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Temptress

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 1999-06-15

Posts 7136
Mobile, AL

0 posted 2001-06-01 03:57 PM

Early sighs at smiles,
Indifferent shrugs to moments of play.
I'm feeling this,
Reeling from this,
Active momentary glint of eyes,
While you make your jokes.
I'm feeling iced again,
Getting lost again,
Within a void,
I want to sane within.
Extend your hand,
I'll bite it in hunger,
For I want to be here,
And whats wrong with that?
Isomnia's glare cuts me low,
And I'm reaping the pleasure of words,
Within the night of my life.
Words can play,
Seduce,
Cut,
Heal,
And even burn.
Don't take it wrong,
I'm just not singing your songs anymore.
Feeling more of the heavy side,
Spirit slide,
Indifference ride.
Enjoying the sane mounting moments of illusive clarity,
In an angered well torn heart.
And who cares for this heart?
Ah ha! Not I,
For how can I care for something viciously oozing,
The displeasure of pity me sin?
Don't take it personally,
I'm just not singing the same songs anymore,
While drowining,
Sucking in the water like there could never be a better drink.
So, I've dancing myself into a reverie,
Of longer, harsher music.
Ego wraught lyrics,
And I need to feel this burn.
I need to release this fire.
But don't be proud of me for it.
I don't need anyone's approval but mine.
The soft songs took a turn,
And now I'm under a different form of tyranny.

still d-i-s-c-o-n-n-e-c-t-e-d
I am bound by this, you see...to become Night's sole mistress, and I am jealous in my endeavours for his attention.

Irish Rose
Member Patricius

since 2000-04-06

Posts 10263

1 posted 2001-06-01 03:59 PM

wow and double wow!!!!!! great imagers but on the critique side? I would make it flow more without capitalizing every line. Also, perhaps you need to go easy on the prepositional phrasing...ok, shutup, Kathleen!!! Enjoyed

Kathleen Blake

"When red-haired girls scamper like roses over the rain-green grass,
and the sun drips honey."
Laurie Lee

[This message has been edited by Irish Rose (edited 06-01-2001).]

Interloper

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-11-06

Posts 8369
Deep in the heart

2 posted 2001-06-01 04:07 PM

Down with tyranny!

Fool, said my Muse to me, look in thy heart and write. Philip Sidney (1554-1586) Loving in Truth

Poeminister
Senior Member

since 2000-02-26

Posts 1862
Regina SK; Canada

3 posted 2001-06-01 04:09 PM

Its good to release that fire. Well done.

Poeminister

Mysteria

Member Laureate

since 2001-03-07

Posts 18328
British Columbia, Canada

4 posted 2001-06-01 04:10 PM

Sucking in the water like there could never be a better drink. (strong lines) and the whole theme of the poem was a good one. Everyone should have a little attitude. I loved the concept and your work.

~*~ I write ~ Therefore I am ~*~

~*~Please remember to tell someone you love them today~*~

Watersign6
Senior Member

since 2001-05-25

Posts 823
Hurricane,WV

5 posted 2001-06-01 05:57 PM

really enjoyed this one very much ATTITUDE BABY!!!

ethome
Member Patricius

since 2000-05-14

Posts 11858
New Brunswick Canada

6 posted 2001-06-01 06:20 PM

This is great writing from your pen once again....very enjoyable read!

Songbird
Member Elite

since 1999-12-15

Posts 2184
Missouri

7 posted 2001-06-01 06:22 PM

that's the spirit!!

Logan
Senior Member

since 2001-05-28

Posts 1641
Arkansas

8 posted 2001-06-01 07:39 PM

Ahh, the fire from the gentle maid even matches the fire of the fire tender. So let the gates slam with fury from within, I know there is a smile that will still creep out. It is impossible to hold back that gentle one, but the words are good, nay, excellent, as they always are, so feed the fire as the fire cleanses and burn the wrath away...gentle smile from the Guardian

snowpants
Member Elite

since 2000-09-16

Posts 2061
KS

9 posted 2001-06-02 10:18 AM

'So, I've dancing myself into a reverie,
Of longer, harsher music.
Ego wraught lyrics,
And I need to feel this burn.
I need to release this fire.'

Yes, great concepts here, Temptress...very cleverly written!

sp

everytime I close my eyes,
I see your face,
I taste you on my lips...
every night I fantasize
that I can feel you on my fingertips...

Sven

Member Laureate

since 1999-11-23

Posts 14937
East Lansing, MI USA

10 posted 2001-06-02 10:26 AM

as they say in the comics. . . flame on!!!

great job with this one. . . just lay it all right out there. . .

---------------------------------------------------------

To the world, you may only be one person. But to one person, you may be the world.

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