Teen Poetry #5 |
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Chasing Away the Shadows |
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Heavens Tears![]() ![]() ![]()
since 2001-03-15
Posts 677![]() |
This isnt my best work, I know, but I figured I would share it with you guys anyway. I still have writers block I'm trying to write through it. I'm chasing away the shadows Running away with the rain Holding onto tomorrow Trying hard not to go insane I'm holding onto tomorrow Wishing my every dream to come true Trying to catch a cloud in a box Attempting to get over you I'm trying to catch a cloud in a box Trying to live my impossible dream But the word impossible gets in my way And my dream fades away, it may seem To get away from my life I am running away with the rain And I hope that when I get where I'm going I will cease to feel this pain *~*Amanda*~* I need more time to find the real me... to fly like the birds... to be set free. Why couldn't I stop until I had died? It was hate for myself hidden inside. [This message has been edited by Heavens Tears (edited 06-25-2001).] |
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© Copyright 2001 Heavens Tears - All Rights Reserved | |||
Spice Senior Member
since 2001-04-13
Posts 1266Resting in my cardboard box. |
Hey Amanda. Great write here. I enjoyed it. I hope all gets better. Keep posting. ![]() ~Jessica. |
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Fading Away![]() ![]() ![]()
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
This is a pretty good piece, Amanda. Not bad at all considering you have writer's block. The rhyme scheme was overall good. There were a few places where the flow was interrupted, or a little choppy, I would say that would mostly be because of the syllable count, but I'll leave it up to Allan to show me wrong ![]() Well done. --Marie "Well the sun is slowly sinking down, but the moon is slowly rising. So this old world must still be spinning 'round. And I still love you." –James T |
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Allan Riverwood![]() ![]()
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
Marie took the words out of my mouth. Gotta love her. ![]() |
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Skyfire![]() ![]() ![]() ![]()
since 2000-12-27
Posts 3381Riding |
And you have writer's block? That ain't writer's block, that's writer's inconvenience! Very well done! Rhonda ![]() "Amy, can you PLEASE come to Spain with us so that we have someone to keep Rhonda calm?" - Mr. Ardeil *insert hysterical laughter from me here* |
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anonymous albert ?![]()
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
wow!...i really liked this poem...some things i can relate to...and youw rote it well ![]() ![]() im addicted to passions in poetry!...are you? |
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Acies![]()
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
This was pretty good. I enjoyed and appreciate the read thanks for sharing well done hi Sweets, Kris, Lizzy, Ina, Erin, Erica, Minna, Kit, Kamie, Javi, Jenn, Sharon, Nan, Cawlee, Cherish, Ashley, Sara, Justine, Leah, Jess, Kimmie, Mare |
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Linc![]() ![]() ![]()
since 2001-03-07
Posts 552The Backstreet Boy |
Hey, I liked it ![]() ![]() -- Linc "Blood Moon" |
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Marshalzu![]() ![]() ![]() ![]()
since 2001-02-15
Posts 2681Lurking |
Great work I really enjoyed the read ![]() Andrew |
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chasing rain Senior Member
since 2001-05-15
Posts 737Canada |
This is a beautiful write, for someone with writer's block! Lovely imagery. There were some parts where the flow didn't work out for me (first stanza, last line) but that was pretty much it. I'm just being picky. ![]() Anyways, I hope you get over your writer's block soon! ![]() -Leah Va pensiero sull' ali dorate... |
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SEA![]() ![]()
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676with you |
for having writer's block, you do fine! ![]() |
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obscurity of cloud Member
since 2001-05-11
Posts 294....:::::******:::::.... |
ok you're about to hear from Ms AntiRhyme (well, for this month)...i would just forget the rhyme scheme altogether and re-piece the lines together to make sense b/c you have a really great tone here, and so many of the lines are really brilliant. Good work! "so when at times the mob is swayed to carry praise or blame too far, we may choose something like a star" --Frost |
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fearing-laughter Senior Member
since 2001-04-24
Posts 605land of cheese (Wisconsin) |
i am feeling the exact same way right now...we'll both feel okay. (Lol now watch u pry aren't expeirencing this right now) oh well. i really liked this...writers block sometimes produces good stuff. keep postin. -lady fear- "I know the pieces fit cause i watched them fall away"--TooL |
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Heavens Tears![]() ![]() ![]()
since 2001-03-15
Posts 677 |
This poem actually was little peices that I just kinda somehow or another put together. I do that w/ a lot of my poetry. I keep a little notebook full ideas that I have put together over a few months. It helps. *~*Amanda*~* I need more time to find the real me... to fly like the birds... to be set free. Why couldn't I stop until I had died? It was hate for myslef hidden inside. [This message has been edited by Heavens Tears (edited 06-25-2001).] |
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stace_co2003 Member
since 2001-03-30
Posts 497In a dream world |
this is great! and I have no reason to tear it apart!! it's good!! I don't have an attitude problem You have a perception problem. |
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Dopey Dope![]()
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
I liked this one although the flow was off in certain parts of the poem. Anyhow, still a good job. ![]() I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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anonymousfemale Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797Limbo |
Ooo now this I like. Your flow was fairly well thought out but the overall message was excellent. There are some great lines in this. In particular the second and third stanzas. Your title really caught me as well. Well done. ![]() ~AF~ Just because I hear voices doesn't mean I'm crazy...SHUT UP IN THERE!!! |
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xShUgArHiGhx![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]()
since 2000-09-26
Posts 3150tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs |
I liked the format of this poem a lot, it was very unique how you took the third line of each stanza and began the next stanza with it. This was a really good poem overall..great job here hun! |
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DancinQueen![]()
since 2000-07-29
Posts 1092Kokomo,IN,USA |
wow i REALLY REALLY liked the format of this. blew me away, i liked the content to. this was awesome, definetly into my library. wow i really liked it and i dont even know what to say~im speechless and thats pretty hard to catch me w/o anything to say lol so woo yeah neways great job..keep posting! *dq **You can't always trust the people you want to** |
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