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Open Poetry #14
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serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738


0 posted 2001-07-08 12:48 PM



Even in the dark
I spied a sun's red beam
stretching grasp of fingertips
the splitting of the seam
of midnight blue
and sky in dew
sparkles
dazzlement of hue-
with profundity of truth
Far past the glance
of me and you,
there be a path
of universe
a script awaits,
a dance of yearn
notation
thatched
every rhyme
rotation
maddening
keeps time
to spite the things
I should have learned...

Within me now,
an ember glows,
In the darkness
rose does grow
tightly wrapped
a bloom in bud
Petals open
to the sun
lowly, slowly,
Everything
I ever was
made war with me...

Everything,
and not at all
confetti
swept
after the ball--
piece after piece
my soul in sweep
jig-saw puzzles
in a heap
(tell me, which cut
do I keep,
to make the picture whole?)

© Copyright 2001 serenity blaze - All Rights Reserved
Logan
Senior Member
since 2001-05-28
Posts 1641
Arkansas
1 posted 2001-07-08 12:53 PM


Ahh, the ones that are left behind are only the mistakes we all make, and learn from, so new growth, like the rose bud, blooms forth from us, until we are in full bloom...gentle smile, you have such a wonderful way with your words, always a pleasurable and thoughtful read
VAS
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-11-16
Posts 7450
Oregon
2 posted 2001-07-08 01:49 AM


3 reads of this, and I still can't pretend I understand it, although the essence is coming through, I think.  However, every time I read it, among the wonderful sounds and flow here, this line stood out:

Everything
I ever was
made war with me...

catalinamoon
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-03
Posts 9543
The Shores of Alone
3 posted 2001-07-08 08:39 AM


So good, girl how do you do this?
Besides the line Virginia mentioned, this is the best, to me.

"Everything,
and not at all
confetti
swept
after the ball--
piece after piece
my soul in sweep
jig-saw puzzles
in a heap
(tell me, which cut
do I keep,
to make the picture whole?)"

I think the pieces will fall together fine, in time. This is a great statement of confusion and hope.

Sandra

Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554

4 posted 2001-07-08 08:57 AM


the splitting of the seam
of midnight blue
and sky in dew
sparkles
dazzlement of hue-
with profundity of truth
Far past the glance
of me and you,
there be a path
of universe
a script awaits,
a dance of yearn
notation
thatched
every rhyme
rotation
maddening
keeps time
to spite the things
I should have learned...

Within me now,
an ember glows,
In the darkness
rose does grow
tightly wrapped
a bloom in bud
Petals open
to the sun
lowly, slowly,
Everything
I ever was
made war with me...
=================================

so many images...so many perfect lines...
so many well worked metaphors...
so many mirrors....
love ya me twin
me

Feels like Im dancing with truth and wisdom
Precious rhythm you are my guide
These days are sacred, my heart is humble
Oh warrior show me the light

Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla
5 posted 2001-07-08 09:06 AM


Serenity,
When your dealt that kind of a poker hand, you through it in. Enjoyed the read.

Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
6 posted 2001-07-08 10:05 AM


I liked the idea that you had a single rose in all of this....the whole of it reminded me of a glorious ballroom and two left behind, still enchanted with only the dance they could hear, and only the rose of the corsage between them....


brian madden
Member Elite
since 2000-05-06
Posts 4374
ireland
7 posted 2001-07-08 10:26 AM


every rhyme
rotation
maddening
keeps time
to spite the things
I should have learned...

DId I hear my name mentioned there!?! lol
sorry bad joke, WELL Seren. wow powerful words, my southern poet. I need a few more reads of this, I think.

Irish Rose
Member Patricius
since 2000-04-06
Posts 10263

8 posted 2001-07-08 11:26 AM


THIS is stunning !!!!!!


vandana
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Patricius
since 1999-10-22
Posts 10463
USA
9 posted 2001-07-08 11:30 AM


I liked it
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