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Open Poetry #14
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serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738


0 posted 2001-06-02 06:17 AM


let us now speak
intellectually
highlight darkness
from the deep
take a slave
to master's keep
and allow me to surrend.


Take my will--
God's perfect gift
Hell-fired chilled
in ashen sift
backward river
running swift--
miles of Nile, ASCEND.


LISTEN---to a current's flow,
rush of waves and current's foam...
LISTEN---water's crash on rock
rapid life without a dock
fighting waves with paddle's push
a waterfall awaits in crush
foaming waters fill my boat
frothing hands about my throat
adrenals beating in my mind
of all that I have left behind--
my only wish to stay afloat,
beating rapids of your moat.


LISTEN---waters, I will, still!
Rapids now be turned to fill
of but a pond in sweet demise
ripples, yearning in disguise...
every circle, wider grows
hyacinth, transformed
to ROSE...
Love of you
can't be this sweet
the feel of water
under feet
as I walk the water's ledge
beneath my toes
my faith is pledged


Every breath
exhaled is you
walking water's
trial of truth.



© Copyright 2001 serenity blaze - All Rights Reserved
Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554

1 posted 2001-06-02 06:51 AM


Take my will--
God's perfect gift
Hell-fired chilled
in ashen sift
backward river
running swift--
miles of Nile, ASCEND.

LISTEN---to a current's flow,
rush of waves and current's foam...
LISTEN---water's crash on rock
rapid life without a dock
fighting waves with paddle's push
a waterfall awaits in crush
foaming waters fill my boat
frothing hands about my throat
adrenals beating in my mind
of all that I have left behind--
my only wish to stay afloat,
beating rapids of your moat.

LISTEN---waters, I will, still!
Rapids now be turned to fill
of but a pond in sweet demise
ripples, yearning in disguise...
every circle, wider grows
hyacinth, transformed
to ROSE...
Love of you
can't be this sweet
the feel of water
under feet
as I walk the water's ledge
beneath my toes
my faith is pledged

Every breath
exhaled is you
walking water's
trial of truth.
============================

gaawwwd I love the way your mind works...
SEN!!! THIS IS SOOOO COOOOOOL!!!!!!

Take my will--
God's perfect gift
Hell-fired chilled
in ashen sift
backward river
running swift--
miles of Nile, ASCEND.


OH MAN...where do you get this kind of inspire...
the imagery in this poem is awesome
and then we will talk about the rhyme divine...
(vials baby....send those vials)  
amazing write KA
me

Im searchin for my warrior
walkin the tracks of time
this struggle to seek forgiveness
like chains and shackles...these ghosts of mine

ethome
Member Patricius
since 2000-05-14
Posts 11858
New Brunswick Canada
2 posted 2001-06-02 06:54 AM


Wow! Celeste this is great writing!.....

                                  "LISTEN---waters, I will, still!
                                   Rapids now be turned to fill
                                  of but a pond in sweet demise
                                  ripples, yearning in disguise...
                                    every circle, wider grows
                                     hyacinth, transformed
                                         to ROSE...
                                         Love of you
                                      can't be this sweet
                                       the feel of water
                                          under feet
                                    as I walk the water's ledge
                                       beneath my toes
                                      my faith is pledged"

You sure got the old muse working this morning. The above is just an example....I love it all but that verse sticks with me the most!

Have a nice day!

brian madden
Member Elite
since 2000-05-06
Posts 4374
ireland
3 posted 2001-06-02 06:06 PM




LISTEN---waters, I will, still!
Rapids now be turned to fill
of but a pond in sweet demise
ripples, yearning in disguise...
every circle, wider grows
hyacinth, transformed
to ROSE...
Love of you
can't be this sweet
the feel of water
under feet
as I walk the water's ledge
beneath my toes
my faith is pledged
Every breath
exhaled is you
walking water's
trial of truth.


We are listening to every word. beautifully written. Your muse is in full flight

"difference between love and comfortis that comfort's more reliable and true
Brutal and mocking but always therea crutch for enmity's saddest glare"

Severn
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704

4 posted 2001-06-02 06:09 PM


You keep getting better mam, I love this...now, my one small crit...I don't really like the capitalised words..I think there would still be just as much effect if they weren't - or maybe have them italicised?

What do you think hon?

K


It is to do with tree-ferns:
mamuka, pongo, wheki.
Shelter under here is so easily understood.
From 'Hope', by Dinah Hawkins

[This message has been edited by Severn (edited 06-02-2001).]

Watersign6
Senior Member
since 2001-05-25
Posts 823
Hurricane,WV
5 posted 2001-06-02 06:26 PM


a truely lovely read,i will have to read it again  
serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738

6 posted 2001-07-03 04:03 PM


Oops...forgot one again...Thanks dear poet people and K? I agree with you here. Need to learn the fancy stuff. Thanks!  
Logan
Senior Member
since 2001-05-28
Posts 1641
Arkansas
7 posted 2001-07-03 05:10 PM


Ahh, you are forging back with a BANG, wonderful write, so very good with all. Felt right there...gentle smile
Cpat Hair
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Patricius
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793

8 posted 2001-07-03 05:16 PM


Now this is weird.... posted one written by a friend from a couple years agao..and though very different look at the elements that are the same...

always enjoy reading you... and this is no exception... no.. not at all



Dark Angel
Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095

9 posted 2001-07-03 05:56 PM


LISTEN---waters, I will, still!
Rapids now be turned to fill
of but a pond in sweet demise
ripples, yearning in disguise...
every circle, wider grows
hyacinth, transformed
to ROSE...
Love of you
can't be this sweet
the feel of water
under feet
as I walk the water's ledge
beneath my toes
my faith is pledged
Every breath
exhaled is you
walking water's
trial of truth.

---------------

I can't beleive I missed this me Sista. You are incredible ya know that? I love the way you think and then so beautifully transfer it to paper er screen.  

hugs
Maree  

"little miss understood
little misunderstood"

~Marry me Jane~


Interloper
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-11-06
Posts 8369
Deep in the heart
10 posted 2001-07-03 06:03 PM


I am listening between my ears what my eyes see ... a wonderful work
Mike
Member Elite
since 1999-06-19
Posts 2462

11 posted 2001-07-04 11:55 AM


enjoyed muchly... very well written.
brian madden
Member Elite
since 2000-05-06
Posts 4374
ireland
12 posted 2001-07-04 02:05 PM


I knew that you and Jesus had a few things in common..no seriously this poem brings to mind all sorts of images, of cleansing searching and finding, of listening to voices from a past era, walking with them. Wonderfully written, enjoyed this one alot.

"Like Sand underneath the snow, I make you mine." Kristin Hersh

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