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Teen Poetry #5
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That Day on The Playground
| Teen Poetry #5 |
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That Day on The Playground |
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Kosetsu Member
since 2001-03-10
Posts 450Alabama, USA |
Since I’ve felt this way, I don’t know where I’d be If you hadn’t come out to play. I saw you standing there, Swinging all alone, So I walked over, offered to push, Who knew the threads of love that offer’d sewn? You told me to push higher, So I let you fly, You giggled once, then flashed a grin, So I let you soar sky high. That day on the playground, I’ll never forget, I’ve loved you forever, But that’s the day we met. --------------------- Inspired by a dream. -Adam Of all the things that I confess, |
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| © Copyright 2001 Adam Kamerer - All Rights Reserved | |||
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HopelessRomanticGuy Member
since 2001-08-17
Posts 495LI, New York |
Isn't love at first sight wonderful? That must have been some dream if it inspired you to write! I love this poem. It's simple, but making it more complex would have muted the emotion some. It's really good! Love will come and love will go, but friends are forever (usually). [This message has been edited by HopelessRomanticGuy (edited 09-06-2001).] |
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cherish Senior Member
since 2001-03-25
Posts 1639swimming in fairy floss........... |
awwwwwwwwwwwwww this is so cute!!! i loved this heaps adam. it brought a nice smile to my face. well done on this one! S |
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anonymousfemale Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797Limbo |
Very sweet. I like the way you brought a child like essence into this piece with the addition of a swing. It's like you brought love back to a fun stage, or being young, instead of having it all mature and sitting around a cafe somewhere sipping a latte. Meh, I can't explain it but it sounds good in my head.  Good work.  ~AF~ "Kelly's my Hero!" "No, Kelly's your heroine." "Kelly has heroin??" "What?" |
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Ina Senior Member
since 2000-10-09
Posts 1236Quebec, Canada |
This was amazing, you are become a very impressive writer Adam. Never stop writing. The poem itself was well written. A little push from a person on a swing can change a person's world. good work!!! Regina |
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Kosetsu Member
since 2001-03-10
Posts 450Alabama, USA |
Glad you people like it...I'm not really all that pleased though...I think I'm poetically constipated at the moment... >_< -Adam |
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MindlessPoet Member
since 2001-04-20
Posts 106Texas |
poetically constipated.. nice phrase.. lol. Anyway, I liked the idea of the poem.. it was so .. sweet's not quite the right word. hmm. oh well. *TiMMYBoY* |
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anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
aWwww sO sweet...HaHa...what a beautiful filled emotion poem?...anyway! brought me a if i die before i wake...i pray the Lord my soul to take - when thugs cry- |
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Spice Senior Member
since 2001-04-13
Posts 1266Resting in my cardboard box. |
"You told me to push higher, So I let you fly, You giggled once, then flashed a grin, So I let you soar sky high." SOoOoooo sweet! Need I do it? Yes! I must! "Awwwww" HeHeHehe Really though, very sweet indeed. I enjoyed it bunches. You wouldn't worry about what people thought about you if you knew how seldom they did. |
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fractal007 Senior Member
since 2000-06-01
Posts 1958 |
You've done a very good job on your rhyming here. I especially liked the last stanza. It sums up the poem quite well. Perhaps you should try something with a consistent syllable count. "If history is to change, let it change. If the world is to be destroyed, so be it. If my fate is to die, I must simply laugh" |
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