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Open Poetry #13
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Here Today...........
| Open Poetry #13 |
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Here Today........... |
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inot2B Member Elite
since 2000-09-18
Posts 2205Arkansas |
I see you staring at me When you think I can’t see Sadness in your eyes of brown Your mouth turned to a frown I know what you are thinking The words you never say I’m leaving you a little more Each and everyday You hold and kiss me longer When you go to work for pay Telling me your love gets stronger With each passing day I know what you are thinking The words you never say I’m leaving you a little more Each and everyday I hear the fear in your voice When you wake and find me gone As you call out my name Worried I might have withdrawn I know what you are thinking The words you never say I’m leaving you a little more Each and everyday When I forget where I am And can’t find my way back I know you always take my hand And return me to the right track I know what you are thinking The words you never say I’m leaving you a little more Each and everyday There’s something you must know While I’m still able to say To you my dear I’ll love you forever and a day I know what you are thinking The words you never say I’m leaving you a little more Each and everyday |
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| © Copyright 2001 Toni Culberth - All Rights Reserved | |||
Charisma
since 2000-09-30
Posts 5906lost in blue pages |
this one is so sad, but how I recognize the feelings. yes your words touch me deeply. Thank you for sharing my friend. ((hugs)) Charisma |
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Irish Rose Member Patricius
since 2000-04-06
Posts 10263 |
seems to be a lot of sad poetry today, or maybe it's just my imagination....thank you for this one. Kathleen Blake |
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Mysteria
since 2001-03-07
Posts 18328British Columbia, Canada |
This sure hit a nerve with me, and I am sure I am not alone in identifying with this poem, sadly I say, this was so well done! ~*~ I write ~ Therefore I am ~*~ |
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inot2B Member Elite
since 2000-09-18
Posts 2205Arkansas |
Charisma, Irish Rose, Mysteria: Thank you for your comments. Yes it is sad, one of my biggest fears. |
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PoeticKnight Senior Member
since 2000-01-20
Posts 1144New Orleans, LA |
The repetition works really, really well here driving the point (emotion) home nicely. |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
I’m leaving you a little more Each and everyday ========================= this line hits hard... youve penned a bittersweet song here poetess2b yes,as PK said,the repetative verse worked well to drive home the message.. great cadence and flow... very well done.. and so nice to be able to read you for a change  "Nature's first green is gold, |
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JLR Senior Member
since 2001-02-04
Posts 1785 |
I hear the fear in your voice When you wake to find me gone I've been on both sides of that voice...you've described them both well! |
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Sven
since 1999-11-23
Posts 14937East Lansing, MI USA |
a fear that we all know. . .but, how do we see it before it's too late? a lot of feeling here inot2B. . . and you show it well. . . ------------------------------------------------------ To the world, you may only be one person. But to one person, you may be the world. |
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inot2B Member Elite
since 2000-09-18
Posts 2205Arkansas |
PoeticKnight: I'm glad you read and enjoyed. Yes saying it over and over has a way of letting the reader know what the problem is. Janet Marie: Yes it is a bitter sweet song. I always appreciate your comments, thank you. JLR: Thank you for reading. That voice is scary no matter which side your on. Sven: Good question, just NO answer. Guess we just make each day count, while we know what day it is. |
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Amature2 Member
since 2001-01-08
Posts 416 |
"There's something you must know While I'm still able to say To you my dear I'll love you forever and a day" I enjoyed reading this very much ,,,, nice write inot2B... |
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Elizabeth Santos Member Rara Avis
since 1999-11-08
Posts 9269Pennsylvania |
I liked the ending of this one Seems like it touched a few heartstrings Well done Liz |
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EagleOne Member Elite
since 2000-03-07
Posts 2829Between a laugh and a tear... |
A powerful piece that will touch many, myself included, well done! "Friends are quiet angels who lift us to our |
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vandana
since 1999-10-22
Posts 10463USA |
like this  |
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inot2B Member Elite
since 2000-09-18
Posts 2205Arkansas |
Amature2, Elizabeth Santos, EagleOne, vandana Thank you all for taking the time to read and comment. Everytime I forget something I think I should know, makes me wonder is this whats to come. |
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