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Open Poetry #14
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Fancy
Member
since 2001-06-05
Posts 189
TN/USA

0 posted 2001-07-05 12:30 PM


WHAT IS THIS!!!

What is this we feel
What is this we share
Is there a name for it
Is there something
With which to compare?

It's a song with no words
A poem with no rhyme
A lonely train
On a one way track
Trying to go back in time.

Do you dare fill the song
with love;
The poem
With a beautiful rhymn
Do you dare chance
A one way trip
Into the very core
Of the heart and soul
To find what it is feeling
When out of control?

For surely,
There are the words
We seek.
Surely,
The answers we'll find
To be able to fill
Our song with love
And our poem
with beautiful rhyme.

Then the train will no longer
Be needed
No return trip
Would we care to make
The key of fate
Has opened the door
We only need enter
To find what's in store.

Once there,
Assured, we will see
Hopefully,
It's the only place
We'll ever want to be!!!

"...don't ever stop loving, don't ever stop believing, don't ever stop dreaming your dreams..."
Warmly...
Fancy

© Copyright 2001 Fancy - All Rights Reserved
Titia Geertman
Member Ascendant
since 2001-05-07
Posts 5182
Netherlands
1 posted 2001-07-05 12:01 PM




Once there,
Assured, we will see
Hopefully,
It's the only place
We'll ever want to be!!!

This must refer to Passions, cause there's no other place I want to be, sharing feelings and all that other stuff we call friendship.

Titia

A rose is a rose is a rose...I guess...
Feel free to use the pictures on my website. http://communities.msn.com/Titiasplace&naventryid=100

Sven
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Laureate
since 1999-11-23
Posts 14937
East Lansing, MI USA
2 posted 2001-07-06 07:26 PM


I like this one Fancy. . . and, I feel that for everyone, it's going to be different. . .

wonderful. . .

-----------------------------------------------------------

To the world, you may only be one person. But to one person, you may be the world.

Severn
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704

3 posted 2001-07-06 11:10 PM


Um..while this is a nice piece I'm just curious about this:

'It's a song with no words
A poem with no rhyme
A lonely train
On a one way track
Trying to go back in time.'

Specifically the 'poem with no rhyme' part. If I read that in context with the rest of the lines it seems that you feel poetry without rhyme is something of an anomaly. Not really poetry at all.    

About 3 out of my 300+ poems rhyme. My poetry is written in the style called 'free verse' - usually that doesn't involve rhyming...

Poetry doesn't require rhyme to make it valid, oh and in a similar vein - a song doesn't require words to make it a song either...my constructive criticism would be to rethink the accuracy of your statements...


K


I am a refugee of logic...insisting
on unlikely land with every step.



[This message has been edited by Severn (edited 07-06-2001).]

Fancy
Member
since 2001-06-05
Posts 189
TN/USA
4 posted 2001-07-08 11:57 PM


Especially for you, Severn.....my, my you take my thoughts in much too serious a nature as in your opinion that perhaps they need to be more accurate or correct....
as far as a poem with no rhyme, and/or a song with no words...if you take the time to reread, you will hopefully recognize these are thoughts and feelings being expressed here, and therefore, I strongly disagree with the idea that emotions must be accurate or correct...pls take them for just what they are....

"...don't ever stop loving, don't ever stop believing, don't ever stop dreaming your dreams..."
Warmly...
Fancy

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