A Tanka--Love Flows - pipTalk Forums

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Open Poetry #13

A Tanka--Love Flows

kitkat
Senior Member

since 2000-01-11

Posts 878
Nova Scotia

0 posted 2001-04-14 08:46 AM

Where rivers run deep
Onward reaching to the sea
Never shall it end
Immersed in your arms
My love flows for you

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You got to get up every morning with a smile on your face
and show the world all the love in your heart
Then people are gonna treat

Irish Rose
Member Patricius

since 2000-04-06

Posts 10263

1 posted 2001-04-14 08:48 AM

I loved this, I want to be helpful, I would NEVER be cruel in a critique...

how about "my love flows TO you."
in keeping with the flow.

enjoyed.

Sven

Member Laureate

since 1999-11-23

Posts 14937
East Lansing, MI USA

2 posted 2001-04-14 08:56 AM

wonderful kitkat. . .

I love this one. . .

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To the world, you may only be one person. But to one person, you may be the world.

VAS
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-11-16

Posts 7450
Oregon

3 posted 2001-04-14 08:57 AM

Beautiful! This has a wonderful feel and says much in few words. Agree with the suggestion made, though 'for' indicates that the only reason there is love is because of the object of your affection, flowing 'to' is in keeping with previous lines and is more 'active'!

kitkat
Senior Member

since 2000-01-11

Posts 878
Nova Scotia

4 posted 2001-04-14 10:49 AM

Thanks everyone. I am trying to branch out on my writing. This is different for me..Next project: A story in the works -will post it soon.

Honeybee
Member Ascendant

since 1999-12-26

Posts 5372
Ontario, CANADA

5 posted 2001-04-14 10:19 PM

A lovely tanka!

Take care,
Melissa~

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