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Open Poetry #13
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Unraveling
| Open Poetry #13 |
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Unraveling |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738
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I am so so sorry friends... I cannot seem to read or tend to any thoughts, no drink of draught, I'm kicking now, plaster's pretense. NO. I Say, NO, it is not. (The answer's yes, as it be ought) Yes...(Why not?) in greet my eye-- and maybe there's discernment skryed in ebony of looking glass were all my hopes an egg unhatched? The etching of black looking glass? and every shadow self-despise? Tell me friends. Give answers why. Mirror Mirror off the wall? Who's the biggest fool of all? (Is it me?) mercy's plea the molting 'fore the angel's fall... May I keep forever now this taste of night before my vow? Lay in waste forever's brow and all my truth in you, endow. Surely, yes, you felt it too. The glistening of grass in dew... Surely you could feel the pull Purity--so rare--too few-- Let it go, love... let me be. This THING that stands 'tween you and me. Stare, I dare you in my eyes building bridge of compromise. TAKE MY HAND-- your tears defied. Understand my need of pride unraveling my soul in thread... like a single trace of red in the lace must be removed stitchery of journeyed fool. I have no wish to undo you. The only spark within my spool, and every tread I pump with foot-- Grimly, I do as I should. And even if it's just one night? A blind man will remember light. Save me one day life of dread No memory of enduring thread. I wish you'd take my hand to hold and taste the cling of yearning bold. I was there. I was with you. The space of lace I filled with blue-- now is but a lingered hue, the savoring of taste of you. I wish you would spin lace of truth-- and pull this string of red I've bled. Unravel all, if it must be... entwined of us---unraveling. [This message has been edited by serenity (edited 05-08-2001).] |
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| © Copyright 2001 serenity blaze - All Rights Reserved | |||
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nakdthoughts Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200Between the Lines |
unraveling my soul in thread... like a single trace of red in the lace must be removed stitchery of journeyed fool. loved this part the most...could feel every emotion huggzz M "The worst prison would be a closed heart". |
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Kit McCallum
Administrator
Member Laureate
since 2000-04-30
Posts 14774Ontario, Canada |
Excellent Serenity! My goodness, I began to copy some of my favorite lines, and realized I was copying most of this verse! So instead, I shall simply say ... exquisite phrasing throughout, really wonderful!  Best wishes, /Kit |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
May I keep forever now and all my truth in you, endow. ========================= Let it go, love... let me be. This THING that stands 'tween you and me. Stare, I dare you in my eyes building bridge of compromise. TAKE MY HAND-- your tears defied. Understand my need of pride unraveling my soul in thread... like a single trace of red in the lace must be removed stitchery of journeyed fool. I have no wish to undo you. The only spark within my spool, and every tread I pump with foot-- Grimly, I do as I should. And even if it's just one night? A blind man will remember light. Save me one day life of dread No memory of enduring thread. I wish you'd take my hand to hold and taste the cling of yearning bold. I was there. I was with you. The space of lace I filled with blue-- now is but a lingered hue, the savoring of taste of you. I wish you would spin lace of truth-- and pull this string of red I've bled. Unravel all, if it must be... entwined of us---unraveling. ================================= *shaking my head* in each read of three ... I saw something more impressive than the one before... the employ of metaphor, the poetic phrases, the subtle imagery, and the impact of the emote(the ache and desperation)...all laced with your threads of rhyme divine... very very cool write sen, "in ebony of looking glass were all my hopes an egg unhatched? The etching of black looking glass? and every shadow self-despise? Tell me friends. Give answers why." *sigh*(W*A*W*B?)  only you know the answer that you can live with (moth advice)(tis not worth much) *S*  meNature's first green is gold, |
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Marge Tindal 
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
Serenity~ Your muse has gifted you ~ '(Is it me?) mercy's plea the molting 'fore the angel's fall...' Such a touch ~ ~*Marge*~ ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~ |
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Irish Rose Member Patricius
since 2000-04-06
Posts 10263 |
I sure did enjoy this, unfortunately, every woman who falls in love runs the risk of being a fool....what's that old song by Brenda Lee "Fool Number One?" sad..... Kathleen Blake |
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doreen peri Member Elite
since 1999-05-25
Posts 3812Virginia |
"unraveling my soul in thread..." great line love the mirror mirror on the wall stanza... (butyouknewiwouldharpo *wink*) you weave the metaphor well.... "the savoring of taste of you" another great line lots of good ones in here.... longer than your usual... watch out..... depending on who you talk to, you could start writing such lengthy works that people will tell you they'd rather wait for the movie... lol... hehe... *sigh*.... it's been said to me... but y'know what? screw that.... because i believe writing should be like a woman's skirt, long enough to cover the issue but short enough to be intriguing and this one is.... and sometimes... SOMETIMES... a woman's skirt is VERY intriguing when it's ankle length... especially when it's a little see-through in candlelight.... y'know? ohmeohmy, i'm rambling again... this is why i haven't been hanging out here much, lately... i start rambling, go off on tangents and time just slips away and nobody knows what i'm talking about anyway.... so... suffice to say, i dig this poem missharpo love, lucy |
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Sven
since 1999-11-23
Posts 14937East Lansing, MI USA |
speak the words serenity. . . you know that's what you have to do. . . that's what you've started doing. . . and they're coming aren't they?? coming pretty fast. . . this is superb poetry my friend. . . don't stop now. . . -------------------------------------------------------- To the world, you may only be one person. But to one person, you may be the world. |
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