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Open Poetry #13
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Severed Ties
| Open Poetry #13 |
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Severed Ties |
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suthern
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723Louisiana 
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I knew there was something special in the act of folding your ties I thought I was being domestic. But later, I realized That caressing your belongings was simply a substitute touch Keeping my fingers from journeying paths that they longed for so much. But how I envied strips of colored silk that rest so near your heart Vibrating with each word you utter - I wished I could be a part Of them - an insignificant fiber just resting close to you. But at day’s end, you tear off the tie and breathe relief - most men do. I’d hoped it would give you joy knowing I love you - will till I die. Instead, I find I’ve been discarded just like a smothering tie. |
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| © Copyright 2001 suthern - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Suthern....the passion! the sadness.... a soft, "oh".... the intensity takes over.... |
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Interloper
since 2000-11-06
Posts 8369Deep in the heart |
Who said we men had any sense? Soulful work that I love and despise simultaneously. Love the feelings, despise the ending; Not your work, love, the stark reality. Live for love. Without love, you don't live. |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
But how I envied strips of colored silk that rest so near your heart Vibrating with each word you utter - I wished I could be a part ======================= Oh girl ... this just aches in rhyme divine. so much emoted in so few perfect lines... this one stings and plays heartstrings at the same time. I dont know whether to compliment the clever poetic use of metaphor here... or just by-pass critique and hug ya... So I'll do both... emotions displayed ... heartache conveyed ... impact made ... hugs sweet poetess |
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jellybeans Member Elite
since 2000-10-13
Posts 2298 |
the title, the construction, the subject...wow lady, you make me jealous...this is succint and perfect...sigh...and just think I never liked a man in a tie...well...let me take that back...lets say, it takes a lot for a man in a tie to turn my head....course this wasn't really about a tie...it was about a wonderful heart....big hugs lady... |
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painted lady Junior Member
since 2001-04-01
Posts 48on the wing or nectaring |
Nicely writ, suthern. Smooth as silk...then wham...! pl And then my heart with pleasure fills, |
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snowpants Member Elite
since 2000-09-16
Posts 2061KS |
Ouch...this is definitely how you feel sometimes, and you have illustrated this wonderfully for us, suthern! Hurtful, but great write! sp  to be with you... |
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suthern
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723Louisiana |
Sunshine: Thank you very much for reading... Now shake off that intensity and smile! *S* Interloper: But we keep loving you anyway, no matter what... so perhaps we're the ones lacking sense? *G* Thank you very much for your kind comments... I like the dual response... as I'll explain in a moment, the poem IS schizophrenic. *S* Janet Marie: Welllllllllll... I'll always take hugs! LOL (But I like compliments, too... and critiques that include wonderful terms like clever! *G*) Thank you, sweet lady! *S* And HUGS back atcha! jellybeans: Succinct??? *G* ME???? Glory hallelujah, miracles do happen! LOL. Thank you, dear friend. In the community where I grew up, the only one wearing a tie is the preacher (unless there's a funeral. *S*) But I'll admit, I like those pretty colors and fabrics around the neck of a good-looking man... (and like taking them off, too! *EG*) Painted Lady: Thank you for reading... I'm glad you liked it! *S* snowpants: I'll admit I've felt this way many times... being discarded isn't at all fun and completely wrecks all those warm fuzzy feelings. *S* Thank you very much! I don't often feel it necessary to 'splain myself. *S* But part of this poem is pure reminiscing of some beautiful moments... when I scribbled them down, I figured they'd end up in email, not a poem. But ya jes never know what the muses have in mind... *G* Yesterday was absolutely hellacious and the werk monster was flogging me mercilessly... and a casual comment that I was ready to sever the ties that bind (with my employer) immediately blossomed into the title... and the poem tumbled out as is. *S* Do I know the heartache of being discarded? Yes... all too well. Do I treasure this friendship and its memories more than life itself? Again, yes... and I don't want any misunderstandings. *S* |
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Sven
since 1999-11-23
Posts 14937East Lansing, MI USA |
no misunderstandings here. . .  . . .just a poem from the heart. . . wonderful my friend. . . ------------------------------------------------------ To the world, you may only be one person. But to one person, you may be the world. |
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
I say if he trys to dump you, pull harder..make him turn blue in the face... Seriously, this is a sadly wonderful poem. I know how you feel.  |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Suthern--How about if I just say you write one great poem...and give you a hug too. Yes, consider true and done. |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Suthern girl, you just need a different bow, er, beau! The only thing he should have slipped around his neck is a noose  |
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wayoutwalt Member Elite
since 1999-06-22
Posts 4870TEXAS (it's all big) |
o wow suthern the idea was so original i enjoyed the poem muchly yuh |
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Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191Cape Cod Massachusetts USA |
My immediate mental response to this was cutesy and poetic... I couldn't help it - the subject at hand brings that out, ya know? But - Your poem is truly sincere and bittersweet - I can't make light of that. You've done a nice job here, m'friend.. I hope all's well... |
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tracie66 Member Elite
since 2000-01-18
Posts 4713Australia |
Oh wow!! I envy your poetic talents loved it~HUGS~ Tracie~ |
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suthern
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723Louisiana |
Sven: Thank you for that "wonderful"... and for reading! *S* PDV: Yanno... I hadn't really thought of making USE of that tie. *EG* Thanks for that great idea!!! (If he can't breathe, he can't run... right? LOL) Thank you, sweet lady... I know you know and it's a knowledge I wouldn't wish on anyone... HUGS! Martie: You dear... just to know you've read is a reward... an added hug is an unexpected bonus! *S* Thank you!! Balladeer: ROFL @ bow... Come to think of it, I used to be fairly accurate in archery. *EG* A noose is no good when I can't tie a knot... and I'd hate to cause permanent damage... just some moans and groans! *EG* wayoutwalt: To get a wow from wow is very special! *S* Thank you very much... I'm so glad you enjoyed! Nan: G'head with your initial response... heaven knows I've ruined many a serious mood with my nonsense. *G* Thank you... a "nice job" from you is much appreciated. tracie: Thank you so very much... your kind response gave me a big smile! *S* [This message has been edited by suthern (edited 04-12-2001).] |
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Elizabeth Santos Member Rara Avis
since 1999-11-08
Posts 9269Pennsylvania |
Beautifully written You've got a lot to say Keep writing! Loved this |
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Marge Tindal
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
SuthernGal~ This is just a wonderful sincerely written piece from you. *Hugs* ~*Marge*~ ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~ |
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suthern
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723Louisiana |
Elizabeth: Thank you for stopping by... I'm honored. *S* And I'm very glad you liked. *S* Marge: Thank you, sweet lady... I'm sincerely grateful for your comments. *S* |
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Kit McCallum
Administrator
Member Laureate
since 2000-04-30
Posts 14774Ontario, Canada |
Oh my Suthern ... this was an amazing read! The feelings that hit me through this were so powerful, really well written ... you've captured such incredible emotions through this descriptive piece, I really enjoyed it, well done! Best wishes, /Kit |
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JLR Senior Member
since 2001-02-04
Posts 1785 |
I read this for the first time the day it was posted but did not respond because your words were too intense at that time. Tonight, with a mild touch of detachment I want to tell you that I so understood and enjoyed your poem. Thanks! Speak when you are angry--and you'll make the best speech you'll ever regret...Laurence J. Peter |
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Mysteria
since 2001-03-07
Posts 18328British Columbia, Canada |
Perfect! Absoutely perfect, thanks for a great read. |
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suthern
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723Louisiana |
Kit: Oh, my... your reply has left me speechless! LOL. I'm so glad you enjoyed... thank you very much! *S* JLF: I understand... I've needed that detachment before replying to some myself. *S* Thank you for returning! *S* Mysteria: Thank you so much for those kind words, ma'am. *S* They're greatly appreciated! *S* |
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