Teen Poetry #5 |
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Dreamscape #1: Unobtainable Sky |
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chasing rain Senior Member
since 2001-05-15
Posts 737Canada |
Unobtainable Sky One sky A vault of heaven. Wild wonder, Flourishing tints and shades Of blue: A melody of paragon. Empyrean Revolving endlessly And dreaming Of rain that echos upon A windowpane, And of clouds that pass away To reveal all that once was hidden. Mirth and sorrow Of the sapphire existence Mirrored upon the waters of the world. Binded by silver thread, Soft, yet evermore untouched For a hand that reaches Passes through... The mind. ===== Just a few thoughts about the sky... ![]() °L.§.W.° Va pensiero sull' ali dorate... [This message has been edited by chasing rain (edited 08-31-2001).] |
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© Copyright 2001 chasing rain - All Rights Reserved | |||
cherish Senior Member
since 2001-03-25
Posts 1639swimming in fairy floss........... |
nicely done here again leah. i enjoyed it lots! ![]() ![]() ![]() ............Daffodils |
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Android 17![]() ![]()
since 2001-07-21
Posts 664Winnipeg |
You know what Leah? I'm sick of this...YOU'VE DONE IT AGAIN! How come you can write such wicked poetry and I can't? Oh... Anyway, great good! [This message has been edited by Android 17 (edited 08-30-2001).] |
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anonymousfemale Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797Limbo |
Your critique message is very negative. ![]() Now you're doing another series which is simply wonderful! Some of the lines in this piece are breathtaking and spark some interesting images. Some of the lines I really loved in this are as follows: "A vault of heaven." "And of clouds that pass away To reveal all that once was hidden." "Mirrored upon the waters of the world. Binded by silver thread," Those took me to a world I can only visit with large quantities of alcohol! They are simple lines but with a ton of expression if that made any sense at all. ![]() Is this down to the fake muse too or is this all Leah? ![]() Thanks for the read. I really did like it even if I can't explain on this one for you why. ![]() ~AF~ I'm a little teapot, short and stout! Here is my handle, here is my spout. *toot toot* |
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fozzyozzy Member
since 2001-03-15
Posts 336Lessburg Virginia |
Looks like you got "it" back. Great post. I'm sorry if my post is a wee bit small, but I'm at a loss for words. "and Death i think is no paranthesis"-e.e. cummings |
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Dopey Dope![]()
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Great job on the poem! I really liked this one Leah! ![]() I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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Allan Riverwood![]() ![]()
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
Wonderful work, Leah. This has to be one of my favourites. Your talent lies in a smooth, fluid writing style that results in something reminiscent of a painting, complete with evident brush strokes. I draw from this poem a very liquid feel, something very satisfying to feel... with each poem I read of yours, Leah, I can further appreciate your username. ![]() Yours, ~Allan People call me a madman, but I'm not mad at anyone. |
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anonymous albert ?![]()
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
Leah ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() if i die before i wake...i pray the Lord my soul to take - when thugs cry- |
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