Do as you please....strike forth down upon your knees...Darkness Falls on Those Without Souls

"Kelly's my Hero!" "No, Kelly's your heroine." "Kelly has heroin??" "What?"

Fishing for compliments I see, Good boy!   HaHa
I'm with Keoni on this one...LOVEd how you played off each word from one line to another, and considering this was your first attempt on a piece/style like this- It was done damn well.
Something that MIGHT need fixed:
"A craving all to old   <--- to old =too old.
To old is the quest we're on " <--- To old= Too old.
Or perhaps I'm reading it completely wrong and you are like HEADING towards or on a journey to BEING old... And not actually being TOO old, or More old...whatever. Who knows. But it changes the meaning most definetly so clear me up on that.

But anyway, Like I said- Kick arse poem. *Tension rises* Oh! That means I need another one very soon! haha Perhaps you'll be so kind as to ease the tension and do that for me? hehe.
Thanks for the read, much enjoyed! Keep experimenting with new styles as well, it's always interesting to me.

You wouldn't worry about what people thought about you if you knew how seldom they did.