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Teen Poetry #5
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I Cry (Please Read)
| Teen Poetry #5 |
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I Cry (Please Read) |
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Secsyy lil angel Junior Member
since 2000-05-30
Posts 36Portland Oregon, USA |
I cry A tear slowly runs down my cheek I brush it away quickly so no one can see Or atleast, I thought no one could People begin to approach me And they ask me.... "Why do you cry?" There are so many different reasons I don't know where to start I try and explain "I cry for lovers lost For friendships forgotten For my mother And my long lost father I cry for not only my heart But every broken heart For all those who cannot cry For everyone who is lost And doesnt know how to be found I cry for those who are hurt For everyone in pain For the world as we know it For people who wont change" All I get is a blank stare "You don't understand me," I speak to them quietly "I cry for you....." ~*Love exists only in the hearts of those who choose to acknowledge its existence...*~ *~To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world.~* |
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| © Copyright 2001 Kia - All Rights Reserved | |||
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the_rescue Member
since 2001-05-23
Posts 316Japan |
awwww that rocked I liked the ending really good stuff and so true. hope to see more The Rescue I'm not asking U 2 luv me I'm just letting out the truth no hold barred about what I feel nothing wrong with what I say |
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DarkAngelOfTheStars Member
since 2001-04-21
Posts 255 |
i really liked this esp For everyone who is lost And doesnt know how to be found cuz thats how i feel.....nice poem hope to see more  story of my life: I am so self destructive, I turn solutions into problems. Everything i thouch i ruin. Im midas in reverse |
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keoni Senior Member
since 2000-10-16
Posts 850Up in the mountains in the NFC |
This one was really good. Very nice poem. The ending was awesome! Jon "Your anger is a gift"-Rage Against The Machine |
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Linc
since 2001-03-07
Posts 552The Backstreet Boy |
Hey, This is a really good poem, superb even. I think it's so good I will put it in my library. But one little bit of advice, a wize man once told me that if you put "please read" or something of that sort that some tend not to read it because its almost like saying that you poetry is more important than everyone elses. Just my 7 cents, until your next work -- Linc "Blood Moon" |
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Heavens Tears
since 2001-03-15
Posts 677 |
I enjoyed this, especially the ending. And just a piece of info. There is really no need to include please read in the title. Most people will read them even if you dont include that. As you can see, most poems get several replies. Great poem though! *Amanda* |
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AngelPoet87 Member
since 2001-04-21
Posts 280Indy |
really sweet. love the ending! |
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Isabel Galaxia Senior Member
since 2000-06-18
Posts 733 |
Wow that was great! Good job |
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zarina Member
since 2001-05-19
Posts 180 |
really good |
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CwboyAtHeart Senior Member
since 2001-04-14
Posts 541Selah, WA, USA |
That was really good. Great way to end the poem, too. - Cody - |
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Pixie-Babe03 Member
since 2000-08-29
Posts 387Central Maine |
Great poem!!! i liked the ending, very well written *Pixie*  -=Love starts with a SMILE, grows with a KISS, and ends with a TEAR=- |
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anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
this hit home for me!...this is how i view myself and this world...wow..i loved this poem...and you wrote it soo wonderfully ...enjoyed greatly..and the ending..awesome ...hope to see more...bye  im addicted to passions in poetry!...are you? |
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Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
This is a VERY good poem! Definitely a library piece... Everything about this is good... the way you addressed so many problems in one answer.. wow. I'm impressed! Nice work! --Marie You can’t expect the roses to grow without the weeds. |
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Skyfire
since 2000-12-27
Posts 3381Riding |
Oh wow. I'm speechless. That is so excellent! Very, very powerful. Excellent write! Rhonda  "Amy, can you PLEASE come to Spain with us so that we have someone to keep Rhonda calm?" - Mr. Ardiel *insert hysterical laughter from me here* |
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fearing-laughter Senior Member
since 2001-04-24
Posts 605land of cheese (Wisconsin) |
this was really cool! i luv the ending, great job. -fear- emotions are like evil serpents that coil around your mind---me "i cannot save you, i can't even save myself"--stabbing westward |
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knightlyshadows Senior Member
since 2001-04-14
Posts 791obscured vision |
this it home with me too. it goes in my library for that. thanks for the read. tiff  “A single choice can build destinies,or destroy them.” |
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Elvenblood Member
since 2001-02-17
Posts 409Maine, USA |
OMG! What a wonderful WONDERFUL expression! OMG! lol this is definetly going into my library! The idea of it, and just...I don't know, it hit me hard, and thank you for posting it because it defines a part of me better than I ever could, even in poetry. No angels in heaven nor demons below the sea, could ever dissever my soul from the soul of the beautiful Annabel Lee |
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branden726
since 2000-09-25
Posts 607Bay City, MI |
WOW IVE NEVER READ ANYTHING LIKE THIS, I Think i will print this one up and hang it on the wall wow great! |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
I liekd this one a lot. Well done here. The ending was powerful.  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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holatuwol Member
since 2001-04-27
Posts 72California, USA |
Maybe it's just me, but the "Please Read" in parens in the subject line totally ruined the poem for me... I didn't have the heart to enjoy it as many other people did, and hence I will come off as slightly more critical than I probably would have otherwise. ^_^ It was a good poem, but to me, it lacks a certain level of maturity... This actually read better as prose than it did as verse for me... the line breaks seemed really unnatural. ^^; I paused at each line break and it just seemed as though the line breaks didn't aid the flow all that much... it seemed as though it broke more naturally where there were no line breaks, if that even makes any sense... ^^; Maybe it was just me... but I thought this poem seriously lacked real flow. The simulated flow based on the prose-nature of the poem seemed to compensate a little bit, giving the poem a really interesting echo that probably is what is admired so much by everyone that has commented on it thus far. ^_^ I have to say that the simulation is far beyond anything that most people could manage... and I applaud you for it... as prose, this easily beats anything I could write. The message is relatively sweet and touching to a point... it's altruistic in a way, but it's altruism in a relatively raw sense, without any real refinement. ^^; Sort of like a person who's new to the idea of altruism and wants to try it out to see what it feels like, rather than someone who is really altruistic by nature. "I cry for you..." The question I asked immediately was, "Do you really?" rather than something less critical than that. The ending, though powerful in its own right, gives the poem a very immature feeling, rather than one of innocence and real altruism... it seems as though the emotion which drives this poem really needs to be refined a bit, which would most certainly produce a masterpiece. In its current state, however, it's just... something slightly less than that. You certainly seem to be capable of more than this work has shown. I did enjoy this piece, though, in case the critique seemed to say otherwise. ^^ Perhaps I'm just being slightly critical when I need not be... but, please keep in mind that I really did enjoy the work. ^_^ I look forward to your future works, and hope you'll post again. Until next time... - holatuwol |
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Secsyy lil angel Junior Member
since 2000-05-30
Posts 36Portland Oregon, USA |
I thank you all for your replys, i will keep in mind to keep "please read" out of my next posts. Im not sure how i got the idea for that poem, or the flow, it just sort of came to me. I wasnt trying to write a piece of art, infact, i came up with it in about 15 min, so if it seemed a little unrevised, that is probably why. I am glad it hit home w/ so many of you, thank you again. ~*Kia*~ ~*Love exists only in the hearts of those who choose to acknowledge its existence...*~ *~To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world.~* |
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DancinQueen
since 2000-07-29
Posts 1092Kokomo,IN,USA |
i liked this~sometimes you just cry for everything and everyone. keep it up, great job *dq **You can't always trust the people you want to** |
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Dana Samples Member
since 2001-04-07
Posts 68 |
so...so...BEAUTIFUL!!! oh i love the way you put it together and your message. i truely adore it!! love- dana |
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TunaKaHuna Junior Member
since 2001-06-28
Posts 19United States |
This poem is very touching to anyone's heart who has the passion for life that you seem to have. The way that you may have structured the poem other people may criticize it on, but its the words and the attitude of you as the writer I paid more attention to. You really touched people with this poem, but for the people that ask me to speak for myself...It was GREAT, very true to life. Keep it up. --Brenton |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
This is a really beautiful poem. It actually hit me straight in the heart. We have similarities with the reasons why we cry. Hope you start feeling better. ~*hugs*~ hi Sweets, Lizzy, Kris, Ina, Erin, Erica, Minna, Kit, Kamie, Javi, Jenn, Sharon, Nan, Cawlee, Cherish, Ashley, Sara, Justine, Leah, Jess, Kimmie, Mare |
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Empty tears Member
since 2001-03-12
Posts 64 |
This was absolutely beautiful. Im sure most people can relate. I know i can. Great poem! Death is but an escape from loneliness |
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Jenn Cirrincione
since 2000-07-02
Posts 2107Fl |
I really liked this. I think you wrote it very well. Keep writing!! Jenn "Baby I've been drifting away, dreaming all day, of holding you, touching you, the only thing that I wanna do is be with you..."Faith Hill |
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