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Open Poetry #13
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Night's Echoes [Pantoum - I hope....]
| Open Poetry #13 |
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Night's Echoes [Pantoum - I hope....] |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart 
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Night's Echoes [Pantoum] as echoes mimic eagle's call shadows beckon to the night storm clouds render thunderous pall now darkness overcrowds the light shadows beckon to the night spring had blest the daylight tall now darkness overcrowds the light as pelting rain begins to fall spring had blest the daylight tall a morn of warm and now 'tis stalled as pelting rain begins to fall and no one hears the echoes fall a morn of warm and now 'tis stalled in shadows deep my love stands tall and no one hears the echoes fall as echoes mimic eagle's call |
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| © Copyright 2001 Karilea Rilling Jungel - All Rights Reserved | |||
SEA 
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676with you |
Sunshine~ I don't know what a Pantoum is, but I like this VERY much! ( could you tell me how to do these?)  SEA |
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Mysteria
since 2001-03-07
Posts 18328British Columbia, Canada |
Give this girl a  not only is it a pantoum, it is perfecto mongo! What a beautiful glimpse of Spring. We don't grow old in B.C., we just rust! Wow, wonderfully done to perfection!~*~A poet is someone who reads more than they write ~*~ [This message has been edited by Mysteria (edited 03-23-2001).] |
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Marge Tindal
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
Karilea~ I love this ! Love this ! love this ! ~*Marge*~ ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~ |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
SEA thank you dear, but I am just learning, and this was my first real headache... Mysteria...a star? Wow...now I may try yet another... Marge...leave it to you to grace my face with a grin.... |
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Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191Cape Cod Massachusetts USA |
Sunshine - This is absolutely great - I really enjoyed the read... Your unheard echoes and stormy nights had best understand that Sunshine will prevail, don'tcha think??? It always does... You've depicted the storm beautifully, of course... The pantoum part... You've deviated only slightly... in the number of stanza's you've used - and - The first and third lines in the first stanza become juxtaposed as the second and fourth lines in the last stanza... So your last line adheres to form, but the second line in that stanza doesn't... That, of course, is only relevant if you're from the old school of format. Modern poets are using their licenses on this form all the time... I like this poem lots, my friend...  |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Nan....back to the drawing board! Thank you kind poetess....now, where's that Advil..... |
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Packratmike Senior Member
since 2001-02-25
Posts 632California, USA |
Isn't this fun??? I think I've gotten mine corrected! "HEY, DON'T THROW THAT AWAY, I MIGHT NEED IT SOMEDAY!!!" Packratmike |
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PoeticKnight Senior Member
since 2000-01-20
Posts 1144New Orleans, LA |
Damn sunshine...i could go on reading your stuff all day, or preferably, all night. *S* |
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Elizabeth
Moderator
Member Ascendant
since 1999-06-07
Posts 6871Minnesota |
Karilea this is wonderful! As Nan said, it's near perfect, and I enjoyed this one a lot. Do more of these, okay? |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Karilea---I don't know about the form, but the poem is beautiful! |
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Panne415 Member
since 2001-03-21
Posts 104San Antonio |
Sunshine, I finally found #13 but for some reason I can't post a new topic in # 12 - hmm- maybe because 12 is full...? I'll check that in a sec. I think this is a great piece and doubly so in this form. I was right there in the middle of the night and the storm and the sounds. Good job. As for the form - from what I see the last verse is incorrect- tho it doesn't detract from the poem at all just the form. If you want the form correct here is some more info below - I hope it helps. And since each line must be repeated twice and 'shadows deep my love stand tall' is not used elsewhere all you need do is replace it with the one from verse one - the 1st & 3rd lines of verse one should be the last & 2nd line in last verse or line a & c should be like below in last verse a morn of warm and now 'tis stalled storm clouds render thunderous pall and no one hears the echoes fall as echoes mimic eagle's call This is per one description I have. The other says that you can end the last verse in this manner quoting from the book now The poem may end in one of two ways: either in a quatrain whose repetons are lines one and three of the first stanza in reversed order; or the poem may end in a repeton couplet consisting of lines one and three of the first stanza in reversed order: line 13 = Z1 or c line 14 = c or a line 15 = Z2 line 16 = a Hope that helps. But a beautiful poem whether you make it a pantun or leave it as is. Panne |
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