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Open Poetry #13
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a wrong star's sight
| Open Poetry #13 |
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a wrong star's sight |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738
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I feel your tide from distant shore diminishing-- take me more... leveling the dreams I built memories construct of silt. and all the imprint left of sand is but the whim's immortal hand and sunrise on a beach is just the lingering of darkness lust. In the morning sunrise bright whales are beached aware of plight a gasp of gill the end of thrill--- in gather of a wrong star's sight. |
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| © Copyright 2001 serenity blaze - All Rights Reserved | |||
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doreen peri Member Elite
since 1999-05-25
Posts 3812Virginia |
damn, harpo, the image of the beached whales really got to me this early in the morning... lol.... geesh! lol and the poem? well, mirror-girl, the poem is frigging awesome.... as are you... (and did i ever tell you that craig once told me he laughs every time i use that frigging word becuase of what it REALLY means in the king's english? hehe....) well anyway.... another thing.... if there's a "wrong star in sight", trust me, there are a multitiude of others to choose from.... like sharon's bus .... just wait, they keep coming..... rofl ..... can't wait for the mail.... (((hugs)))... talk to you tomorrow...er.... later today? or something.... beached whale.... rofl..... gotta love it! *g |
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Kit McCallum
Administrator
Member Laureate
since 2000-04-30
Posts 14774Ontario, Canada |
"and all the imprint left of sand is but the whim's immortal hand" Excellent flow Serenity! I really enjoyed the pattern of cadence and rhyme in this piece, very nicely written!  Best wishes, /Kit |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
I feel your tide from distant shore diminishing-- take me more... leveling the dreams I built memories construct of silt. =============================== and sunrise on a beach is just the lingering of darkness lust. In the morning sunrise bright whales are beached aware of plight a gasp of gill the end of thrill--- in gather of a wrong star's sight. ================================ Oh me twin ...you do this so very well ... EVERY SINGLE LINE in this is a masterful poetic employ of metaphor and comparison. And you dress them up in the finest of silken rhyme and accesorize them with shimmering jewels of imagery.. then kiss them softly with your signature express of heartstring emotions. "and sunrise on a beach is just the lingering of darkness lust." and what a very cool line that is. Love this one me twin and the poet who wrote it   meoh you speak to me in riddles |
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Honeybee Member Ascendant
since 1999-12-26
Posts 5372Ontario, CANADA |
Wow! Well penned, with excellent flow, phrasing rhyme and powerful emotion within this~ Take care, Melissa~ |
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Sven
since 1999-11-23
Posts 14937East Lansing, MI USA |
how often have we followed the wrong star??? superb serenity. . . --------------------------------------------------------- To the world, you may only be one person. But to one person, you may be the world. |
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Irish Rose Member Patricius
since 2000-04-06
Posts 10263 |
wow! Kathleen Blake |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Serenity, excellent, reminding me that more than whales can be beached... |
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Isabella Junior Member
since 2001-03-22
Posts 16Confusion |
after reading this, I feel passion! |
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SpitFire Member Elite
since 2000-04-19
Posts 2396 |
~K,...your words are those that I repeat. Outloud and in my head. Long after reading. I enjoy. I feel. *Peace you. |
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Mike Member Elite
since 1999-06-19
Posts 2462 |
enjoyed muchly... nicely written |
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bslicker
since 2000-12-04
Posts 2321state of mind |
Ok after reading all the replies what more can I say except..... I LIKE IT>>>>>>> Bernie A a day keeps the world 'GBernie Slicker |
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Sudhir Iyer Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943Mumbai, India : now in Belgium |
A terrific write indeed, O Serene One!!! Regards, Sudhir |
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the romantic fanatic Junior Member
since 2000-08-05
Posts 26Spokane, WA U.S.A. |
What can be said that hasn't? It os wonderful! D-mon |
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Irish Rose Member Patricius
since 2000-04-06
Posts 10263 |
I came back to say I loved this!! |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
I adore the first half of this hon...it works so beautifully...I like the whale imagery but I wonder if some of the rhyme is a little forced? (gill, thrill) I LOVE the last line... well done K!  KAll obscurity starts with a danger: |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
doreen? Thank you lovie! And will be going to the post office later! Kit? Thanks much. I appreciate your reading very much! JM? Sometimes I wish I could REPLY like you--you are the BEST!!! hugs! Melissa--thank you bunches! Sven...Problem is? I'm never convinced it's the wrong star until I hit land...lol...thank you! Irish...thanks for the "wow"--I love "wow"! Sunshine...I knew you'd understand. HUGS. Isabella...Passion I've got in abundance...common sense I lack miserably. Smiles and thanks. Spitfire...That was such a nice thing to say..considering that I'm such a fan of YOUR work...MUCH gratitude! Mike? Thank you!Bernie. Thank you as well, glad you LIKE!! Sudhir...and I am just delighted that you are back! Looking forward to reading more from you! D...I'll just bet I scared you off! ROFL...don't mind me, I'm quite crazy yanno! Thanks for reading! Irish...glad ya did! I would not have otherwise known..lol..thank you! and K? Hmmm. Not quite sure what you mean. Tho I confess this one was not one I put a lot of thought into--one of those "straight to the keys" things...I think I wrote this one in a minute. LOL. I am interested in what you think though. E me, or will look for you on icq later, okay, K? Ever willing to learn more! Thanks for the input!-k Love and gratitude to all! THANKS AGAIN!!! |
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