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Open Poetry #14
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3 Cinquains
| Open Poetry #14 |
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3 Cinquains |
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SEA 
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676with you 
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Tender loving kisses falling like rain on me his lips so soft.....making my night Tender ~**~ Patient gentle touches from his strong knowing hands making my soft, sensual sighs Patient ~**~ Giving his love tonight slow, sweet heat, simmering stirring inside me a need for Giving ~SEA~ [This message has been edited by SEA (edited 05-30-2001).] |
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| © Copyright 2001 S.E. A - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
tender, patient, giving.... a wonderful penning.... |
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VAS Member Rara Avis
since 2000-11-16
Posts 7450Oregon |
Hi, SEA! I like these, they are tender and gentle. I do think that using the phrase 'on me' so close in proximity erodes from the strength of the 1st cinquain. Would you consider trying omitting the second 'on me' from the 4th line. I think the meaning will still be there anyway. Also, in the 3rd cinquain, I think it could be strengthened by omitting the word 'me' as it is understood to whom the giving is inspired. What do you think? These are certainly soft, sensual pieces. |
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Elizabeth Santos Member Rara Avis
since 1999-11-08
Posts 9269Pennsylvania |
Very tender, very nice Liz |
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SEA
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676with you |
thank you Sunshine  VAS~ excellent suggestions...I hope you pop back in and see I changed it thank you Elizabeth~ thank you ~SEA |
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Marsha
since 2000-07-10
Posts 7423Maidstone Kent England |
Circe love, hi these are some of the loviest pennings you've ever done, you shine in these dear poet. It's been far too long since I was here enough to enjoy your poetry. (I'm actually off sick, no nothing really awful, but I can't be near people who are vulnerable) Anway my sweet poetic sister, you keep writing beauty like this and you know I'll be back here before you know it. Take care love and warm stuff Mushy   Take back the hope you gave,- I claim |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
these are romantic and sensually beautiful Sea-girlie. (you been listening to your Prince records havent ya)  LOLDo Me, Baby by Prince Here we are in this big old empty room, staring each other down U want me just as much as I want U, let's stop fooling around Take me baby... kiss me all over... play with my love Bring out what's been in me for far too long Baby, u know that's all I've been dreaming of Do Me Baby, like u never done before Give it to me till I just can't take no more Do Me Baby, like u never done before I want u now, I just can't wait no more, can't wait... Here we are looking for a reason for u to lay me down For a love like ours is never out of season, so baby please stop teasing me what ya do, I can never love no other, u're the best I ever had Whenever we're not close to one another, I just want u so bad I'm hanging on your every word |
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SEA
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676with you |
thank you Mushy....I hope you feel better soon! or at least by Monday...that way you get the weekend off Janet~ you know it he is my muse......and that song...sigh....yeah.....  it works! ~SEA |
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Charisma
since 2000-09-30
Posts 5906lost in blue pages |
oh Sea you are such a romantic soul....love to read your beautiful soul inside your poetry. ((hugs)) Charism |
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Poeminister Senior Member
since 2000-02-26
Posts 1862Regina SK; Canada |
Love these. Very nicely done. Poeminister |
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Panne447 Member
since 2001-04-03
Posts 196S.A. TX |
SEA, These are vey nice and I love the way you managed to end each by using the first word again. But I do not think these are cinquains, at least, not what I know abot them. there are 2 kinds of cinquains,each consisting of 5 lines: formal: made up of syllables - 1st line has 2 slys; 2nd l has 4 syls; 3rd l has 6 syls; 4th l has 8 syls and last line has 2 syls again informal: made up of words- line 1 has one word; l2 has 2 words; l3 has 3 words; l4 has 4 words and line 5 has one word again. Invented by an American poet Adelaide Crapsey I hope that helps a little. Panne |
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Interloper
since 2000-11-06
Posts 8369Deep in the heart |
You are good at these! I guess I am getting used to the heat Live for love. Without love, you don't live. |
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Irish Rose Member Patricius
since 2000-04-06
Posts 10263 |
what a fabulous trio! Kathleen Blake |
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2dalimit Member Elite
since 2000-02-08
Posts 2228Mississippi coast |
You scratch Sweethearts do this Soul mates are forever When good for goose-good for gander My back |
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Brad Majors
since 2001-04-03
Posts 2647Georgia |
Very beautiful pieces! |
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Watersign6 Senior Member
since 2001-05-25
Posts 823Hurricane,WV |
whoa,how loving an beautifully you write |
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Mysteria
since 2001-03-07
Posts 18328British Columbia, Canada |
Sea ~ How beautifully you executed perfectly formal cinquain, and I too, loved how you started and ended with the same word, as it made them very contained. Well done! ~*~ I write ~ Therefore I am ~*~ |
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SEA
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676with you |
thank you all very very much I really like the cinquains.....they are fun to do SEA |
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Honeybee Member Ascendant
since 1999-12-26
Posts 5372Ontario, CANADA |
Wonderful conquains - so tender and sensually innocent! This is how true love should be Melissa~ |
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Mistletoe Angel
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816Portland, Oregon |
  (sigh) Soooooooo beautiful, sweet friend, your beautiful love shines in all the gorgeous poems you write! (big hugggsssss) I love it, sweet friend, these are soooooo gorgeous! We all love you so much, sweet friend! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Susan, thank you for sharing! May love and light always shine upon you! Love, Noah Eaton |
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