Open Poetry #13 |
Stardust Dancing |
Gentle Spirit Member Patricius
since 2000-10-09
Posts 13989 |
Stardust Dancing As night soon over takes us let us now walk hand in hand along the moonlit shorelines as we walk upon the sand. Let the starlight shine upon us as the stars float in the sky and sprinkle us with moondust as love twinkles in our eyes. The warm ocean breezes blow gently into our souls under the misty moonlight the serenity now takes control. The ocean whispers her songs that only two lovers can hear and we dance under the starlight our hearts now hold each other near. On the wings of words our spirits fly....and our souls are free. ~Me~ [This message has been edited by Gentle Spirit (edited 05-02-2001).] |
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© Copyright 2001 dmsmith - All Rights Reserved | |||
Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
As night soon over takes us let us now walk hand in hand along the moonlit shorelines as we walk upon the sand. ========================= The warm ocean breezes blow gently into our souls under the misty moonlight the serenity now takes control. The ocean whispers her songs that only two lovers can hear and we dance under the starlight our hearts now hold each other near ==================== GS this is beautiful, the imagery and serene romantic intend of it. and your cadence is delightful very cool poem I miss you so much I cant stand it Seems like my heart is breaking in two My head says no, but my soul demands it Everything I do reminds me of you [This message has been edited by Janet Marie (edited 05-02-2001).] |
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VAS Member Rara Avis
since 2000-11-16
Posts 7450Oregon |
Gentle Spirit, this is so serenely beautiful. The only critique I can even think of is to remove as many 'the's' as possible and the 'now' in the last line. Try it, see if it is strengthened in your eyes. If not, toss my ideas aside as fast as possible. Oh, I so love the shore and I could feel its tenderness and placidness in this piece. |
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Sven
since 1999-11-23
Posts 14937East Lansing, MI USA |
this is wonderful GS. . . I can see it now. . . ------------------------------------------------------------ To the world, you may only be one person. But to one person, you may be the world. |
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Gentle Spirit Member Patricius
since 2000-10-09
Posts 13989 |
Janet......thank you for such a lovely gift! HUGS! On the wings of words our spirits fly....and our souls are free. |
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Gentle Spirit Member Patricius
since 2000-10-09
Posts 13989 |
Vas, thank you for giving me your opinion....it is how we grow as writers. Hugs. On the wings of words our spirits fly....and our souls are free. |
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Gentle Spirit Member Patricius
since 2000-10-09
Posts 13989 |
Ah Sven, if you can see it then I have succeeded in my task. Thank you friend. *s* On the wings of words our spirits fly....and our souls are free. |
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latin passion Senior Member
since 2001-04-26
Posts 576 |
My Gentle Spirit, but your words are once again woe to the core of my heart. It was once cold, for you have rekindle that what I thought was long gone. Your words of love, that you show embrace who I am. My one and all. |
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Gentle Spirit Member Patricius
since 2000-10-09
Posts 13989 |
I am so glad that this has touched you LP. Thanks. *s* On the wings of words our spirits fly....and our souls are free. |
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