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Open Poetry #14
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shadow's shifting
| Open Poetry #14 |
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shadow's shifting |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738
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that burns too quick and melts a well in waxen hollow the candle you must nurse along every flame a path to follow breathe you in as I grow dim and slowly tenderly exhale and watch the flame gather the wind and honesty of eyes prevail All that we are is shone in light through forest's blight of branches that are newly leafed (to think, you thought, that you saw ME..) amid the shadows dancing free in the ferns (enlighten me) in dancing moss I burn carefree every craven shadow churn in mock of me of lessons learned. The dice were mine. I tossed. I turned. A clutch of dampened handkerchief. in the night life and death be black and white with yin and yang your half of me shadows shifting endlessly as a pattern shows half of me aware it grows that but the best be part of me... Tear drip defeat. |
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| © Copyright 2001 serenity blaze - All Rights Reserved | |||
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LittleCookie Member
since 2000-06-28
Posts 55asheville,NC,UnitedStates |
Wow! I can see why this has you up so late! It's great to be back to such wonderful writing!  This flowed carefree through my mind! LittleCookie~~ :*)Agile in love,while rooted in soul |
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anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
quite powerful and written so well...great job...i really liked the "I close my eyes. Tear drip defeat."...hit hard verses...thanks for sharing it i'm addicted to passions in poetry!...are you? |
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ethome Member Patricius
since 2000-05-14
Posts 11858New Brunswick Canada |
I love the intensity of these verses Celeste! A powerful imaginative and emotional work. "(to think, you thought, that you saw ME..) amid the shadows dancing free in the ferns (enlighten me) in dancing moss I burn carefree every craven shadow churn in mock of me of lessons learned. The dice were mine. I tossed. I turned. A clutch of dampened handkerchief." Great poetic work! "remorseless as a pattern shows half of me aware it grows that but the best be part of me... I close my eyes. Tear drip defeat." Excellent ending to a beautifully written work of poetry! |
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Marge Tindal
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
Serenity~ 'I am the wick that burns too quick' You little dancing flame you ! ! I love this ! *Hugs* ~*Marge*~ ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~ |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
every flame a path to follow breathe you in as I grow dim and slowly tenderly exhale and watch the flame gather the wind and honesty of eyes prevail ===================== with yin and yang your half of me shadows shifting endlessly remorseless as a pattern shows half of me aware it grows that but the best be part of me... I close my eyes. Tear drip defeat. ======================== every word... a mirror... and some times its too hard to face the reflection. this is beautiful sen, in imagery and poetic intend.  meI'm hanging on your every word |
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Irish Rose Member Patricius
since 2000-04-06
Posts 10263 |
you are hot! Kathleen Blake |
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Poeminister Senior Member
since 2000-02-26
Posts 1862Regina SK; Canada |
Superb writing. Nicely done. Poeminister |
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brian madden Member Elite
since 2000-05-06
Posts 4374ireland |
Shadows shifting in the night life and death be black and white with yin and yang your half of me shadows shifting endlessly remorseless as a pattern shows half of me aware it grows that but the best be part of me... I close my eyes. Tear drip defeat. I had expected the spiritual revelation, the last two verses were leading towards the light then the last two lines hit out of nowhere. It takes times to reach that place of balance. It always shifts but I bet that if you take a closer look you will find that you are closer to the light than you thought. powerful writing "you are what you own in this land, you can be king and it all depends on the view and what you can see" Whipping boy |
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VAS Member Rara Avis
since 2000-11-16
Posts 7450Oregon |
My favorite section is the first long one...analogy of being as a candle...the handkerchief line had me a little befuddled, but I'm sure that's just me and I don't know if there'd be many more like me you'd need to offer explanation that would warrent it.  |
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Decaflame Senior Member
since 2001-05-11
Posts 1635 |
A wonderful write, Serenity... |
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Charisma
since 2000-09-30
Posts 5906lost in blue pages |
I close my eyes. Tear drip defeat. love these last lines. beautiful piece.....enjoyed the read very much. Charisma |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
I thank you all....virginia...the handkerchief was kind of a personal allusion, and in fact, I almost scratched that because I thought the symbolism of it TOO personal to translate. I still might scratch that, not sure yet. But thanks to all for reading, am so happy you enjoyed. thank you. (and virginia? please feel free to ask me anything...I appreciate the interest, and? I can't write better if I don't KNOW... ) |
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