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| Open Poetry #14 |
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Lost |
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deepblue Junior Member
since 2001-05-31
Posts 17 |
Did she ever love him or he her? How alone she must have been among the giggling courtiers gleeful prisoners in their whalebone cells. She must have been dying slowly, even before the consumption came. How often did she stare across the ocean longing for her lost world, And her kin so far away were they by now longing for the same? [This message has been edited by deepblue (edited 06-03-2001).] |
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| © Copyright 2001 deepblue - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Logan Senior Member
since 2001-05-28
Posts 1641Arkansas |
A tale of sadness, so very well said..Welcome to the forum, deepblue, hon, I know you will enjoy...gentle smile |
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Poeminister Senior Member
since 2000-02-26
Posts 1862Regina SK; Canada |
Welcome! Nicely woven piece... Look forward to reading more from you. Poeminister "At the touch of love, everyone becomes a poet." -Plato |
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Temptress
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-06-15
Posts 7136Mobile, AL |
Deep!  It certainly is nice to see you this side of the net. I do hope you enjoy it here. There are some wonderful people and some wonderful poetry here. Check out all parts! I think you will love it. Long time, no chat, old friend. This is a wonderful expression of sadness here. Enjoyed. [This message has been edited by Temptress (edited 06-03-2001).] |
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Mysteria 
since 2001-03-07
Posts 18328British Columbia, Canada |
Welcome to Pipps Deep, nice entrance! Very sad poem but well done. ~*~ Remember to tell someone today that you love them ~*~ |
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Mr»ÄlleÿÇät Member
since 2001-06-02
Posts 190 |
Hi, I'm new to , very sad and lovely story, begging for more development. I think you could go somewhere with this one Thank you |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
the imagery in this is very unique ... and the emotions are written with a melancholy dark depth... sadly beautiful Welcome to Poetry Land deepblue I look forward to more of your work I'm not right ... you're not wrong ... |
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Kit McCallum
Administrator
Member Laureate
since 2000-04-30
Posts 14774Ontario, Canada |
Welcome to Passions deepblue! This is a lovely and tender first post, I hope to read more! Best wishes, /Kit |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
Yes, welcome to poetry land... I like this..I really like it... You say critique away and I can't resist an invitation.. Small typo in 'accross' and you have Before capitalised - was that intentional? I wonder...do you need every line capitalised? This is true free verse..lacking distinct form - I think without capitals (except after the lines which end in periods) the poem would read easier... Once again...welcome! Love the poem...  KIt is to do with tree-ferns: |
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A Whisper's Caress Senior Member
since 2000-11-03
Posts 791on the horizon of a fairytale |
no critique necessary, this is beautifully written. beautifully sad.... May your dreams always dance to the rhythm of a lover's heartbeat... |
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deepblue Junior Member
since 2001-05-31
Posts 17 |
Thanks y'all for the read, and Severn for the critique. After looking at the poem a couple minutes (and correcting the typos) i decided you were right on the capitalization thanks this woman's story is an old one, probably most americans have heard it in one form or another, although perhaps not so much about this part of her life. |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
Hey there db...that looks great! Really wonderful...it flows very well now... You know something? We both missed something else the first time round... 'gleefull' is actually gleeful...lol...spelling mistakes...give me nightmares you know...something I am excessively paranoid over heh.. K |
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Irish Rose Member Patricius
since 2000-04-06
Posts 10263 |
This is excellent verse! Welcome to Passions. Kathleen Blake |
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vandana
since 1999-10-22
Posts 10463USA |
enjoy welcome to passions |
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Interloper
since 2000-11-06
Posts 8369Deep in the heart |
gleefull prisoners in their whalebone cells. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Welcome to Passions! Craftily done. Fool, said my Muse to me, look in thy heart and write. Philip Sidney (1554-1586) Loving in Truth |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Welcome to Passions, deepblue! Please check your e-mail for a special message! |
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