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Teen Poetry #5
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Wallflower
New Member
since 2002-05-20
Posts 3
VA/US

0 posted 2002-05-20 11:18 PM


Trying to love myself is like trying to

love a black

       h le


Every bit of raw energy put into confidence is


f
   i
z
   z
l
e
   d

away,

with just one suck of a mighty vacuum.

I b e g i n  to think good thoughts,

they
slowly
creep
in

and all of a sudden

jump out,


Maybe it’s just a sugar high?

They don’t last long

short
lovely
over

Stupid black h le

[This message has been edited by Wallflower (05-20-2002 11:20 PM).]

© Copyright 2002 Brandi - All Rights Reserved
knightlyshadows
Senior Member
since 2001-04-14
Posts 791
obscured vision
1 posted 2002-05-22 03:13 AM


welcome to PIP brandi. very interesting and creative format. and I love your critique message. I think you wrote this well and love the idea behind it. Nice write.
~tiff

“A single choice can build destinies,or destroy them.”

I know Im not perfect but I can smile
& I hope that you c this heart behind my tired eyes

Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296
Purgatorial Incarceration
2 posted 2002-05-22 06:41 AM


welcome! i liked this too - leaving out the "o" was inspired!

Christopher

kaile
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Ascendant
since 2000-02-06
Posts 5146
singapore
3 posted 2002-05-22 08:02 AM


hmmmm..i like e.e. cummings and i certainly appreciate this...though i get to play the dumb one here , why was the "o" left out? to be honest, i wouldn't have caught on to that if Chris hasn't pointed that out...

welcome to passions, i hope you'll stay a while and have lots and lots of fun...

p/s: check your email for a special greeting!

Severn
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704

4 posted 2002-05-22 08:13 AM


this is cool...very innovative - nice use of spaciality through this piece...

thanks to C for pointing it out to me..

K

devil_tongue
Member
since 2000-03-02
Posts 50

5 posted 2002-05-22 10:29 AM


This reminds me quite a bit of another members style of writing here. Nonetheless, welcome to the blue pages of PIP. You've written an interesting first post with a refreshing format which is always welcome. The content itself is deep enough to provoke images of a subtle nature. Well done.


bsquirrel
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855

6 posted 2002-05-22 02:36 PM


Welcome! At first I thought it was "Stupid black hello" and I thought -- how awesome that a hello can be black. Then I realized y' meant hole.

So ... uh .... enjoyed th' poem. Nice searching yr doin' here.

She said burn ... together.
-TON

Angel
Senior Member
since 1999-07-02
Posts 551
Pennsylvania
7 posted 2002-05-22 10:10 PM


See Brandi, I told you this place was awesome .

As far as the piece goes, like I said the first time I saw it, it's awesome because it has so much of your distinct style in it.

Great Job.

xShUgArHiGhx
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2000-09-26
Posts 3150
tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs
8 posted 2002-05-23 10:06 AM


WELCOME TO PASSIONS!!!

First of all this piece rocked...it was absolutely amazing!!!! In all honesty i started reading this poem without taking any notice to who the member was and throught the poem i had no doubt in my mind it was one of our long existing member's poems..but i, to my suprise, find out its really a newbies poem!! I was blown away You definately can count me in as one of your fans Cant wait to read more!! Fantastic job!!

iTs bEeN 1 Of ThOsE dAyZ 4 2 MaNY dAyZ nOw..I jUst NeEd a DaY whErE tHe WOrLd cAn tAkE cArE of ItsElf..

Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
9 posted 2002-05-23 03:28 PM



I had to look at the title twice, and then "duh" it hit me, so I enjoyed the fact that I knew where you were going with the title before I read the poem, which impressed me by the formatting...you took an idea and gave it a frame...well done!

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