , Chelsea  , Leah  , Kimmie  , Ashley  , Smurfy  , Alexia  , Kamie  , Kari  , Nan  , Sea  , Zu  , Lml  , Albertia  , Linc  , Jesse  , |
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fractal007 Senior Member
since 2000-06-01
Posts 1958 |
Good work here. I think that perhaps more description and rhyme would have helped. Also, perhaps elaborating more on being up the creek without a paddle would have helped. Simply stating it along with a few other details still gives it a sound of cliche. On the whole, however, this poem was well-written. "If history is to change, let it change. If the world is to be destroyed, so be it. If my fate is to die, I must simply laugh" |
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Skyfire
since 2000-12-27
Posts 3381Riding |
*awed in the presence of an awesome poem* Great, romantic write! If you define cowardice as running away, tripping and screaming at the first sign of danger, then yes, Mister Brave Man, I guess I am a coward. |
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