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Open Poetry #13
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Captain Clutz
| Open Poetry #13 |
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Captain Clutz |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA 
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The truth must now be told to all No if or ands or buts You see, in actuality, I am a real clutz! My body's covered, head to toe, By bruises, scrapes and cuts Small trademarks for unfortunates Known by the name of.....CLUTZ! Small blades of grass can make me fall I stumble over ants! No day goes by that I don 't find Some small tear in my pants. I wear tan shirts to hide the stains Of coffee that I spill If there is something I can drop Bet money that I will! I try so hard to take such care.. It really drives nuts To have folks point at me and say "There goes a real clutz!" My head dents shutters as I pass My face walks into doors. Young children play "connect-the-dots" With all my many sores. All zippers break at my command I never walk near ruts I'm not allowed near finery Because I'm such a clutz! Shoelaces always come undone And trip me in mid-stride The antique stores down on the square Won't let me come inside! I've been this way so very long I can't remember when I ever acted...........*@%$@!# Oops! Sorry, dropped my pen! No woman ever looks at me She wouldn't have the guts To put up with the maladies Of living with a clutz. So I shall stumble on through life And hope someone will see Perhaps they can have feelings for The clutz I'll always be....... |
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| © Copyright 2001 Michael Mack - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Krawdad Member Elite
since 2001-01-03
Posts 2597 |
HAHAHA Cap'n, I love this! And all you have to do is try to hurry a bit and it gets a thousand-fold worse, no? Thanks, Cap'n! /:-}== |
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Joyce Johnson
since 2001-03-10
Posts 9912Washington State |
I don't believe a word of it. Else how could you write such poetry? Joyce |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
We will put bandaids on the boo-boos we will put padding on the floors and walls We will eat spam off paper and plastic and when you slip, flip or trip ... I'll make the 911 calls Dont worry Darlin' Deer ... I'll make sure you always have a soft place to fall  LOL.... I am left handed and all thumbs...so I relate to this all too well clever and cute rhymes from you  |
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Auguste
since 2000-02-16
Posts 3953By the sea |
Deer, This was a real treat. Am still smiling. Thanks. Michael PS-by the way, I have a sister just like that. Proust- |
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Mysteria
since 2001-03-07
Posts 18328British Columbia, Canada |
You say you are a clutz, Somehow I find that strange. I see how you take letters Unscramble and re-arrange. You are trying to pull my leg, And just be kinda silly, Once again, I loved your poem, Balladeer, it was a dilly! he he he heLoved this, from one clutz to another! |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
there is no way you are Cap'n Clutz 'cause the real way that you spell it is with a K, you Klutz! And I'm the Queen of Klutz, that's a fact, I'm sure! why, even my dog watches out for I'm sure to step on her! Now, a bone I've never broken, my only doctor bills come from checking out deep bruises which I get from falling "up" hills. You want to play connect the dots? my scars and bruises go to show I've got them, quite a lot! No, I'm the Queen of Klutz, a badge I proudly wear! It's the only way I can show that I've been somewhere! [This message has been edited by Sunshine (edited 04-11-2001).] |
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Interloper
since 2000-11-06
Posts 8369Deep in the heart |
You guys are all chock full of nuts I'm sure we all agree you claim to be the lords of c(K)lutz accidental royalty OK, so the meter ain't purfek ... at least I didn't trip over a dust mite getting here! Live for love. Without love, you don't live. |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
Balladeer, Is a clutz anything like a putz. I get them mixed up all the time. LOL Big TU |
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SEA
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676with you |
I think you need a nurse.........to take care of your.........owies.......and to make it all better...and I will gladly fill that position SEA |
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doreen peri Member Elite
since 1999-05-25
Posts 3812Virginia |
LOL...yeah, but i still love you |
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2dalimit Member Elite
since 2000-02-08
Posts 2228Mississippi coast |
Clutz? Attention grabber Master of blunders Women need to rescue ...Smooth... |
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VAS Member Rara Avis
since 2000-11-16
Posts 7450Oregon |
This is absolutely delightful! You certainly didn't drop the ball on this one, it's charming and well done! I think I should try some of your 'remedies' for hiding mistakes. I think I'd get tired of wearing tan, though, myself as I'm more of a peacock. |
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Mother_Earth Senior Member
since 2000-11-20
Posts 13701/2 year Texas & 1/2 year Michigan |
Deer, this is beyond being cute!! I love every word and I have been there and done that! Thanks for sharing, ME |
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Paula Finn Member Ascendant
since 2000-06-17
Posts 5546missouri |
You mean Im not the only one Who trips over sidewalk cracks I cant open a soda without getting wet I bite my tongue eating cracker jacks To watch me walking with my dogs Is really quite a sight Tangled leashes there I go (K)Clutzs' of the world UNITE!!!!! |
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Marsha
since 2000-07-10
Posts 7423Maidstone Kent England |
'Deer dear heart, I'm a nurse, I deal with trauma, Hey finally someone I know who will keep these warring doctors busy. I love this one dear 'Deer. I think this is truly fabulous utterly wonderful love. I think this is sooooo brilliant take care love and warm stuff Bubbles Absolutely excellent. Take back the hope you gave,- I claim |
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inot2B Member Elite
since 2000-09-18
Posts 2205Arkansas |
Maybe we could all get together and find you a caretaker. Heck by the list of replies I think you would have your hands full with all these helpful women. Men they will say or do anything to get women to take care of them. LOL  |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Krawdad...you know it! Haste makes disasters! Thanks... Joyce..the words just tumble out right, I guess I thank you.....Janet Marie....how I would love to fall softly into that soft place....ah, dream on, Balladeer Auguste...thank you for the smile Mysteria...I KNEW there was something about you I liked! Sunshine...long live the Queen!!! Interloper...the only thing connecting me to royalty is being called a royal pain!!  Sy....a rose by any other name..... SEA...if you would be my nurse, I would pray for a lifelong illness!!! Nurse me, my sweet Doreen..clutzes can be lovable 2dalimit..I applaud you deductive reasoning VAS...LOL@peacock!! that bad, huh...??? Mother...been there...done that...still going strong. Klutzes have to be tough!!!! Paula..YES! We need to form a onion and untie!!! Marsha...a nurse?? Are you on call? Available? Willing to be traumatized? inot2B...how harshly you judge me!! To insinuate that I would self-inflict bodily harm on myself for the sake of attracting women,,,well, all I can say is....wanna kiss my boo-boo? [This message has been edited by Balladeer (edited 04-12-2001).] |
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doreen peri Member Elite
since 1999-05-25
Posts 3812Virginia |
LOL!!!!!! your responses to the comments are priceless....... almost as wonderful as the poem!!!!!!..... and you!!! hehe... can't stop laughing..... life is GOOD!!! hehe... i'm just here......an insomniac or something...... holding my breath while breathing but that's another poem... rofl!!!!!! you're a fine writer...... excellent work, my 'deer Friend...... AND some really terrific comments......... |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
oops....I was walking down the halls of blue and bumped into this and it fell up the hill....ow! |
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suthern
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723Louisiana |
Oh Captain, my Deer captain I fear I'm a c(k)lutz, too (And from reading these replies You lead quite a motley crew! *S*) Whatever path we stumble down We're accompanied by doom So please never lose the number of The closest emergency room! Loved this, Deer one... very much! *S* |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Hi Balladeer--you have no clutz at all when it comes to handing out smiles and laughter...you know just how to time it right...cause I needed them and here they are..thanks. |
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Elizabeth Santos Member Rara Avis
since 1999-11-08
Posts 9269Pennsylvania |
Just keep stumbling the way you are, my friend - with pen in hand, and we will all be happy Liz |
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Kay Member
since 2001-04-13
Posts 70 |
No, No, you don't look clutzy to me!!!! I enjoyed this very much, but NO you don't look like a clutz! signature-->Kay "when the going gets tough, the tough get going." [This message has been edited by Kay (edited 04-13-2001).] |
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Kit McCallum
Administrator
Member Laureate
since 2000-04-30
Posts 14774Ontario, Canada |
You? A Klutz? With that style, that flair, that flowing and graceful pen? Why Michael, you must be the most fluid and polished Klutz I've ever known, LOL. I'd help you up any ol' time ... Best wishes and a shoulder to steady yourself on whenever you need one, /Kit |
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Charisma
since 2000-09-30
Posts 5906lost in blue pages |
well I share the line with non-believers. NO Way you a clutz.....not possible with your charming style of art. Love it and thank you for the smile you bring above. ((hugs)) Charisma |
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Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648 |
From one clutz to another...be careful! Can't believe I missed this one! Cute! |
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