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Teen Poetry #5

Richelle

laconic
Member

since 2002-02-17

Posts 64
Melbourne, Australia

0 posted 2002-05-20 11:03 AM

a smile tinges my face
i feel warm again
its been so long since it was genuine
i suddenly feel the adrenaline
like the days of old, bold youth
my heart is rekindled
and in the sunlight of my inner self
i seem bulletproof
thoughts rushing past my mind
at a thousand paces per second
who would have known i'd feel this way
a temporary heaven.

Angel
Senior Member

since 1999-07-02

Posts 551
Pennsylvania

1 posted 2002-05-20 10:12 PM

I think this piece could use capitalization adn punctuation. The only end punctuation you used was in the last line which doesn't work for me, personally. Otherwise, there were some really great sentiments in this piece which I enjoyed. Great Job.

~Susie

xShUgArHiGhx

Member Elite

since 2000-09-26

Posts 3150
tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs

2 posted 2002-05-23 10:11 AM

I thought it was a very sweet poem and expressed the beginning feelings of love very well. Nicely done and thanks for sharing!!!

iTs bEeN 1 Of ThOsE dAyZ 4 2 MaNY dAyZ nOw..I jUst NeEd a DaY whErE tHe WOrLd cAn tAkE cArE of ItsElf..

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

3 posted 2002-06-06 03:13 AM

Awesome, truly!
I really liked this one. I liked the style. Hope to see more.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

Somewhere out there a cow is laughing at you

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