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Open Poetry #14
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A Love Story
| Open Poetry #14 |
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A Love Story |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California 
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This poem is taken from two poems (previously posted), that have been revised and put together...they are rewritten as poetry from a novel that one day I hope to complete, but now is only half way there. A Love Story One summer day hot and humid, she, with windows open, fans going, was standing letting the air blow an ice cube up and down her arms, around her neck, eyes closed. Thinking, a man to run his finger up her arm like this ice cube, making goose bumps as a knock on the door made her jump, feeling guilty somehow for her thoughts. On the porch, was a man looking with a grin at her feelings, she thought, selling Bibles, he said. She watched his face, not listening. The way his lips moved, the straight line of his teeth, the crease that appeared, then disappeared from the corner of his eye. She had wished for a man and this one had appeared. He told her about college and selling Bibles door to door to support himself to help his family. He told her about his 3 young sisters and one brother, how his mom was sick his dad having trouble. She bought a Bible, of course. She bought a Bible, even though she already had one. How could she not buy a Bible from this man? It would be almost sacrilegious. She would have bought anything from him. Usually, words flowed from her like music from an early morning song bird. How to make him stay, after the Bible was in her hand and the dull day was threatening return? The ice melted slowly in her hand making a wet spot on the bodice of her dress as she clutched it to her bosom. She had thought of the heat and this man trudging with his sacred suitcase full of the Word, and the ice slowly melting on her chances. He had stayed drinking ice tea as shadows fell on the day and the afternoon breeze curled the pages of the Bible. that lay on the table between them. They were married in the spring and they had just planted a garden, when he was drafted. She kept him safe under her pillow where is love touched her with long and passionate letters. Killing was not in him and he was sick from the fear of it, he said. He had seen his friend turn in the middle of a laugh into a land mine and disappear. After that he kept to himself afraid friendship would breed more pain. One cool evening as she turned the bed down and touched the stack of envelops as tenderly as skin, she was with him. She was with him in the trenches watching the quiet of the morning. She could hear the birds, her love’s loud breathing and a frantic heart beat. Was it his? Was it hers? Be still, she said. He didn’t hear her for he was running up the hill away, away, then the hill exploded like red rain. [This message has been edited by Martie (edited 05-26-2001).] |
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| © Copyright 2001 Martie Odell Ingebretsen - All Rights Reserved | |||
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RMW Senior Member
since 2001-03-21
Posts 1424 |
Martie.....I held my breath throughout. Excellent. Bob |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Thank you, Bob, but I think this too long for breath-holding.  I do appreciate your read and reply. |
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JLR Senior Member
since 2001-02-04
Posts 1785 |
I just knew this wasn't going to have a happy ending...a fine write, nonetheless. |
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Mysteria 
since 2001-03-07
Posts 18328British Columbia, Canada |
Well I have to tell you I loved this: and the ice slowly melting on her chances. You have to love a girl who acts before the ice melts. Martie this is a lovely story, puts me in mind of Bridges of Madison County (the same feeling I mean), all warm and wonderful. Thank you for a nice evening read. ~*~ I write ~ Therefore I am ~*~ |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
and I want to be in line for the first edition autographed copy... and I can say I know a #1 bookseller list writer  this did indeed make the reader hold their breath... as they inhaled your words  meI'm hanging on your every word |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
No...not too long to hold one's breath, but thank goodness, I didn't drown...yet more, please... |
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brian madden Member Elite
since 2000-05-06
Posts 4374ireland |
WOW WOW WOW WOW ok now that I have got my breath back WOW WOW WOW This was amazing, I look forward to redaing the novel when it is published. OK off to catch my breath back. "you are what you own in this land, you can be king and it all depends on the view and what you can see" Whipping boy |
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Irish Rose Member Patricius
since 2000-04-06
Posts 10263 |
thankyou, Martie, for a wonderful read Kathleen Blake |
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Marge Tindal
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
Martie~ Get your little fanny off here and go finish that novel ! How are we going to get it published if you don't finish it ???????? Muchly lovely ... sweet lady. Now git !  *Hugs* ~*Marge*~ ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~ |
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JamesMichael Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336Kapolei, Hawaii, USA |
Interesting Martie...James |
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Auguste
since 2000-02-16
Posts 3953By the sea |
Martie, I've read the novel. You've done justice to it well in this poem, my friend. Fine work.  Michael Proust- |
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suthern
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723Louisiana |
Martie: Dear lady, I wouldn't ordinarily argue with you... but this could have been twice the length and my breath would still be held. Time simply stopped with the first line... and the ending would have left me gasping even if my lungs had been operating. *S* Dear heavens, woman, you can WRITE!!!! *G* Ta hell with waiting for the book... couldja please send me your autograph NOW? *G* I don't need a best seller list to recognize greatness... and that's one "sure thing" investment! *G* On the other hand... I wouldn't miss your book for the world... so put me on that list for a first edition, personally inscribed copy... This is awesome, Martie. |
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Elizabeth Santos Member Rara Avis
since 1999-11-08
Posts 9269Pennsylvania |
Dear Martie, How could one ever forget the ending to this poem. It has stuck in my mind from the first time I read it. I still remember the time I asked you if you ever thought of writing a novel. I had only read a few of your poems at the time. I hope you do write your novel, just think how many copies you've already sold, all the poets who are familiar with your work. You always astound me with your talents. You are truely an exceptional writer Liz |
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ethome Member Patricius
since 2000-05-14
Posts 11858New Brunswick Canada |
I hope you do finish that novel because I want a copy for sure! This is amazing writing Martie. You are a clever poet with such a big heart! On the lighter side of things I just have to write this one down for you. A man that stuttered answered a newspaper ad asking for a sales rep. to sell Bibles. When he came in for an interview he was asked the usual questions and the manager perceiving that he stuttered badly said he didn't think he could do the job. But the job seeking man insisted saying." I I I re re re ally ne ne need a a job." So the manager thought oh what the heck I'll let him try. What have I got to lose. So he gave him five Bibles and sent him out into the sales field. In less than an hour the man returned and asked for five more Bibles....he sold those in less than an hour and returned and asked for ten the next time. This went on all day and the man sold over thirty-five Bibles. On his last trip back the manager stopped him and asked, "I have people that have worked for me for ten years and no one has ever sold more than fifteen Bibles in a day, please tell me how are you doing it!" The new sales rep said...I I I g g go to th the dddoor a an sssay I I'm se se sellin B B Bibles tw tw twenty ddd oo lars. w w w would yyyou lik like ttto bbuy one o o or dddo ya wwwant me tttto rrrread it tto ya! |
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VAS Member Rara Avis
since 2000-11-16
Posts 7450Oregon |
Poignantly done, Martie. The foreshadowing was certainly there of what the outcome would be, but you have brought about a bonding of the reader to the characters and hope sustains the reading. The reader knows what will be yet s/he cannot turn away until all hope is satisfied or, alas, gone. |
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Sudhir Iyer Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943Mumbai, India : now in Belgium |
Oh My, This is fantastically written, my friend, Martie... regards to you, Sudhir |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
JLR--Thank you so much for reading and for the fine comment. Sharon--Thank you for the compliment..I enjoyed that book so much. Janet--You make me smile. Karilea--More? That's the problem..I got stuck, but I think your comments here and the others may help unstick me...thanks. brian--thank you for all those wows! Thank you Kathleen for reading. Marge--Thank you sis..for the loving nudge. James--Glad you found the interest. Thankyou. Michael--thanks so much. Your opinion means alot to me. Ruth dear...good heavens, you just made my day. Hugs! Liz--thank you for such kind and supportive words. Ethome--You have given me a big smile with your bbbible story...thanks. VAS--That is just what I wanted. Thank you so much for letting me know I succeeded. |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Sudhir--you must have posted just as I was..thank you so much for the kind reply and especially for the "my friend". |
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Kevo Member
since 2004-06-02
Posts 466Navarro County, Texas, USA |
This poem gave me goosebumps. It was closely related to the poem of mine you replied to as promised. It really touched me. It's so nice when others validate the sacrifice of heroes by remembering them, by writing about them, by immortalizing them in love and compassion. You do all of that here with an exceptional twist capitalizing on something all too often overlooked...from the point of view quietly, yet impatiently, waiting at home. I loved this poem and am so incredibly glad that you fed it to me in the email. I would have never seen it otherwise. Thank you for allowing me to share in your thoughts today. Kevin |
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