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Open Poetry #14
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The Visit
| Open Poetry #14 |
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The Visit |
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Michael
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-13
Posts 7666California 
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THE VISIT I walked along the garden path of shadow seeking day, To visit with the aftermath of love given decay. The flowers strewn along this walk, so stately in its course, All dusted with a silky chalk I've known too well... remorse. The fine powder, clinging to skin, softly adorned each finger; As I found myself lost within a moment set to linger. Unraveling as thoughts unpenned, ‘twas then I saw his eyes. The apparition only grinned in seeing my surprise. The image of a hope long dead; a dream gone long afore. I stood there, face to face with dread, then stood a moment more. With the words swollen in my chest, and fear upon the tongue, I bled silence to the behest of sorrows never wrung. The flower fell from my dry hand, as tears welled in eye, As if misguided to a land where it would soon too die. I watched the soundless moment fade in isolated fear, And vaguely let one thought invade - Another wasted year! The evidence proudly in place, the etching on the stone; I surrendered to the embrace of one more night alone... And watched by dawn the drifting hope of nightly shadows fled, Knowing by the sanction of day that I must, too, be dead. Michael R. Anderson But dreams of those who dream as I, Aspiringly, are damned and die. EAP [This message has been edited by Michael (edited 07-08-2001).] |
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| © Copyright 2001 Michael Anderson - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
The flowers strewn along this walk, so stately in its course, All dusted with a silky chalk I've known too well... remorse. ============================ The image of a hope long dead; a dream gone long afore. I stood there, face to face with dread, then stood a moment more. With the words swollen in my chest, and fear upon the tongue, I bled silence to the behest of sorrows never wrung. The flower fell from my dry hand, as tears welled in eye, As if misguided to a land where it would soon too die. I watched the soundless moment fade in isolated fear, And vaguely let one thought invade - Another wasted year! The evidence proudly in place, the etching on the stone; I surrendered to the embrace of one more night alone... And watched by dawn the drifting hope of nightly shadows fled, Knowing by the sanction of day that I must, too, be dead. =============================== Ahhh dear POE-et how I enjoy when you come for a visit, for it is a guaranteed lesson in imagery and cadence, most of all how to write the emotions till they rise off the page. Stark, vivid, masterful writing M, the impact of that last line is poetry in motion. good to see your name here this morn. Feels like Im dancing with truth and wisdom |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
I stand side by side with Janet Marie in her summation that you often take up beside the artistry of the greats.... well done, Sir! |
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MARK V SHELDON Member Elite
since 2001-06-21
Posts 3015In a corporeal internship... |
Without a doubt, your poetry stands upon its own tier, for there is much from which to be inspired within the form, cadence, vocabulary, and themes. Always a pleasure. -MVS "If you think you know it all, you have a lot to learn." |
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VAS Member Rara Avis
since 2000-11-16
Posts 7450Oregon |
Oh, I stand, too, along with all that's been said here re. this awesome, though deeply sad piece. The only nit that bugged me was the use of the word 'would' in 'would soon to die' it felt like 'was' would be the more apropos choice. However, if I'm not understanding it correctly, throw away my thought on it. |
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Irish Rose Member Patricius
since 2000-04-06
Posts 10263 |
I was deeply moved by this, always a pleasure to read your work, Michael. |
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Kit McCallum
Administrator
Member Laureate
since 2000-04-30
Posts 14774Ontario, Canada |
"The flowers strewn along this walk, so stately in its course, All dusted with a silky chalk I've known too well... remorse." "The image of a hope long dead; a dream gone long afore. I stood there, face to face with dread, then stood a moment more. With the words swollen in my chest, and fear upon the tongue, I bled silence to the behest of sorrows never wrung." This is wonderfully descriptive Michael, and flows so beautifully. From my vantage, I've often struggled with this "grinning apparition" and his chalk outlines, be they envisioned full-bodied or little portions of life's dreams slowly fading at the realization of yet another year past … pieces may fall soundlessly through the year, until a moment of clarity like this brings them to the forefront. You've captured this feeling and moment in time, with exceptional skill. Much enjoyed!  Best wishes, /Kit |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
Michael, I always enjoy a tale of hell Especially when written so well. Sy |
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Michael
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-13
Posts 7666California |
Janet, Good to see you here too - uh, this afternoon...LOL I never realized just how much poetry would not be poetry without the POE. As always, you're giving me way too much credit... but thank you anyway. Sunshine & Mark, I'm so glad you found this a pleasurable read. Vas - the reading is "would soon too die," not "would soon to die." I place emphasis here on the "too." The flower is falling to a spot where someone already lies dead, my father as it is. While the term "was to die" would also work in this line, and would portray the eminent doom of the flower, itself; it would not fully address the ultimate demise of every living thing... By seeing my father's face upon the headstone, then seeing the flower fall to the spot where it also would lose identity, in effect, I am realizing my own death is upon me. Just for the record, no thought is ever worth throwing away - I'm glad you asked for clarification here. Irish Rose, I'm glad this poem reached you in such a manner. Kit - you say it so well: "pieces may fall soundlessly through the year, until a moment of clarity like this brings them to the forefront" In this case, the date on a headstone is the realization that while my father may have been truly dead another year - I have been living dead for the same period of time... Sy, well this wasn't literally about hell, but more like a personal hell I suppose, the visiting of my father's grave. Good to see you here btw, hope all is well with you. Thank you all for such kind words... Michael [This message has been edited by Michael (edited 07-08-2001).] |
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suthern
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723Louisiana |
This flows beautifully and with eloquence, Michael... and leaves chills with every line. *S* Superb! |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
*shaking my head* Your words flow so gracefully that I have to read them over and over because I always feel like I'm in a trance at the end! Oh...to make a long reply, short? Entrancing!!! |
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MyEnchanted_Melody Senior Member
since 2001-05-30
Posts 1106across the land of dreams. In your heart, I'd always be. |
Wow....... This has stirred something in me........ A soft tingling deep sadness that your poem just convey so beautifully...... Thank you Michael..... ************************ It's only me.......only me |
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Charisma
since 2000-09-30
Posts 5906lost in blue pages |
And I....I sit and read....reread it and being in awe. beautiful!!!! Charisma |
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