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Open Poetry #13
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Grey, Grey Wintry Day
| Open Poetry #13 |
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Grey, Grey Wintry Day |
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PoeticKnight Senior Member
since 2000-01-20
Posts 1144New Orleans, LA |
Grey, grey wintry day Please don’t ever go away For how thou make me feel Thy dark and blustery appeal I plead with thee now to stay Come, come with me to play Give me voice, and thou shall have thy say Thy words shall coarse through me Tired of pretending uselessly Dressed up as just another ordinary day O, O from such dreams in which I stray In solitude once betrayed From this time’s horizon, ever afar Wondering, as I wish on bashful stars Wilt thee not come my way? Dear, dear gloom and dark dismay What harsh and bitter light thou slay Gifts to me, given beyond recompense Shakes belief out of my nonsense Of belief in beauty in all things grey Grey, grey wintry day Come hither, come what may Elicit from me in depth forlorn Words of praise for being reborn And I, pleased to make acquaintance this way |
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| © Copyright 2001 J.M. Landry - All Rights Reserved | |||
SEA 
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676with you |
you know, I love this....the grey skies always make me feel better....and then, when the rain comes...... this is so great, and you do those thees and thous perfectly....  SEA |
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Brad Majors
since 2001-04-03
Posts 2647Georgia |
I have always loved rainy weather! Great job on this one!! |
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VAS Member Rara Avis
since 2000-11-16
Posts 7450Oregon |
Lots of good imaging here, PK, the only thing that was bugging me was the thees and thous didn't seem to go along with the language of the rest of it. I in no way would feel any need to 'rip it apart' as you say above, but I'm wondering if "I, you, me would blend better with the remainder of the piece. |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
Thy dark and blustery appeal I plead with thee now to stay ======================= Give me voice, and thou shall have thy say Thy words shall coarse through me Tired of pretending uselessly Dressed up as just another ordinary day ===================== In solitude once betrayed From this time’s horizon, ever afar Wondering, as I wish on bashful stars Wilt thee not come my way? Dear, dear gloom and dark dismay What harsh and bitter light thou slay Gifts to me, given beyond recompense Shakes belief out of my nonsense Of belief in beauty in all things grey Grey, grey wintry day Come hither, come what may Elicit from me in depth forlorn Words of praise for being reborn And I, pleased to make acquaintance this way ==================== twas hard to pick the fav lines here... this is lovely PK, the imagery and the dark, ethereal feel of it meld pefectly to emote the melancholy intend... excellent elemental mix of the sky,the dark, the winters cold... but for me the vocabulary and the poetic phrases made this beauty... the lines above that I put in italics are so poetically pretty. the use of the 16th century language... as well as the vocab choices for the rhyming words made this even more poetically attractive. The last two verses are excellent examples of my point... and the repetative 5th line rhyme was an added bonus to the cadence very well done poet sir.. ya know how I love new ones *S* you speak to me in riddles and you speak to me in rhymes my body aches to breathe your breath your words keep me alive ~Sarah McLachlan~ [This message has been edited by Janet Marie (edited 05-04-2001).] |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
For thou gray'st day comes heavenly when thy rain slips to kiss my face and 'twould thou be but a moment met I would hold thee in warm embrace. Well done Sir! |
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nakdthoughts Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200Between the Lines |
PK very beautifully written and Sunshine..wow what a reply *s ~Wynter * I, too love gray days and rain...allows me to stay in and not face the day "The worst prison would be a closed heart". |
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Sven
since 1999-11-23
Posts 14937East Lansing, MI USA |
I've found that sometimes, you can have too many grey days. . . well written PK. . . --------------------------------------------------------- To the world, you may only be one person. But to one person, you may be the world. |
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