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Open Poetry #14
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JLR
Senior Member
since 2001-02-04
Posts 1785


0 posted 2001-05-28 02:01 AM


Stay here with me

I have about an hour
until the saints come stumbling in
drunk with righteousness and liquor
the night’s reality begins
will you stay here with me
I’m more than a bit ashamed
to admit my fateful flaw
I’m afraid to be alone
wait I think they’re early
sshhh…they’re home


© Copyright 2001 JLR - All Rights Reserved
Ryan
Member
since 1999-06-10
Posts 297
Kansas
1 posted 2001-05-28 03:09 AM


Hello there.  I've read this piece several times and really like it.  I really like the images of the drunken saints and the idea of the fateful flaw (I think it's kind of ironic how similar fateful and fatal sound).  There are a few comments/suggestions that I might make, but given that this is the open forum, I'll keep them with me for now.  Let me know (or post this in CA, where I'm more likely to read), and I will find some time to give a better reply.  Thanks for posting this (and for your reply to my poem).  I enjoyed it.

Ryan

"ah, little girls make shadows on the sidewalk shorter than the shadow of death in this town--" - Jack Kerouac

Watersign6
Senior Member
since 2001-05-25
Posts 823
Hurricane,WV
2 posted 2001-05-28 04:49 PM


stunning poem i enjoyed this very much,thanks  
Startime
Member Ascendant
since 2000-10-03
Posts 5918
Canada
3 posted 2001-05-28 04:52 PM


*grin* actually it had me giggling watching them stagger through the door. I enjoyed reading this very much. {{{BIG HUGS}}}Much love to you from me.

Love I leave with you my friend whether it be in your life or of yet the essense of your dreams.
http://www.voy.com/7622/
http://www.powerpoems.com

Titia Geertman
Member Ascendant
since 2001-05-07
Posts 5182
Netherlands
4 posted 2001-05-28 05:54 PM


this really is a fun poem LOL  
I think I've been there sometimes.

Thanks, Titia

Visit Titia's Place sometimes and feel free to use the pictures inside.
http://communities.msn.com/Titiasplace&naventryid=100

A rose is a rose is

walker
Member Elite
since 2001-02-11
Posts 2240
Florida
5 posted 2001-05-28 06:20 PM


JLR- I understand this one and enjoyed it too!
Tiersdin
Member Elite
since 2000-11-17
Posts 2364
east coast
6 posted 2001-05-28 08:46 PM


Enjoyed this poem, JLR...

~Tier

Midnitesun
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Empyrean
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647
Gaia
7 posted 2001-05-28 11:54 PM


I enjoyed reading this. Just to catch those saints a-stumbling-in would be worth staying up all night. Actually, I think I remember stumbling in with them a couple of times in my past.
Midnitesun, Kacy

vandana
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Patricius
since 1999-10-22
Posts 10463
USA
8 posted 2001-05-29 10:18 AM


enjoy
ParisGrl
Senior Member
since 2000-06-01
Posts 610

9 posted 2001-05-29 06:11 PM


R.J.

Images are running through my mind right now. ;-)  wow.....i loved this one.  

ttys,
Laura

Sven
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Laureate
since 1999-11-23
Posts 14937
East Lansing, MI USA
10 posted 2001-05-29 06:32 PM


home where?  and are they welcome?

ah yes, the questions. . . great job. . .

-----------------------------------------------------------

To the world, you may only be one person. But to one person, you may be the world.

Irish Rose
Member Patricius
since 2000-04-06
Posts 10263

11 posted 2001-05-29 08:05 PM


you have quite the imagination don't you  

Kathleen Blake

"When red-haired girls scamper like roses over the rain-green grass,
and the sun drips honey."
Laurie Lee


Zinsser
Senior Member
since 2001-02-27
Posts 1641
Calif.
12 posted 2001-06-20 01:54 PM


I like this one very much
I also like the "Tired, Hungry, Lonely one you wrote also
I am in the search area right now ... You are very good.....
   Thanks
   Connie

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738

13 posted 2001-06-20 01:58 PM


I like this...although having lived it from both perspectives, can't say it's always amusing. Most times it's just damned annoying. Take it from a New Orleans, native--nothing worse than a bunch of drunken saints...  
Jenn Cirrincione
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2000-07-02
Posts 2107
Fl
14 posted 2001-06-20 02:17 PM


Interesting piece here. Not sure I completely get it tho. Who are you referring to?

Jenn

"If my heart had wings, I would fly to you and lie.. beside you as you dream, if my heart had wings." Faith Hill

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