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Open Poetry #14
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Toe to Heal, and Focusing the Blur
| Open Poetry #14 |
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Toe to Heal, and Focusing the Blur |
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SpitFire Member Elite
since 2000-04-19
Posts 2396
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I was dared to talk a line off the median between eight lanes, four speeding and the same stopped. I chose the route and wobbled through the distractions. He combed his hair (which was thinning) and dripped ashes, watching skirts twirl and ripple up thighs as smooth as summer. I would have preferred to pass the back of his mind, than see. My feet were furious and bloodied by then, the dirt ground in and infecting, the results of city grime simmering. I passed a bus of children waving and it wouldn’t matter that the pavement was on fire or that the signs reflected light so bright I was blinded for a step or two. My soles were being punished for their insecurities, and dares only prove one thing. I was watching pebbles thrust themselves down blackness searing, gaining speed with every turn and skip, popping themselves into the air and winning. And there was sunlight behind me, coughing - and air so thin I'd slip. But still I carried through, across bumpers and tires, turning - and stares that tore the clothing from my skin, that blew the hair from my face to see. I was left in the center and tested, I was washing with what little strength remained. -Toe to heal, and focusing the blur- My intentions never defined, my whispers left to wilt with wildflowers burnt from overexposure, or the exhaust that intoxicates them,...and me. |
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| © Copyright 2001 SpitFire - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Decaflame Senior Member
since 2001-05-11
Posts 1635 |
...left in the center and tested.... many many good lines here, but this one definitely caught my imagination.... |
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Alicat Member Elite
since 1999-05-23
Posts 4094Coastal Texas |
Spitzie, this one was pretty darn cool. My first impression was the aftermath of a nuclear detonation, strange as that may seem, with highways burning black and thick, while oblivious motorists happily meandered through the inferno of skeletal longing etching shadows before from blast behind. Pretty wild, eh? Then, after re-reading a couple of times, I caught the sprawling expanse of serpentine blacktop poisoning the land, rolling over and constricting original nature, paving meadow then planting trees and flowers in the middle to be slowly choked by noxious emmisions from ever hungry dyspeptic animals rolling like rainbow maggots over a slithering corpse. I guess the good thing is that it wasn't a Double Dog Dare.  |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
Agree with Ali that this is pretty darned cool!!! Gave me a kind of survival "rush"--(Alicat's reply is worthy of it's own post, lol---MAGGOTS? INDEED.) It brought to me a question though: How ARE your feet?  This one was intense, lady! A little dangerous, but oh it does make ya feel so alive, doesn't it?  Excellent Write! |
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VAS Member Rara Avis
since 2000-11-16
Posts 7450Oregon |
Interesting responses here. I hadn't thought of what Alicat did, I thought that the side on which you were traveling was the stopped side, that there'd been a major pile up and you were weilding your way through. The stares blowing your clothes off...that line was amazingly vivid. The 'between the lines thoughts of the man combing his thinning hair.' I know there is so much more here than what I'm catching, it would take many reads and chatting with you, probably, but I think I'd rather that 'than see.' |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
I would have preferred to pass the back of his mind, than see. =============================== I passed a bus of children waving and it wouldn’t matter that the pavement was on fire or that the signs reflected light so bright I was blinded for a step or two. My soles were being punished for their insecurities, and dares only prove one thing. ================================== and stares that tore the clothing from my skin, that blew the hair from my face to see. I was left in the center and tested, I was washing with what little strength remained. -Toe to heal, and focusing the blur- My intentions never defined, my whispers left to wilt with wildflowers burnt from overexposure, or the exhaust that intoxicates them,...and me. =========================== did you get pulled over for writing too awesome of poetry while driving so many cool lines in this A...and the imagery...waaay cool... seems like Ive spent most of my life focusing on the blur. another intense offering from your pen.. and so good to get to read you. well done me sweet porch poetess jm I'm going crazy, I'm losing sleep. |
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ethome Member Patricius
since 2000-05-14
Posts 11858New Brunswick Canada |
"My soles were being punished for their insecurities, and dares only prove one thing. I was watching pebbles thrust themselves down blackness searing, gaining speed with every turn and skip, popping themselves into the air and winning. And there was sunlight behind me, coughing - and air so thin I'd slip. But still I carried through, across bumpers and tires, turning - and stares that tore the clothing from my skin, that blew the hair from my face to see." Wonderful images and wonderful poetry! |
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Interloper
since 2000-11-06
Posts 8369Deep in the heart |
I guess this is too deep for my shallow mind. I won't claim to understand it, but I did like the imagery. Maybe you'll explain it to this pore ole sole one day |
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esclandre Member
since 2001-06-11
Posts 62Northern California |
omg... the imagery here is overwhelming... covering emotional nee visible with a fine covering of misdirection through obviosity. wow this has to be the best collection of words I've read here yet - depth, interest, meaning, and darkness... all appealing and in-your-face. Definitely will watch for more. Esclandre |
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catalinamoon
since 2000-06-03
Posts 9543The Shores of Alone |
Hey you, have you been out on the road too long? This is too many things for me to say what I like about it. Will EVERYTHING be ok? (time to put shoes on maybe?) Luv S |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
quote: Ok, so this is one the best lines I've ever read. DO try to get this published ok? It's fantastic... It's going into the library...where not many poems go...  KI am a refugee of logic...insisting |
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Dark Angel Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095 |
Oh another SUPERB write from you A. Goodness girl I am totally and utterly speechless. I want to write like you. This is going under the letter "A" in my library. Now why didn't you tell me about this in your email? I would've gotten to it sooner Maree [This message has been edited by Dark Angel (edited 06-29-2001).] |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
Hey A - Wow. Not often I get pulled in so completely by so few words in such a seemingly randomized pattern. (Note the oxymoron.) You've bled a portrait here than few could fail to feel. I'm impressed, and that's saying a lot considering the heights I expect your pieces to achieve in the first place, based on past ones. This is towering all. Peace 'n' Hugs C |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
Ok, wow. I've never put anything in my library before from someone else... this shall be the first. shaking head C |
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Dark Angel Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095 |
Just popping in for another read |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
Um...Miss "a"? Me too. Maree and I were just discussing what an incredible piece of work this is. Would love to see some of your photography as well! This is superb, and I agree that it is worthy of publishing. |
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Kit McCallum
Administrator
Member Laureate
since 2000-04-30
Posts 14774Ontario, Canada |
This is an amazing piece Spitfire ... incredible phrasing and imagery! It kept me riveted throughout and envisioning so many aspects as I read. Wonderful writing, much enjoyed! Best wishes, /Kit |
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Elizabeth Santos Member Rara Avis
since 1999-11-08
Posts 9269Pennsylvania |
SpitFire, This is exceptional writing, You are very talented indeed Your images are wonderful and creative. I agree, you should be published Liz |
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Cpat Hair
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793 |
Bravo! Strength in image and tone throughout... loved this one and will read it again..and again I think just for the depths of what could be... |
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brian madden Member Elite
since 2000-05-06
Posts 4374ireland |
without meaning to sound cruel you should cut your feet more often, if this the results. that was meant to sound like a nice compliment but re reading it...arrrrggggghh I am ranting, hope the foot has healed, and a very cool read. No bare feet from now on, OK |
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Marge Tindal
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
SpitFire~ Such a dare ... such a remarkable read. Poetry in the fast lane ... I love it ! ~*Marge*~ ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~ |
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SpitFire Member Elite
since 2000-04-19
Posts 2396 |
~Where do I begin? ~Decaflame, thank you for coming by and reading this, and for picking out one of the very lines that forced this thing. ~Alicat, I totally agree with Serenity on the thought of you posting your reply as it's own post. Reading that was like hopping into a massive storm or something, I don't know, but thank you! Really. ~Serenity, thank you, thank you for stopping in twice and for all the wonderful things your replies make me feel. (oh and I'll try to organize some prints to share) thanks for being interested. . ~VAS, I always enjoy your input, so thank you for leaving it. Interesting which pieces you picked out, thank you for involving thought. You're wonderful. ~JM, JM, JM, noOo I didn't get pulled over, (not for writing anyway), thank you for your words though, they mean so much. ~Ethome, thank you for coming and reading and for 'seeing' some things throughout, your comments are appreciated. ~Interloper, I'm sure the 'not understanding' isn't the cause of a 'shallow mind', yet perhaps the results of one (mine) in the middle of a storm. Don't feel bad, I don't understand myself sometimes either. . Thank you huge for coming by and reading. ~Esclandre, omg thank YOU. For dropping in and leaving such a comment, I feel a bit inadequate of the choice of adjectives you've used. But I'm thankful for them nonetheless. Smiling. ~Sandra, everything will be fine, although you are far too kind to say so. Thank you friend. Oh and shoes? what are those? hehe. ~Severn, that line, gr, so many things, thank you for having it stick out, and for your reading and comments, they mean so much, and published? I really don't know, I'm such a poop sometimes, lol. You're very sweet to say so though. Thank you. (and the library thing,...  .~Oh Maree, you're replies are just so nice. Thank you for peeking in (twice) you make me feel so special hehe. ~Christopher, thanks man, for coming by and leaving me with such words. Means much you know. And the library? Wow. Uhm. Cool! ~Kit, thank you so much for reading me and taking the time to give your impressions. You are appreciated. ~Elizabeth, I'm glad that you could stop by and am thankful for the things you've left me in response, all of these wonderful things are just filling me right up. .~Cpat Hair, why thank you for that, and for offering to read again, (you never know what you might find), that means a lot. ~Brian, it sounded just fine, in fact I understood it the first time reading, ha, imagine that. That's very kind of you to say (go cut your feet). hahaa. Really though, thanks for reading, and I think the barefoot thing, is just something I can't avoid. hmph. ~Marge, your replies are always so fun! Thank you for reading me and leaving your words. *Peace poets, please know that I'm amazed and extremely thankful for the reads.  . |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Spit-fire--Amazing writing for sure...deep and full...a powerful read, much enjoyed. Oh, and I forgot...WOW!!!! |
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