this poet........(triple rictameter)

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Packratmike
Senior Member

since 2001-02-25

Posts 632
California, USA

0 posted 2001-04-12 04:18 AM

to live
with loving words
lips pressed against my ear
would far surpass the doubts and fears
left on doorsteps or behind rusted gates.
Breathing without your love, shallow,
wordless, would not be this
poet's reason
to live.

to dream
in loving thoughts
upon your feather bed
would be so much more heavenly
than visions of you, lost in faint moonlight.
Searching in eternal darkness,
emptiness, would not fill
this poet's heart
to dream.

to die
with loving words
upon my final breath
would be much sweeter than dying
'midst the shortened stroke of a key or brush.
Imprisoned in incompleteness
forever, would not be
this poet's way
to die.

[This message has been edited by Packratmike (edited 04-12-2001).]

Marge Tindal

Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-06

Posts 42384
Florida's Foreverly Shores

1 posted 2001-04-12 08:15 AM

PackRatMike~
My goodness !
These are just LOVELY !
Great job on the flow and the form.
~*Marge*~

~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~
[email protected]

SEA

Moderator

Member Seraphic

since 2000-01-18

Posts 22676
with you

2 posted 2001-04-12 08:52 AM

Mike~ these are really wonderful.....maybe I'l try doing a few that go together

SEA

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

3 posted 2001-04-12 08:54 AM

Shoot! I just learn this, then you triple raise the bar with so much more!

Wonderful!

Packratmike
Senior Member

since 2001-02-25

Posts 632
California, USA

4 posted 2001-04-12 01:42 PM

Marge...Thank you.  I had to struggle a bit with these but I guess they came out o.k.  I had to search a little deeper and go a little further than I usually do.

SEA...Thank you.  Try it, I think you'll enjoy it.  I actually started this one with the last stanza which would stand alone, but I felt I wanted to express more, so, I added the first two.

Sunshine...Oh, I'm sure somebody will beat this triple.  I feel the trick is not to ramble on aimlessly or endlessly just for the sake of writing an additional stanza.  Thank you.

Mike

Honeybee
Member Ascendant

since 1999-12-26

Posts 5372
Ontario, CANADA

5 posted 2001-04-12 02:22 PM

Applause! All poets will relate!~

Take care,
Melissa~

vandana

Member Patricius

since 1999-10-22

Posts 10463
USA

6 posted 2001-04-12 02:27 PM

nice poem

Packratmike
Senior Member

since 2001-02-25

Posts 632
California, USA

7 posted 2001-04-12 02:28 PM

Thank you, Melissa....I hope so.

Thank you, vandana.

Mike

[This message has been edited by Packratmike (edited 04-12-2001).]

Wilfred Yeats
Member Elite

since 2000-08-04

Posts 2704
Wilmington, Delaware

8 posted 2001-04-12 05:03 PM

well done - bravo - truly impressive ~S~

Meadowmuse
Member Elite

since 1999-12-27

Posts 3263

9 posted 2001-04-14 10:27 AM

I enjoyed this too, Mike. A well wrapped strand of thoughts. (o:

Claire

Could a greater miracle take place than for us to look through each other's eyes for an instant?......Henry David Thoreau

Packratmike
Senior Member

since 2001-02-25

Posts 632
California, USA

10 posted 2001-04-15 12:47 PM

Thank you, Wilfred...glad you liked this one.

Thank you, Claire.

Mike

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